If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, but today is a gift
That's why it's called PRESENT.
The only gift I got for Christmas was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with this.
I got my son a tire pump as a Christmas gift
What’s the best dinosaur to help with gifts ?
I need a pun about chips for a Christmas gift
So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist.
My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking.
I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.
Oh My Gourd! I Made These Gift Card Holders!
Why was the bean upset with his partner's gift to him?
What gift did the snakes get from their wedding registry?
What’s the best present you can gift?
A broken drum kit.
Nobody can beat that....
A friend decided to gift me the boots I’ve been drooling over
They weren’t the color I wanted, but beggars can’t be shoes-y.
I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.
I don’t know what to make of it.
We are putting away our unused Christmas gift wrap materials, and my son casually comments
“They’re going to be napping papers”
My grandpa got a tv as a Christmas gift in 1948
It was a low New Years resolution
For Xmas I bought my friend a gift voucher for the opticians.
Just a little something to help her see in the New Year.
As my daughter opened her last gift on Christmas morning with a sad look in her eyes...
I said: “If you think that’s the end, you’ve got another thing coming!”
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
When someone gifts you a watch
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.
With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
Who is most fond of gag gifts?
I got fired from the shoe factory, but they were nice enough to leave me with a parting gift.
This guy stops in a second hand petshop looking for a last minute Christmas gift for his wife.
The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500.
The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him
“This is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.”
He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining “jingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations..
“Rudolph” “Frosty the Snowman” “Drummer Boy” even “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard!
The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. “ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs.
“NO honey it really works watch!”
“Im going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs.
“WAIT Honey, one more time, please!”
He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out
“CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”
Don't worry about catching COVID from the gifts that Santa delivers
They will all be Santatized
What's the best housewarming gift?
My brother said he would gift me either a short sleeved shirt or a German sausage.
I hope for the vest but expecting the wurst.
It was around Christmas and I had bought gifts for everyone except my parents.
I had no idea what to get them. But after a long brainstorming I finally decided to get the a new fridge.
It's was actually so satisfying to see their faces lit up as they opened it.
Why are cats considered mindful when their is an open gift box nearby?
Because they always live in the present.
Why didn’t the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?
Wolverine delivered tons of gifts on Christmas
People called him Santa Claws
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
What does Ariana Grande send when someone gives her gifts?
This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.
Sorry. I just gotta vent.
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
I left it late to get a gift for my mum for Mother’s Day. Ended up at a petrol station. I bought her some Lorry Oil...
My English grammar teacher was having some marriage problems and it was really getting to him, so the whole class joined in to buy him a gift
After we bought him a simple present, he was past tense
Star Trek fans always expect a gift when going to a convention.
They call it the Enter prize
My company is giving yo-yos as our gift this holidays and we are trying to think of a pun to include in our greeting cards. Any ideas?
A jewellery set for a gift 'sounds' great
It's got a nice ring to it
Space heaters are the best house-warming gifts.
Did you see the final episode of that new Netflix series about the dude who couldn't stop buying himself gifts!?
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m finding it hard to deal with this.
What it the best Christmas gift?
A broken drum.. you can never beat it
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find it extremely difficult to deal with.
What is the best gift you can give someone? Answer: a broken drum...
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