I guess you can say Santa gives kids gifts... ON THE HOUSE
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︎ May 01 2021
I'm just going with the classic spaceheater. It's the best housewarming gift I can think of.
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︎ Feb 22 2021
What's the best housewarming gift?
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︎ Mar 01 2021
The only gift I got for Christmas was a deck of sticky playing cards.
Iβm having a hard time dealing with this.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
Whatβs the best dinosaur to help with gifts ?
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Some people told their dad that Dora has a visual impairment and that Boots and the viewers were her eyes. Then the father bought them Dora-themed gifts for Christmas.
And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.
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︎ Feb 10 2021
I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.
I donβt know what to make of it.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
Whatβs the best present you can gift?
A broken drum kit.
Nobody can beat that....
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︎ Dec 18 2020
What gift did the snakes get from their wedding registry?
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︎ Jan 12 2021
Why was the bean upset with his partner's gift to him?
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︎ Jan 16 2021
A friend decided to gift me the boots Iβve been drooling over
They werenβt the color I wanted, but beggars canβt be shoes-y.
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︎ Jan 05 2021
For Xmas I bought my friend a gift voucher for the opticians.
Just a little something to help her see in the New Year.
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︎ Dec 29 2020
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.
With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
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︎ Nov 23 2020
I got fired from the shoe factory, but they were nice enough to leave me with a parting gift.
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︎ Oct 20 2020
Don't worry about catching COVID from the gifts that Santa delivers
They will all be Santatized
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︎ Oct 04 2020
This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
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︎ Jan 25 2020
Why didnβt the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?
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︎ Aug 01 2020
Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.
Sorry. I just gotta vent.
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︎ Apr 23 2020
The perfect gift
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︎ Dec 11 2019
Space heaters are the best house-warming gifts.
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︎ Oct 06 2019
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
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︎ May 10 2020
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Posted this in r/ShowerThoughts but it got taken down, despite the fact that it's 100% truth.
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︎ Mar 01 2018
My English grammar teacher was having some marriage problems and it was really getting to him, so the whole class joined in to buy him a gift
After we bought him a simple present, he was past tense
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︎ May 01 2020
Do you want to know what one of the coolest gifts you could ever get someone is?
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︎ Dec 26 2019
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
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︎ Dec 11 2019
What did the bald man say when he received a comb as a gift?
"Thanks! I'll never part with this!"
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︎ Feb 13 2020
Did you see the final episode of that new Netflix series about the dude who couldn't stop buying himself gifts!?
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︎ Apr 02 2020
I never truly saw myself as a father, until my wife gave my the greatest gift of all...
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︎ Dec 22 2018
You may think the best gifts are given on Mother's Day, but Father's Day is usually a tie.
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︎ Jun 13 2019
Son, it is time you hear the truth. Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny are not real. Mum and I bring you the gifts.
Son: I know Mum already told me. She also said that uncle Mike is the stork.
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︎ Dec 23 2018
Walking through the mall with my 9 yr old and a kiosk saleswoman waves a sample of lotion and asks 'A gift for your daughter?'
I said 'No, thank you' and then looked down at my daughter and said 'Can you believe she thought I'd trade you away for just a tiny bit of lotion? I'd need a whole bottle, at least!'
She thought that was pretty funny.
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︎ Mar 11 2019
What's the sickest housewarming gift?
Ebola fruit.
say this one out loud if your stuck.
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︎ Aug 01 2019
My wife always complains about the gifts I buy for her. This time I got her a Touretteβs alarm clock.
She is in for a rude awakening.
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︎ Apr 04 2019
The wife hated that her birthday gift was a fire pit.
But she slowly started warming up to it.
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︎ Sep 25 2019
What do you call the punchline to a joke about zombies having a gift exchange?
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︎ Jun 01 2019
The ultimate dadjoke. My toddlers believe that on 3 kingβs day (along with bringing gifts) the camels severely screw up our home. I put muddy hoof prints throughout, upend the plants, knock over the tree, tear apart fruit, etc.
This year Was a symphony! We had aunts, and two grandmas join in for a seriously epic camel disaster for the kids to discover tomorrow. Feeling proud of my dad skills.
Photos here:
https://imgur.com/gallery/b8sILu3
Edit: the oldest is 5. We celebrated a day early so their aunt could be here. The real 3 kings day is tomorrow. Donβt tell the wise men!
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︎ Jan 05 2019
My Jewish friend got his son the best 13th birthday gift.
So his son plays baseball and his mitt was in rough condition. They make these little boxes for baseball mitts that put out heat, humidity, and massage the mitt slightly to keep it in good condition. They're pretty small and can fit on a kitchen counter top. It's best to keep them near the sink to refill the water reservoir when it gets low. It's helpful if it's like right above the sink. My friend had put his on the bar behind the sink.
It was seriously the nicest bar mitt spa I had ever seen!
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︎ Aug 12 2019
The older you get the more practical your Christmas gifts get. This year my wife and I got a vacuum.
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︎ Dec 29 2018
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
Iβm finding it hard to deal with this.
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︎ Aug 31 2020
What's the best housewarming gift?
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︎ Oct 04 2020
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
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︎ May 17 2020
What it the best Christmas gift?
A broken drum.. you can never beat it
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︎ Aug 13 2020
What is the best gift you can give someone? Answer: a broken drum...
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︎ May 04 2020
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find it extremely difficult to deal with.
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︎ May 12 2020
The only gift I got for my birthday is a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find that very hard to deal with.
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︎ Aug 25 2019
The only birthday gift I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find that very hard to deal with.
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︎ May 19 2018
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
Iβm having a hard time dealing with it.
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︎ Oct 29 2019
Why is a comb the best gift for a bald person?
It's a gift they can never part with.
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︎ Aug 13 2019
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