I accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked..
Now, it can ride a bike without stabilisers.
Best way to contact a dead Italian.....
A local Ice-cream vendor was found dead in his van surrounded by sprinkles...
Police said he'd topped himself
Is this subreddit dead?
I haven't seen a post on it all year.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
What do you call a dead author?
A Girl takes a pregnancy test, mortified, she looks her boyfriend, dead in the eyes, and says...
Roses are dead, Violets are dead...
What does a median do with a dead toe?
What’s a microscopic dead end street?
What does a dead person do to lose weight?
What do dead Norseman like in their chili?
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
I finally cleaned out my junk drawer and gave away all my dead batteries
What’s the difference between a live pyre and a dead pyre?
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is pronounced dead after colliding with a flock of seagulls and a 747 over Madrid.
Eyewitnesses say the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Texas Prisoner Found Dead After Consuming Smuggled Fish Eggs
What's the favorite movie of dead people?
I took my grandma to one of those fish spas where the fish eat all your dead skin.
So much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
Latin isn’t a dead language
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.
My gf made me give away my collection of dead batteries
I got some devastating news from the hospital today. My dad was pronounced dead.
I can’t believe I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all this time.
Edit: this joke was straight up stolen from professional comedian Nick Nemeroff. I heard it on the radio so I didn’t have his name handy and thought it was awesome for this sub and had to post it before I forgot it. Thanks to Nick for commenting here below so that I could give him credit.
Dead peoples favorite time of day is
A vulture was boarding a plane and he brought with him a dead racoon. The flight attendant, mortified by the sight and stench, pointed at the carcass and asked "Sir why did you bring a dead racoon with you."
The vulture said. "Oh this? This is my carrion luggage."
Bringing back dead memes in another form.
Is this sub dead?
No one's posted here all decade...
(Regards from New Zealand)
I recently found out my wiener doesn’t work anymore. I decided to have a funeral since it’s pretty much dead now. My sweet wife asked if anything would make me feel better.
I replied, Perhaps mourning would...
Im dead inside
I'm literally a skeleton moving with clothes
So that would make this a "dead" end then?
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
What do you call a composer that’s dead and buried?
I think the front of my foot has gone dead-asleep.
Now they are a bunch of coma-toes.
What's the difference between being killed and being dead?
Found out I could talk to dead people, I thought it be cool but...
“Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
“All my autopsies are performed on dead people!”
I accidentally played 'Dad' instead of 'Dead', when the bear attacked.
Now it can ride a bike without stabilisers.
What does a Mexican do with a dead toe?
Want to contact the spirit of a dead Italian ?
I was told that my dad was pronounced dead
I can’t believe I’ve been saying it wrong my whole life
What does Mario use to contact his dead relatives?
What do you do with a dead chemist?
I gave all my dead batteries away today
Dead peoples favorite time of day is
I gave away my dead batteries
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