My company is giving yo-yos as our gift this holidays and we are trying to think of a pun to include in our greeting cards. Any ideas?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/birdlawyer213
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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It’s the time of year for gift giving, just don’t use the term β€˜white elephant’

It’s racist, they prefer to be called Republicans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benderismylord
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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I'm not giving my wife an anniversary gift this year. Last year I got her an expensive gift and she didn't use it !!

A burial plot....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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What did the Three Magi say after giving Mary and Joseph two of their gifts?

But wait there's Myrrh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ninjaboi333
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
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My Grandpa On Gift Giving

We were talking about gift giving practices in America and my grandpa said that it's rude to give people a pant as a gift.

We all looked at him strangely until he said "you have to give them a pair."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GiovannisPersian
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2015
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Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.

Sorry. I just gotta vent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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What does Ariana Grande send when someone gives her gifts?

A thank you.....text.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justoblanco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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What is the best gift you can give someone? Answer: a broken drum...

You can't beat it...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoliathGr33nman
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!

They’re so shellfish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b0wser_304
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Gives son $10 Gift Card to Walmart

Dad: "Don't Spend it all at one place"

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Pun request?

Not sure if this is allowed here. But I thought I’d give it a try.

I’m buying a stand mixer for my SO’s birthday. I was looking to add a note to the gift that’s punny. β€œI hope the treats you make with this are as sweet as you”. That ones terrible. I think?

But I would definitely love some help. Thank you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMWasap
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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The gift my calculus teacher gives to each student every year
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Burkinator_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
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If your Mother doesn’t give you a gift in return today, you’re allowed to take yours back and keep it for yourself.

After all, it is Sunday, too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirnacane
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
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Mom Joke

My pregnant wife was just wondering if the hospital's gift shop was open.

I asked "Why?"

She said she wanted to get something nice. It'll be our last kid. Just something to say "I knew I had it in me to give birth..." Then she chuckled proudly.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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My wife and kids put stickers all over a bottle of liquor for my dad for Christmas.

I said " Give him a gift of the Holiday Spirit".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShiverMeeTimberz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Tom absolutely loves tractors

A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.

As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys were gone with the wind at this point, as Tom spent all his waking hours playing with this one tractor toy.

Fast forward a few years, and Tom's now approaching his 10th birthday, with his love for tractors intact and intensified. His parents discuss what to get for him, and decide that a ride-on tractor to replace his bike is the best gift they can give him.

Tom absolutely loves the gift, and spends all of his time out of school riding around the neighbourhood while his bike collects dust in the garage.

We come forward a few more years, as Tom approaches his 18th birthday, with an only intensified adoration of tractors. His father pulls him aside on the morning of his birthday, saying "Now son, I know that we've promised you a car, but we know what you really want."

He leads him outside, to a brand new tractor with a bow on it, saying that this is his welcome to adulthood.

Tom is beyond excited, and spends the next few months going everywhere in his tractor - grocery trips, bars, classes, friends' houses.....

Again, a few years later, Tom is driving down a back country road, in the middle of nowhere, with his tractor, in the middle of a storm. The tractor breaks down, and with no air conditioning or any form of modern comforts, Tom is in a miserable mood until someone finally comes past for him to flag down for help. After this, Tom realises that although tractors are fun, maybe they're not the best transport method out there.

Tom ages through a few more years, and finds himself driving down another road in the middle of nowhere in his car, and sees a house on fire just off the road. Being a good samaritan, he pulls over and heads up the driveway to a woman running out of the house screaming "Please, help, help! My baby is trapped in there! Go and call 911, please!"

Tom turns around, then, before leaving, has a brainwave.

He turns back and walks towards the flames, saying "Don't worry, ma'am, I've got this."

He takes a deep breath in, and the fire disappears into nothingness. As you'd expect, the woman is in awe, and asks, "Oh my God, how did you do that?!"

Tom simply responds, "Well you see ma'am, I'm an extractor fan."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asurarkt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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I just wanted to share this one that my 10yr old dropped on me yesterday. .

She was hungry and asked me to get her some cereal. I gave it to her, and she says, "Mom, before I eat, I just want to take a second to thank you for giving me the gift of Life."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prouncycat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
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A whimsical tale...

There once was a princess named Emily, but the royal family called her Em for short. One day the king posed a riddle in order to choose a suitor for his eldest daughter, Elizabeth. The riddle was as follows:

Elizabeth has two apples, and Emily has one apple. Emily gives Elizabeth her apple as a wedding gift. How might you calculate the total amount of apples Elizabeth has presently?

Many days passed and no one could figure out the answer. Of course, on the first day a man came and answered, β€œSire, to calculate the amount of apples Elizabeth has, you must add Emily’s apple.” He was promptly executed.

After this, the kingdom was stumped. Nobody knew how to calculate Elizabeth’s apples if the answer was not to simply to add Emily’s apple, and none dared to try and answer unless they were absolutely sure of it.

One night, a young man, determined to find the answer, climbed up the palace walls to watch the royal family as they ate.

β€œFather,” said Emily, β€œhave you made the riddle too hard? No one has been able to guess it yet.”

β€œNo worries Em,” responded the king, I have confidence that the time will come soon.”

The young man descended the wall, having learned the secret to the riddle.

The next day, dressed In his finest clothes, the young man approached the king with the answer to the riddle.

β€œWhat is your answer, young man?” declared the king.

The young man replied, β€œIn order to calculate Elizabeth’s apples, you must ADD EM’S APPLE.”

The king answered β€œlol get it?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diezlk9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2017
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I'm still chortling about this one a month later.

As a new(ish) dad I feel it's my duty to really bring all the dad jokes to the yard. Lately it's been coming a bit more naturally.

The Girlfriend and I were sitting on the couch and she was talking about how much she loved all the prizes and gifts that Ellen is always giving out on her show.

My response: "I heard she is going to stop giving things away, so she's changing her name to Ellen Deselfish."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/suicidal_smrtcar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2015
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In my family, we like to ridicule whoever gets the fewest amount of gifts at Christmas.

(This is a true story.)

Usually this is my Dad. My Mom will be opening presents all day, and Dad is done after he unwraps his three gifts.

We really give him a hard time and he loves it. He's a champ.

Well one year, we're opening gifts, and my brother's got almost nothing in his little pile. He had recently bought a house and his main gift was a garden hose.

This is exciting because we're gonna just tear into him. He is a good sport and he is ready to bask in the glory of his Christmas failure.

We finish the unwrapping and my Dad looks over to him and says "Well son, you really got hosed this year".

P.S. I am x-posting my own comment from an AskReddit thread at someone's suggestion, and definitely NOT in a shameless quest for karma.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbenz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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I need a pun about graduation and/or bookmarks!

Weird request but I wanted a pun for when I give my friend her graduation gift. I'm giving her a really nice handmade bookmark. Any help would be appreciated!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maebella
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2015
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I need a pun involving books.

I'm giving my boss a book as a gift and I want to write a punny inscription - bonus points if it's a dad joke because he loves dad jokes.

thanks!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/turddicken
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2015
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A love story

There was a little boy who absolutely loved tractors, so for his 3rd birthday, his father bought him a little toy one. The boy thought this was the best toy he had ever gotten, and ignored all his other gifts to focus on the tractor, pushing it around the lounge whenever he got the chance, making tractor noises etc.

As the boy grows a little bit older, he comes to his 10th birthday, when his dad says "Alright son, you're a little older now, so here you go" before giving him a push-along ride-on tractor for their backyard. The boy thinks this is even better than his now quite old toy tractor, and is taking days off school and everything just to ride around the house and neighbourhood on his push-along tractor.

He gets a little older again, and lo and behold, it's now his 18th birthday. His dad comes up to him during the party and says "Ok son, you're a man now, so here you go" before unveiling a fully functional tractor for his son. "Wow, thanks Dad, this is amazing!" says the son, before taking it for a quick test drive. The tractor becomes his main transport, as he goes to the grocery store and just generally cruises in his brand new tractor.

He decides to take the tractor on it's first proper outing, and goes into the middle of nowhere, with no cell service or house to be seen for miles, and the tractor of course breaks down. It takes him a while to get in touch with AAA and his Dad to come and help him out, so he decides after that experience that maybe it would be a better idea to invest in a car than a tractor after all.

Lo and behold, a few years later, the now adult son is driving down the same road in his new car, although there's now a house there that is engulfed in flames! A lady comes out, screaming "Help! Help! Call 911, my baby is trapped inside!" The man simply stops and says "It's ok, mam, I've got this." He takes in a massive gulp of air, and the entire fire just disappears! The lady says "Wow, that's amazing! How did you do that?!" before the man responds with "Well, you see mam, I'm an ex tractor fan."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatchyJosh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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Dadjoking the headlines

The headline on our local paper yesterday said, "Giving the gift of guns." My husband stared at it for a second, then said, "I guess a lot of people want gym memberships for Christmas."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superflippy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
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I dadjoked God...

So we say a blessing before the family eats dinner, and last night the wife brought home a stack of Hot and Ready pizzas from Little Caesar's. Since Jesus said, "Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and to God what belongs to God" (Mark 12:17), I started the prayer: "Bless us, Caesar, for these your gifts, which we receive from your bounty..."

The wife was not amused. Got an eyeroll from the 13 year old tho!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YYURYYUBICURYY4ME
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2014
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My dad dropped this one while receiving my gift from them

My dad had some icing from cinnamon rolls on his hand, so when he went to give me my gift (bike), he got some of the icing on it.

Me: "Dad, can you get me a napkin or something to wipe the icing off?"

Dad: "Why? You got a pretty sweet ride!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kortheuerm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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I lost 50 pounds on a diet over the past year...

Meanwhile, when I came back home to visit family this summer, my parents were surprised by the amount of weight I lost, as I had gone from 275 pounds over the summer to 250 over the winter to 225 now. They'd just been back from Scotland, and right after they congratulated me on my weight loss, my father remarked that he had a gift to give me from their trip:

http://i.imgur.com/19Io48t.jpg

Really, Dad?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DriftingSkies
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2015
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After a lifetime of hilariously corny puns, and silly jokes, my dad has definitely rubbed off on me.

Last night my dad was showing me a gift he picked up for our annual white elephant gift exchange with the family at my grandparents house. It was a large wooden Reindeer, with Christmas light and decorations painted on it, and huge, baby-like eyes. This is how the conversation went. Dad: "I don't think it's too bad. It's kind of different, but not a bad present." Me: "It was a good gift, I don't think it's bad at all. It's enDEERing!" He smiles, gives me an overdramatic groan and eye-roll, and then high-fives me. I love my dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SourGrape_Snape
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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Got

My step-dad and mom gifted me this metallic sun to hang outside my house; anyways he is always giving me 'house advice' some of which I admittedly don't take....

"Nice looking sun" I said "Yeah, this son listens, too" he exclaims without a hitch

Cool step-dad, I have.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EVRYEDGE
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2014
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