Did you hear? An attempted murder was foiled due to the assailant's severe grain allergy.

The killer was found, dead to rice.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkKing16
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to prevent a murder?

Keep the crows apart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A crow ... painting a murder.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quantumastrology
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.

It was a brief case.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
A group of geese is a gaggle, agroup of rats: a mischief, a murder of crows, bats a colony and men a crowd. What's a group of batmen?

An orphanage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jayjay3078
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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Jokes about murders aren't funny

Unless they're properly executed, that it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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There was a murder on a train do you know if the suspect was caught?

No, he covered his tracks.

(Thought of this this morning go easy on me!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpicyPorkEar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw a murder outside my house today...

All the crows were just sitting in my tree...

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brady01234
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
How are mafia murders like candles?

They're both wax.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zotiko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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Police are investigating a murder in which the victim was shot with a starters pistol.

The police think it's race-related.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elwheelio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the potsticker that went on a murder rampage?

It was an act of wonton violence.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbwaeguk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Somewhere, between murder, and suicide........

There is a place called Merseyside - Milton Jones at the Apollo live

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzatron574
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Sherlock and Watson arrived on the scene of a murder and the only clue was a measuring tape pulled out to exactly 12 inches.

Apparently something was afoot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kesavadh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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TIL that Mona Lisa was once accused of murder

Turns out she was framed

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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A pencil isn't John Wick's primary murder weapon.

But it's definitely number 2.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A murder investigation or a murder investigating?
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/capndreww
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a murder in Greece?

A feta-lity

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mwuaha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Abortion isn’t murder

Its just cancelling your pre-order.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fedexdad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
For the charge of murder, the judge only gave Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci community service

because they were goodfellas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sergioarmagh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Why would you never murder on an elevator?

Because it's wrong on so many levels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FranticFridge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
The convict was charged with first degree murder

I’m not sure why, but there must be a reason behind it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RosselWestbrook
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the most effective way to write a murder mystery?

Bullet points

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
When I found my little son on the floor, I briefly thought a murder took place

Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewormPL
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
If you commit a 1st degree murder in Canada

is it a 34 degree murder in the US?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriezaAndHoushi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard someone was planning a murder

I was worried until I found out he was a Crow

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dandy_wizard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?

Because i wanted tequila.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hengeek
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Attempted Murder
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrodanGnaskar2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Murders being conducted all over this block
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wanjirahope
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked a friend for one reason I shouldn't murder my boss.

His answer was simple. There is no Netflix in prison.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Who decided to call them β€œmurder hornets”

and not β€œbuzzkills”?

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πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I witnessed a murder today

But as I got closer it flew away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dudeness77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If a group of crows is called a murder of crows...

does that mean 2 or 3 would be an attempted murder?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SchroederActual
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call appetizers at a murder mystery party?

Murd'Oeurves

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quinoabrogle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the pasta get away with murder?

The prosecution had gnocci witnesses

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bshafs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Margaret Attwood title her latest murder mystery novel, about an Egyptian serial killer who kept drowning people?

The Nile-ist

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttengine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the train conductor use to murder his ex-wife?

Investigators aren't sure yet, but they discovered he had a loco motive.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeftClickMadness
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought I witnessed a murder today

I only counted 2 crows though, so I guess it was really an attempted murder

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samuelmercanti
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A fish goes to court for murder

The fish is found β€œgill”ty

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/26SobbingHorses
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
We then asked a artist about the murder:

β€œI art to be feeling bad” they said

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingdragon2430
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pub that’s famous for its murders?

A crowbar.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katonce
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I put original copies of "The Fall of the House of Usher", "The Murders in the Rue Morgue", "The Pit and the Pendulum" and "The Tell-Tale Heart" on credit hoping to pay them off slowly. Unfortunately, I couldn't make all payments...

He re-Poe-ed them.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A serial killer murders people by suffocating them with pig intestines

His media name is Wurst Case Scenario

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttengine
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.

It was a brief case.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Mona Lisa was once accused of murder....

Turns out, she was framed.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Within minutes, the detectives knew what the murder weapon was.

It was a brief case.

πŸ‘︎ 194
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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