Found a life hack to never get murdered

Just stay in the living room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GottaBlast
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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How did the detective figure out who the engineer murdered?

He found his locomotive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kiltebeest
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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A man was murdered by being forced to drink bleach

It was a clean kill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZJoe2316
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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Told to me by my father this morning. Did you hear about the pun that murdered ten people and then died in the standoff?

The headline was β€œpun and ten dead” (meant to sound like pun intended.)

Definitely not the best but it was kinda funny. He was definitely pleased with it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DragonRider7710
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Tony the Tiger is dead... Murdered!

It was a cereal killer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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I murdered a joke today

"How could you?", my wife asked.

"It's all in the execution."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fisherkingpoet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The results of the post-mortem were in, and it was clear the man had been murdered with a plate of mild curry.

A Blunt Force Korma

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KubaKomorebi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
At the slaughterhouse, the cows were beginning to form bonds with me before I led them to be murdered...

I guess Stockyard Syndrome is real!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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I reread the story of Cain and Abel... the bastard murdered his bro!

He really rocked his world!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Cixin Liu wrote a novel about murdered astrophysicists.

It's titled, "The Three-Body Problem"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmdeemer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the carpenter who murdered someone at work?

They say he hit the nail on the head

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChiWod10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A man was murdered by two men claiming to be "Redditors."

The authorities are calling it "death by Snoo Snoo."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyOtaku
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
4, 6, 8, and 9 were found murdered.

2,3,5, and 7 are considered to be prime suspects.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
When I was telling my parents about ants getting into my keyboard and them being murdered to death...

Dad: It's the Pink Panther.

Me: I don't get it.

Dad: Dead ant, dead ant...

He made up for it by giving me a replacement keyboard at least.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaceLeopard
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the gear that murdered his wife?

All I know is that he turned himself in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skillz432
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bear that got murdered?

It was a grizzly scene.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CorbinSeabass
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who was murdered in the tub?

It was a bloodbath.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kattattak_76
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the radio personality who murdered his only son while broadcasting because he didn't want him to receive any inheritance?

There was a lot of Dead heir on that show.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsthearistocrat
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a peice of glass that watches another piece of glass get murdered?

A material witness

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
🚨︎ report
The world ventriloquism champion was murdered yesterday.

His screams could be heard a mile away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Be on the lookout for the midget fortune teller who murdered his client

He's a small medium at large

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FudgieDan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad saw a news article "Son arrested after murdered father found in freezer"

Dad said: "Guess you could call him a pop-cicle"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WardenHDresden
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the cat that got murdered by a Mars rover?

Curiosity killed the cat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TooAnonToQuit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who was murdered in a barbershop?

I heard he had a pretty big price toupee (wasnt sure whether to post it here or r/jokes)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Littlebigreddit50
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2018
🚨︎ report
If someone were murdered while waiting for the bathroom

..they'd be killed in the line of doody

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/food4btc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2016
🚨︎ report
A gardener was murdered in his greenhouse

The police ruled it a herbicide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XaVierDK
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the piece of cheese say to the other after he murdered his friend?

You muenster!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSilent006
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2016
🚨︎ report

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