I guess you can say Santa gives kids gifts... ON THE HOUSE
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One-Angry-Goose
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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I'm just going with the classic spaceheater. It's the best housewarming gift I can think of.

Title.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbuzz4780
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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What's the best housewarming gift?

A space heater.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2040009
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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The only gift I got for Christmas was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I’m having a hard time dealing with this.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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What’s the best dinosaur to help with gifts ?

A velociWraptor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Some people told their dad that Dora has a visual impairment and that Boots and the viewers were her eyes. Then the father bought them Dora-themed gifts for Christmas.

And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.

I don’t know what to make of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What’s the best present you can gift?

A broken drum kit.

Nobody can beat that....

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Michismelody
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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What gift did the snakes get from their wedding registry?

Hiss and her bath towels

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jstockmoe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Why was the bean upset with his partner's gift to him?

She gave him her peas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevographic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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A friend decided to gift me the boots I’ve been drooling over

They weren’t the color I wanted, but beggars can’t be shoes-y.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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For Xmas I bought my friend a gift voucher for the opticians.

Just a little something to help her see in the New Year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.

With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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I got fired from the shoe factory, but they were nice enough to leave me with a parting gift.

They gave me the boot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Don't worry about catching COVID from the gifts that Santa delivers

They will all be Santatized

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-JasonTe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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Why didn’t the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?

He was asimptomatic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sinnoh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.

Sorry. I just gotta vent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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The perfect gift
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VinceDC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Space heaters are the best house-warming gifts.
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?

I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Photog77
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.

Posted this in r/ShowerThoughts but it got taken down, despite the fact that it's 100% truth.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swerdnase1616
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
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My English grammar teacher was having some marriage problems and it was really getting to him, so the whole class joined in to buy him a gift

After we bought him a simple present, he was past tense

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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Do you want to know what one of the coolest gifts you could ever get someone is?

Liquid nitrogen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!

They’re so shellfish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b0wser_304
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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What did the bald man say when he received a comb as a gift?

"Thanks! I'll never part with this!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omg123456789
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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Did you see the final episode of that new Netflix series about the dude who couldn't stop buying himself gifts!?

Spoiler alert

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedPlanetCorridor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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I never truly saw myself as a father, until my wife gave my the greatest gift of all...

A mirror.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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You may think the best gifts are given on Mother's Day, but Father's Day is usually a tie.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Picker-Rick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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Son, it is time you hear the truth. Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny are not real. Mum and I bring you the gifts.

Son: I know Mum already told me. She also said that uncle Mike is the stork.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acbro3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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Walking through the mall with my 9 yr old and a kiosk saleswoman waves a sample of lotion and asks 'A gift for your daughter?'

I said 'No, thank you' and then looked down at my daughter and said 'Can you believe she thought I'd trade you away for just a tiny bit of lotion? I'd need a whole bottle, at least!'

She thought that was pretty funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nocatsonmelmac
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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What's the sickest housewarming gift?

Ebola fruit.

say this one out loud if your stuck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bodieboo6
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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My wife always complains about the gifts I buy for her. This time I got her a Tourette’s alarm clock.

She is in for a rude awakening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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The wife hated that her birthday gift was a fire pit.

But she slowly started warming up to it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arunie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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What do you call the punchline to a joke about zombies having a gift exchange?

A dead giveaway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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The ultimate dadjoke. My toddlers believe that on 3 king’s day (along with bringing gifts) the camels severely screw up our home. I put muddy hoof prints throughout, upend the plants, knock over the tree, tear apart fruit, etc.

This year Was a symphony! We had aunts, and two grandmas join in for a seriously epic camel disaster for the kids to discover tomorrow. Feeling proud of my dad skills.

Photos here:

https://imgur.com/gallery/b8sILu3

Edit: the oldest is 5. We celebrated a day early so their aunt could be here. The real 3 kings day is tomorrow. Don’t tell the wise men!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sloanautomatic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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My Jewish friend got his son the best 13th birthday gift.

So his son plays baseball and his mitt was in rough condition. They make these little boxes for baseball mitts that put out heat, humidity, and massage the mitt slightly to keep it in good condition. They're pretty small and can fit on a kitchen counter top. It's best to keep them near the sink to refill the water reservoir when it gets low. It's helpful if it's like right above the sink. My friend had put his on the bar behind the sink.

It was seriously the nicest bar mitt spa I had ever seen!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJordanCarroll
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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The older you get the more practical your Christmas gifts get. This year my wife and I got a vacuum.

This gift sucks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ennsy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I’m finding it hard to deal with this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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What's the best housewarming gift?

A heater

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_thecoolnerd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...

You can't beat it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linkhandford
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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What it the best Christmas gift?

A broken drum.. you can never beat it

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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What is the best gift you can give someone? Answer: a broken drum...

You can't beat it...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoliathGr33nman
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I find it extremely difficult to deal with.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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The only gift I got for my birthday is a deck of sticky playing cards.

I find that very hard to deal with.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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The only birthday gift I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I find that very hard to deal with.

πŸ‘︎ 565
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
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The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I’m having a hard time dealing with it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Why is a comb the best gift for a bald person?

It's a gift they can never part with.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/turnturn1225
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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