We've got pun dog...and now pun cat. You've cat to be kitten me right meow!
Top of my fridge is now pun central.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.
Without her they're ruthless.
Coronavirus is now all over the world
But China got it right off the bat.
I was going to add a pun here but can't think of any right now
Finished season 5 and now I’m sad
Well, after all this time, they finally came in! I guess I’m a dad now!
Now days, people don't use the name Lance very often
In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot
Polar bears have been introduced in the Antarctic. What are these polar bears now called?
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
My dad is more transparent now
than when he was my mother
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....
Just saw that joke about eating a clock for the umpteenth time. Finally decided to try eating a clock myself, but now I'm freaking out.
I think I picked up a nervous tic.
There are some phenomenal deals out there right now
I just got an 84-inch screen TV for my family. Not gonna lie, it was a pretty good trade.
A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, “What’s it like Outside Right Now?” She replies,
I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
It must be the high Mercury content.
Where ever my dad is right now I'm sure he's looking down at me
He's not dead or anything, just very condescending.
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
My wife has been telling me to put a stop to my animal impressions for a while now. Today, she furiously told to me stop a flamingo impression I had been practicing for a while now.
I realized that was it, and I had to put my foot down.
Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
I’m in Tampa bay right now and they’re selling corn on the cob...
They demolished an abandoned industrial complex near me recently and now I can't smell.
They must have destroyed my old factory senses.
From my 7 yr just now: Dad, last night I dreamed I was swimming in orange soda.
Turns out it was just a Fanta-sea.
Grocery stores are now carrying gluten-free beef.
It's made from cattle that have Silly Yaks' disease.
Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.
I turn to her and say “I bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”
Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
Now that's what I call a Screamplay!
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
So it's 2021 now, then 2022, and then 2023.
I guess the vision for the future is getting worse.
Which dinosaur survived extinction and is now found in farmer's fields?
I just got glasses due to myopia and now everything looks clear and 4K.
Guess that's my New Year's Resolution
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet
Space X has really taken off this past year
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
What is the most sought after nation right now?
A minute ago my calculator was fine and now, mysteriously, it's not working.
Something just doesn't add up.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Earlier my friend used to play Badminton but then he got some training. Now he plays Goodminton.
I want to bake all my bread from now on.
You can say is a loaf-ty goal.
25 emails between me (film producer) and Jason (my props master) over the course of making my film RUN (on Hulu now!)
Now that it’s 2021...
I guess hindsight really is 2020.
I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.
She said, “Where would you find the time?”
I said, “Easy. Right next to the sage.”
What's happening in Washington right now needs a name
I propose we call it the "Chicken Coup"
Thankfully, hindsight is now empirically 2020
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?
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