My girlfriend said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.
So I bought her a candle.
π︎ 114
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
Todayβs my husbandβs birthday and heβs a huge pencil enthusiast. I got him a great gift
Seems like someoneβs gonna get lead tonight.
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 25 2021
last gift on birthday
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
I guess you can say Santa gives kids gifts... ON THE HOUSE
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 01 2021
My French shrink gave me a gift...
It has a great SantΓ© Mentale value
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
I'm just going with the classic spaceheater. It's the best housewarming gift I can think of.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
What's the best housewarming gift?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Mar 01 2021
My friend gave me a book about social media as a gift.
Unfortunately, I already Reddit.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, but today is a gift
That's why it's called PRESENT.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
The only gift I got for Christmas was a deck of sticky playing cards.
Iβm having a hard time dealing with this.
π︎ 87
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
Oh My Gourd! I Made These Gift Card Holders!
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
I got my son a tire pump as a Christmas gift
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
What do mechanical engineers gift their loved ones?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
Whatβs the best dinosaur to help with gifts ?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
Some people told their dad that Dora has a visual impairment and that Boots and the viewers were her eyes. Then the father bought them Dora-themed gifts for Christmas.
And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
I need a pun about chips for a Christmas gift
So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist.
My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking.
I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.
I donβt know what to make of it.
π︎ 56
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
Whatβs the best present you can gift?
A broken drum kit.
Nobody can beat that....
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
When someone gifts you a watch
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
What gift did the snakes get from their wedding registry?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
Why was the bean upset with his partner's gift to him?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
As my daughter opened her last gift on Christmas morning with a sad look in her eyes...
I said: βIf you think thatβs the end, youβve got another thing coming!β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
A friend decided to gift me the boots Iβve been drooling over
They werenβt the color I wanted, but beggars canβt be shoes-y.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
We are putting away our unused Christmas gift wrap materials, and my son casually comments
βTheyβre going to be napping papersβ
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
For Xmas I bought my friend a gift voucher for the opticians.
Just a little something to help her see in the New Year.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
My grandpa got a tv as a Christmas gift in 1948
It was a low New Years resolution
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.
With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
I got fired from the shoe factory, but they were nice enough to leave me with a parting gift.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
This guy stops in a second hand petshop looking for a last minute Christmas gift for his wife.
The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500.
The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him
βThis is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.β
He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining βjingle bellsβ in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations..
βRudolphβ βFrosty the Snowmanβ βDrummer Boyβ even βI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clausβ in the best impersonations heβs ever heard!
The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. β No no honey this works watchβ he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs.
βNO honey it really works watch!β
βIm going to bed, Merry Christmasβ says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs.
βWAIT Honey, one more time, please!β
He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out
βCHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIREβ
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
Don't worry about catching COVID from the gifts that Santa delivers
They will all be Santatized
π︎ 65
π
︎ Oct 04 2020
Who is most fond of gag gifts?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
My brother said he would gift me either a short sleeved shirt or a German sausage.
I hope for the vest but expecting the wurst.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
βDad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?β
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jul 17 2019
It was around Christmas and I had bought gifts for everyone except my parents.
I had no idea what to get them. But after a long brainstorming I finally decided to get the a new fridge.
It's was actually so satisfying to see their faces lit up as they opened it.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 31 2020
Why are cats considered mindful when their is an open gift box nearby?
Because they always live in the present.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jan 25 2020
Why didnβt the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.
Sorry. I just gotta vent.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
Wolverine delivered tons of gifts on Christmas
People called him Santa Claws
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
What does Ariana Grande send when someone gives her gifts?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 17 2020
The perfect gift
π︎ 90
π
︎ Dec 11 2019
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
Iβm finding it hard to deal with this.
π︎ 159
π
︎ Aug 31 2020
What's the best housewarming gift?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 04 2020
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
π︎ 45
π
︎ May 17 2020
What it the best Christmas gift?
A broken drum.. you can never beat it
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 13 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
