A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearfeedmitch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Two atoms walk into a bar, one says to the other β€œDang, I left my electrons in the car.” The other replies, β€œAre you sure?”

β€œYa, I’m positive.”

πŸ‘︎ 174
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LOLMrTeacherMan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Last night, taking a walk on the beach... Came across a police car stuck in the sand about 3 feet from the water...I asked the driver what happened...

He said the police were expecting a crime wave

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrangeJeepWdw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Two extraordinarily large horses were sitting at the bar having a beer. Guy walks in and says to the bartender. "Hey, what's with the Clydesdales?" Bartender says,

"They're draft horses"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

....

It was a shitzu.

EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gomass4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, β€œGet out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.

The bartender says, β€œHey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”

The rope replied, β€œNo. I’m a frayed knot.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Why do teenage girls walk in groups of 3, 5 and 7? /r/teenagers/comments/k3e…
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anwallen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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A man walks in to a doctors with a strawberry growing on his head.

Doctor: Would you like some cream for that?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GordinhoSA
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Two men walk in to a bar

Bam. They both fall unconscious.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethereal_sandwich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...

Long time fan, first time poster.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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I was in a bar in Texas, when a man walks in wearing a paper cowboy hat, a paper shirt, paper jeans,paper chaps and paper boots.

Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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My dad told me he met that famous actor on his walk in the woods.

Huge axeman

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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A walk in St. Petersburg
πŸ‘︎ 217
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cja951
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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I just saw a couple guys in white face act like they were caught in a trap and can't walk out.

Suspicious mimes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuriouslySentient
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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A man walks in to a bar. On the bar is a duck tap dancing on a biscuit tin.

He is amazed and wants to buy the duck. The man refuses at first but eventually agreed. As the man walks out of the bar the now owner of the duck shouts. Excuse me how do i stop the duck tap dancing. Simple says the man lift up the tin and blow out the candle......

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Kenny Rodgers ended up in a wheelchair after an accident. While rolling down the side walk, he lost a wheel.

He sung: you picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkSideDweller
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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A penguin walks in to a pub and said have you seen my brother?

The barman said, what does he look like?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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β€œBack in the day...” my dad started to say. β€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...

β€œWherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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The nicest guy in the world walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kennisses
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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Wolverine walks in on Jean Grey sneezing without covering her mouth..

...and says, "Hygiene".

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r1pen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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A man is sitting in the hospital with his newborn baby when his own father walks in.

Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"

Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"

Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."

The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.

Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."

Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."

The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,

"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."

πŸ‘︎ 220
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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A piece of rope walks in to a bar

Rope: One beer, please.

Bartender: We don’t serve rope here.

Rope:walks outside and thinks

Rope:gets an idea, gets excited & messes up its hair

Rope:walks back in to the bar

Rope: One beer, please.

Bartender: Aren’t you that rope I just refused to serve. Rope: Nope, I’m a frayed knot.

Edit: Formatting.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidwayland
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Walk in the woods

Two guys are walking through a forest when they come across a lamppost. The first guy turns to the second and says "Whats a lamppost doing out in the middle of knowhere" and the second replies. "That's Narnia business"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirFallsAlot32
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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A taekwondo student walks up to the seller in a doughnut store. What did the seller say?

Taekwondo nut.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HelloCrat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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So a peanut walks in on a cashew.

Nuts hanging out.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Two guys walk in to a bar.

The third one ducked.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/folcor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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A pirate with a ship’s wheel in his pants walks into a bar. The bartender can’t help but ask about it.

The pirate replies, β€œArrgh, it’s driving me nuts!”

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sauron3579
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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So I'm in my garage and my wife walks in.

She yells STAMPEDE!!! And threw a handful of animal crackers at me.

πŸ‘︎ 603
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_little_angry
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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Learn to walk in two easy steps

Right, Left.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Soviet_Boy_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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A pun walks in and kills 10 people

Pun in, ten dead.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JesusSaves002
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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I asked my daughter if she wanted to take a walk in the cemetery, but she wasn't interested.

I don't get it. I'd heard everyone's dying to go there.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bondjimbond
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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When your crush walks in your class

But you're homeschooled

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joker6983
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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A man walks in a bar and sees a pot of change labeled: "Make my horse laugh"

He ask the barman: "What is this?"

The barman answer: "Oh this, place a dollar and if you make my horse laugh you can keep the pot."

"Fair enough" says the man "I'll give it a try" and then places a dollar in the pot

He walks in the stable and after a minute, the horse starts laughing and just can't seem to stop.

The man grabs the pot of change and leaves.

One week later, the man comes back to the bar and can still hear the horse laughing.

A new pot of change has been placed on the counter labeled: "Make my horse cry"

Man says: "Fair enough", place a dollar in the pot and walks again in the stable.

The horse stops laughing and starts crying

The man comes back in the bar and takes the pot of change.

Before he gets a chance to leave, the barman ask him: "How did you make him laugh so much?"

"Oh, very simple" says the man "I told him: My dick is bigger than yours"

"And how did you make him cry?" Ask the barman

"Even more simple, I showed him"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alexokirby
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Why do teenage girls always walk in odd numbers

Cuz they like can’t even

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikolas306736
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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3 Irishmen walk in to a bar.

You would think the 3rd one would have ducked.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidwayland
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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Why do teenage girls always walk around in odd numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

πŸ‘︎ 362
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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A guy walks in a bar in a restaurant...

Ow! That hurt.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apollonius_Cone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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I'm on the couch playing video games when my dad walks in with a tape measure

About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.

I ask him "What are you doing?"

"I'm measuring your patience."

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caruano95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender asks him what's with the steering wheel? He replies...

"Arghhh, I don't know but it's been drivin' me nuts all day"

πŸ‘︎ 461
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aloonyllama
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
C, E-flat and G walk in to a bar.

The bartenders says sorry we don't allow minors in here

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Every time I visit my Dad in St. Louis, he walks into the room looking depressed until whatever girl I've brought home for the holidays asks what's wrong...

His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do teenagers always walk in groups of 3 or 5?

Because they can’t even

πŸ‘︎ 240
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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A guy walks in to a psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts

The psychiatrist says "Well I can clearly see your nuts"

πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AFC-Wilson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
People think just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, I should walk around carrying a big old boom box on my shoulder.

But I refuse to go with that stereotype.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sobrasada1009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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Rope walks into the bar. Bartender says, Sorry we don’t serve ropes here. Rope walks out, messes himself up, ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar. Bartender asked if he’s a rope!

Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FalseBlood8746
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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A guy walks into a zoo but the only thing in it is a dog

It’s A Shitzu

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JakeR3b
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.

It was a Shitzu.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zzuhruf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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