Walk in Puns

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

“Ya, I’m positive.”

He said the police were expecting a crime wave

"They're draft horses"

....

It was a shitzu.

EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)

The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”

The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”

Doctor: Would you like some cream for that?

Bam. They both fall unconscious.

Long time fan, first time poster.

Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.

Huge axeman

Suspicious mimes.

He is amazed and wants to buy the duck. The man refuses at first but eventually agreed. As the man walks out of the bar the now owner of the duck shouts. Excuse me how do i stop the duck tap dancing. Simple says the man lift up the tin and blow out the candle......

He sung: you picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel.

The barman said, what does he look like?

“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here"

...and says, "Hygiene".

Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"

Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"

Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."

The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.

Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."

Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."

The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,

"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."

Rope: One beer, please.

Bartender: We don’t serve rope here.

Rope:walks outside and thinks

Rope:gets an idea, gets excited & messes up its hair

Rope:walks back in to the bar

Rope: One beer, please.

Bartender: Aren’t you that rope I just refused to serve. Rope: Nope, I’m a frayed knot.

Edit: Formatting.

Two guys are walking through a forest when they come across a lamppost. The first guy turns to the second and says "Whats a lamppost doing out in the middle of knowhere" and the second replies. "That's Narnia business"

Taekwondo nut.

Nuts hanging out.

The third one ducked.

The pirate replies, “Arrgh, it’s driving me nuts!”

She yells STAMPEDE!!! And threw a handful of animal crackers at me.

Right, Left.

Pun in, ten dead.

I don't get it. I'd heard everyone's dying to go there.

But you're homeschooled

Cuz they like can’t even

You would think the 3rd one would have ducked.

Because they can't even.

Ow! That hurt.

About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.

I ask him "What are you doing?"

"I'm measuring your patience."

"Arghhh, I don't know but it's been drivin' me nuts all day"

The bartenders says sorry we don't allow minors in here

His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."

Because they can’t even

The psychiatrist says "Well I can clearly see your nuts"

But I refuse to go with that stereotype.

That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.

Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.

It’s A Shitzu

It was a Shitzu.