My 8 year old finished eating dinner
8yo: "There, I ate!"
Me [points at 9yo]: "Good job! She nine."
8yo: 🤔?
9yo: "Ugh. Because I'm nine and you're eight. You ate. I nine?"
8yo: "Daaaad!"
Finished season 5 and now I’m sad
My roomba went out my front door and a pack of bears attacked it, an eagle carried it away to the ocean, and a shark finished it off.
I've just finished writing a book about using stairs...
It's a step by step guide.
I once finished runner-up in a Fidel Castro look-a-like contest.
I've just finished watching a documentary about beavers...
Best dam show I've ever seen.
I just finished Grosse Pointe Blank and now I’m putting on Good Will Hunting.
I heard that the jalapeño finally finished school.
He is now known as Dr. Pepper
Just finished reading a book on Channel swimming.
It was written by Francis Near.
Just finished watching a documentary on how Kool-Aid was made
I just finished making a short film in Russia about Vin Diesel’s body double.
It’s considered a Vin nyet.
Waitress: "Are you finished sir?"
Dad: "No, I'm actually Norwegian. So close though, you're pretty good at that!"
my five year old just told me that he wasn't finished his yawn...
... i told him his yawn was expired.
(sadly, he didn't get it)
A piece I just finished working on, hope you all like it :)
My wife just finished her 40 week body building program.
She lost 8 pounds and 1 oz, and gained a new family member!
I'm officially a father and step father! Woohoo!
Just finished resding a great book called "Arguement On The Narrow Boat"
Just finished making my first bookcase
I’m very proud of myshelf
After many years of procrastination I have finally finished my book on common herbs...
Knot finished with this format yet
Just wanted to share my success! I finished this puzzle I’ve been working on this morning..
It said 2-4 years, but I completed it in 3 months!
I’m drawing a picture of a zoo animal, but I’m not finished yet.
It’s just a rough giraffe.
Finally finished my book about clocks and what we use them for
How does every joke start after you've finished doing the dishes?
looks over both shoulders
Imagine how tired Michelangelo was by the time he had finished painting..
I finished writing my tortilla joke
The waiter approached me as I finished eating and asked, “you wanna box for those leftovers?”
I replied, “No, I hate violence. May I just pay for it with my card?”
I just finished grilling a steak.
It refuses to tell me who it’s working for.
What did the chair say after it finished travelling around the world?
I just finished watching a movie about graphs, but it was really disappointing.
The plot was predictable. The special f(x) was terrible.
A gardener said, "I just finished producing some beets, who wants to check them out?"
The cabin replied, "I only play house music."
The windmill said, "not me, I'm a heavy metal fan."
The backhoe said, "I just dig rock."
The plastic baggie said, "I do, I'm a wrapper!"
Just finished playing billiards with my buddy in the Middle East when I decided to play a prank on him.
“Iraq”, I said. Then Iran.
I just finished a documentary about frogs
It was absolutely ribbiting
God finished creating the 24-hour cycle on Earth...
...with both darkness and light taking turns. He admired his hard work with a smile and a sigh. An angel asked him “What’s wrong, Lord?” God replied “I think I’m gonna call it a day.”
I've just finished a really good book entitled 'Acted' - I don't really understand the relevance of the title, but the book is about censorship. Anyway, I think everyone should
What did the Australian chess player say after he finished his meal?
"Can I have the check, mate?"
After 10 years of writing, I finally finished my novel, Chronology.
Just finished reading a book about how to make clothes quickly...
I'd just finished building a beautiful house of cards when my wife walked in and destroyed it
I just finished writing a book on penguins
Now that I think about it, it would’ve been easier if I just wrote in on paper
What do you call a finished puzzle of bacon and pancakes?
Einstein finally finished his space theory
I ordered an egg dish at a restaurant. When I finished, I asked the waiter for another one and he said...
"No, sir, that's un oeuf."
At the restaurant, my family was nearly finished eating and I still had half a plate of food left. The waitress asked, "Do you wanna box for that?"
I replied, "No thanks, I'd rather wrestle for it!"
I just finished the book, "How to Become Homeless"...
Finally finished my huge book on the history of clocks.
What did the Australian grandmaster say when he finished his meal?
I finally finished my book on herbs.
Some might say it’s about thyme.
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