The man knew it was wrong to steal from a kitchen. But it was a whisk he was willing to take.
Shoplifting is illegal, but that's whisk I'm willing to take
My friends made fun of me for saying I'd be willing to have sex with a robot,
But some men like all natural, some like silicon.
Yes, I AM willing to stand in a long line for a free couch...
At job interviews, tell them you're willing to give 110%
Unless the job is a statistician.
I invented a better egg-beater, but I couldn't find any investors willing to take a chance on my product.
They didn't want to be involved in any "whisky business"
When someone makes a bad pun:
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
To the person who stole my Microsoft office licence ,I will find you
I just found out that Bill Nye is just a stage name.
His real name is William New Year’s Eve.
Nobody will see this one coming
On a recent flight, my friend asked me, “If the door suddenly opens, you think we will fall out?”
I said, “No, we will still be friends.”
Next time this will be my order in bar for this year
My girlfriend and I always disagree whether tea or coffee is superior, she said tea will always be there to comfort you, I said...
But then bees will just be BS
Will you remember me...
Son: Dad, Will you remember me in one second?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Dad, will you remember me in one minute?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Dad, will you remember me in one hour?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Dad, will you remember me in one day?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Dad, will you remember me in one week?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Dad, will you remember me in one month?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Dad, will you remember me in one year?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Knock Knock!
Dad: Who's there?
Son: DAD! YOU ALREADY FORGOT ME!
BREAKING :: Lebanese President Michel Aoun states there will be no additional disaster relief funds for those affected by blast.
A real Lebaneezer Scrooge.
What’s big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and will kill you if it falls on you out of a tree?
I saw a man with a sign that said “Will work for food.”
Why will you never find a farmer in jail?
They can always make bale.
Ireland has just introduced a maximum six person indoors rule. Where will that leave the seven dwarves..?
..one of them won't be Happy.
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
My wife has just gave birth at the hospital. I pulled the doctor away for a minute and asked "how soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"
He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"
Ducks love raw potatoes and will attempt to unearth them with their bill. Enthusiastically mistaking rocks for potatoes can cause damage leaving them...
Buy a man an airplane ticket and he will fly once,
But push him out of the airplane, and he will fly for the rest of his life.
A drug addicted midget is the only thing that will always be both lower and higher than me at the same time.
Setting my heights real low on this one guys. Lol
Glass coffins - will they gain popularity?
I have a boomerang joke I can’t seem to remember it maybe it will come back to me
I do seem to remover it went over people’s heads
For my next trick I will disappear,
Fuck you pear you taste like shit.
Maybe only us Brits will get it...
Genie: I will grant you three wishes
Man: I wanna be rich!
Genie: What is your second wish, Rich?
Suggest to post here, I HAVANT an idea how well it will do
Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.
This is because of a-coo-sticks.
Rick Astley will never give it to you, so be careful.
In the future, historians will call 2020 the Hindsight year because we have clearly seen it all
What is that 1 memory that the computer will never forget?
A Mexican magician said he will disappear on the count of three
Uno.... Dos..... Poof
He disappeared without a tres
What should you do when you are unsure whether it will rain or not ?
Well, carry an Ummm..brella .
To the person who stole my glasses, I will find you.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
A male dog and a female dog are having a pissing contest, which one will win?
Obviously the male dog because he has the-leg-up.
I had an appointment with two physicians. They told me, “the more pain you experience, the better you will feel.”
What a strange pair-a-docs.
A baby born now, in 2033, will be a...
Quaran-teen
Source: My local mechanic, bless his heart
http://imgur.com/gallery/XYWedTN
If you commit 90 sins, you will get caught about half the time.
Did you hear the one about the Mexican Magician? He announced to his audience: "For my final illusion, I will make myself vanish on the count of three…"
"… UNO! DOS!" *POOF* And he vanished without a Tres.
For my next performance I will sort out my checking account while on a high wire
“Dad, will the pizza be long?”
“No Son, it will be round.”
I predict clocks will take over the world.
It’s only a matter of time.
My wife told me it's too dangerous to put away dishes in the dark
I said "it's a whisk I'm willing to take"
If you move to a Polynesian country and wonder if the natives will accept you, just know there will be
Amazon has started a new service where you will get custom made shirts delivered within 48 hours.
It’s called Tailor Swift.
I will never forget the last thing what my late grandfather told me.
I know what the Redskins new name will be.
The Possums. The play dead at home and get killed on the road.
When I die bury me on the weekend. Because the day I die will be sad,
But the funeral will be on a sadder day.
I finally found a drink that will help me get my butt in shape.
Acetone.
For legal reasons, this is a joke.
Everyone knows about Murphy's Law where anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but are you familiar with Cole's Law?
It's mostly made of cabbage.
I'm secretly in love with a melon, but I ended it because I know everyone will find out
How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?
You know why inhaling helium will make a man sound like a woman?
Because helium is a no-ball gas.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
Tomorrow there will be a protest about fairy bread
The police are expecting hundreds and thousands
There’s this notorious serial killer that will argue with you till you die.
Mandatory temperature screening will be required for fans attending the Foreigner reunion concert.
If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see.
Smoking will kill you...Bacon will kill you...
But, smoking bacon will cure it.
The best pen ever made will be the second to last ever made...
Because it would be penultimate.
Top ten puns that will haunt you
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
How do you know the work week will get even crazier after Monday and Tuesday?
Because all that's left is WTF.
Wanna hear something that will shock you?!?
I will give you my entire Pixar collection
But I am never gonna give you Up
I think I will never have the Neverland-Ranch on my salad again.
I found out why Jaromir Jagr will never call when he's playing poker
A friend of mine claims he can throw a stick 5 miles and his pet dog will retrieve it.
I think that's a bit far fetched.
My yacht passenger was rude to me when he gruffly asked "how will we embark upon our trip?"
So I told him to shove off.
For the upcoming NFL season, players will not be allowed to keep chicken as pets.
That would be considered a personal fowl.
So we've been challenged by Little Mart, Forster, NSW to a board off. Who will come out on top?
Murphy’s law states that if something can go wrong, it will. Cole’s law is mostly cabbage.
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
Guess they will not be there for me in the pool
Hopefully you guys will appreciate my Canada puns more than r/Jokes did
I tried telling some but they were having Nunavut.
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline...
And I will try to Fix You... [OC]
I bet none of you will see this one coming
Will glass coffins be a successful business?
To the person who stole my glasses:i will find you
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office. I will find you...
Will glass coffins be a success?
Industry insiders suggest glass coffins will become very popular.
There will be a baby boom in 9 months and
In 2033, we will witness the rise of "Quaranteens"
Will there be an exhumation?
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for fresh prints.
What's green and fuzzy and will kill you if it fell out of a tree ?
Whoever stole my Microsoft office account ID, I will find you.
What’s green and fuzzy and will kill you if it fell out of a tree
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