My girlfriend said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.

So I bought her a candle.

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5x13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Today’s my husband’s birthday and he’s a huge pencil enthusiast. I got him a great gift

Seems like someone’s gonna get lead tonight.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimvandashian
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
last gift on birthday
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sabrinna_22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I guess you can say Santa gives kids gifts... ON THE HOUSE
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One-Angry-Goose
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My French shrink gave me a gift...

It has a great SantΓ© Mentale value

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?

Thanks for the Baghdad!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm just going with the classic spaceheater. It's the best housewarming gift I can think of.

Title.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbuzz4780
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I found this gift that I got for Christmas soda-pressing! v.redd.it/6jekcmw036861
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rk_lancer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the best housewarming gift?

A space heater.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2040009
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend gave me a book about social media as a gift.

Unfortunately, I already Reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/memetric_system
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, but today is a gift

That's why it's called PRESENT.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/This-Is-De-Wae
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The only gift I got for Christmas was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I’m having a hard time dealing with this.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Oh My Gourd! I Made These Gift Card Holders!
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MosswoodMama
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I got my son a tire pump as a Christmas gift

He said it blows.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SupremeBaconist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What do mechanical engineers gift their loved ones?

Baerings.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chakith_kumar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the best dinosaur to help with gifts ?

A velociWraptor

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Some people told their dad that Dora has a visual impairment and that Boots and the viewers were her eyes. Then the father bought them Dora-themed gifts for Christmas.

And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I need a pun about chips for a Christmas gift

So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist. My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking. I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tazzles26
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.

I don’t know what to make of it.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the best present you can gift?

A broken drum kit.

Nobody can beat that....

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Michismelody
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
When someone gifts you a watch
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/its_boogeyman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What gift did the snakes get from their wedding registry?

Hiss and her bath towels

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jstockmoe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the bean upset with his partner's gift to him?

She gave him her peas.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevographic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
As my daughter opened her last gift on Christmas morning with a sad look in her eyes...

I said: β€œIf you think that’s the end, you’ve got another thing coming!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yurgenbeard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend decided to gift me the boots I’ve been drooling over

They weren’t the color I wanted, but beggars can’t be shoes-y.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
We are putting away our unused Christmas gift wrap materials, and my son casually comments

β€œThey’re going to be napping papers”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jepoid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
For Xmas I bought my friend a gift voucher for the opticians.

Just a little something to help her see in the New Year.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandpa got a tv as a Christmas gift in 1948

It was a low New Years resolution

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gameboy90
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.

With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I got fired from the shoe factory, but they were nice enough to leave me with a parting gift.

They gave me the boot.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.

He called them missile toes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
This guy stops in a second hand petshop looking for a last minute Christmas gift for his wife.

The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him β€œThis is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining β€œjingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. β€œRudolph” β€œFrosty the Snowman” β€œDrummer Boy” even β€œI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. β€œ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. β€œNO honey it really works watch!” β€œIm going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. β€œWAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out β€œCHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hipphazy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't worry about catching COVID from the gifts that Santa delivers

They will all be Santatized

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is most fond of gag gifts?

The BDSM club

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dodsdans
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother said he would gift me either a short sleeved shirt or a German sausage.

I hope for the vest but expecting the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”

Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
It was around Christmas and I had bought gifts for everyone except my parents.

I had no idea what to get them. But after a long brainstorming I finally decided to get the a new fridge.

It's was actually so satisfying to see their faces lit up as they opened it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are cats considered mindful when their is an open gift box nearby?

Because they always live in the present.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-JasonTe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?

He was asimptomatic.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sinnoh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.

Sorry. I just gotta vent.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Wolverine delivered tons of gifts on Christmas

People called him Santa Claws

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sinish_anand
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Ariana Grande send when someone gives her gifts?

A thank you.....text.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justoblanco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The perfect gift
πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VinceDC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I’m finding it hard to deal with this.

πŸ‘︎ 159
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the best housewarming gift?

A heater

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_thecoolnerd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...

You can't beat it

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linkhandford
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What it the best Christmas gift?

A broken drum.. you can never beat it

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report

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