Gift Puns

Thanks for the Baghdad!

Title.

A space heater.

Unfortunately, I already Reddit.

That's why it's called PRESENT.

I’m having a hard time dealing with this.

Baerings.

He said it blows.

And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.

A velociWraptor

So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist. My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking. I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.

A broken drum kit.

Nobody can beat that....

I don’t know what to make of it.

Hiss and her bath towels

She gave him her peas.

They weren’t the color I wanted, but beggars can’t be shoes-y.

I said: “If you think that’s the end, you’ve got another thing coming!”

“They’re going to be napping papers”

It was a low New Years resolution

Just a little something to help her see in the New Year.

He called them missile toes.

With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".

They gave me the boot.

The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him “This is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining “jingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. “Rudolph” “Frosty the Snowman” “Drummer Boy” even “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. “ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. “NO honey it really works watch!” “Im going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. “WAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out “CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”

They will all be Santatized

The BDSM club

I hope for the vest but expecting the wurst.

I had no idea what to get them. But after a long brainstorming I finally decided to get the a new fridge.

It's was actually so satisfying to see their faces lit up as they opened it.

Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.

Because they always live in the present.

He was asimptomatic.

People called him Santa Claws

Sorry. I just gotta vent.

A thank you.....text.

‘Cos she’s worth it.

I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.

I’m finding it hard to deal with this.

A heater

You can't beat it

A broken drum.. you can never beat it

You can't beat it...