Know your ABC's kids (Except for Guwucci, he sucks)
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Why don’t you gamble the ABC’s?....

Because it’s the Alphabet.

It’s my first one please don’t hate if this isn’t original.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AirmanProbie
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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My daughter just recited her Christmas ABCs...

ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmellyRapscallion
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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Nurse: so here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in ABC order

Doctor: wow. Looks very organized!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chanmack21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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It's so punny
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asdfghjkl-__-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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I went on a walk looking for nectar gathering insects....

thats right, I went on A Bee See(ABC)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vrek86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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I signed up for a Binary 101 class, but I failed it miserably.

Turns out it’s a Level 5 course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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I'm starting a company of recycling chewing gum,

I just need some help to get it off the ground

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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A hand-y list.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/babydoll_bd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
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πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrCayde
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2016
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My 3 year old smiled... started to laugh, and then said "Not funny"

Going over the alphabet with my 3 year old and he asks "What's after Z?"

"What's after Z? Well, it's Now."

"Now?"

"Now I know my ABCs..."

"Not funny."

My wife groaned, and my 6 year old shook his head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phaseMonkey
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2015
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Why did the Pirate hate kindergarten?

It made him ABC sick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farqwarr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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Not sure this is Jermaine to this sub...

True story, from a local hardware store yesterday. Customer: Where are the floor jacks? Me, in line, spying them over the cashier's shoulder: Jacks in 5, Ma'am. Easy as ABC.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamikula
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
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Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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Common theme with my dad that I now use

How far is it to XYZ?

Twice as long as half the distance.

How long until we get to ABC?

Twice as long as half the time it takes.

Drives my kids nuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frizzlestick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
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Meteor Shower

Talking to my dad, I said "Aw man apparently we missed a meteor shower on sunday"

He says "Yeah? Was ABC there?"

So I'm thinking about what he could possibly be trying to make a joke about and say I give up.

He says "a MEDIA shower! Like a baby shower!" facepalm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hbb322
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2016
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