My friends just told me that efts grow to be small salamanders that are usually semiaquatic as adults...

That's newts to me!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.

That way I can be fast asleep.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kshep1188
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Several religious groups are banding together to outlaw adult toys.

Their reasoning is the Bible says, "It's Adam and Eve, not Florence + the Machine."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qualekk
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
I need an adult, pls & thank u
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How do people actually make new mates as an adult?

Asking for a friend

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Draco_6160
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
Why are adults evil?

Because 18 is three sixes!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecIsMuchJuvenile
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
When does a adult know it’s time to stop parting and drinking?

When it becomes a parent

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolme07
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I would get into trouble as a kid, if I swore in front of an adult.

Now as an adult, I get into trouble for swearing in front of a kid.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Adult deer may not taste good covered in melted cheese

But their fawn do.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendan_07
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a young adult who can’t leave her house due to a pandemic?

Quaran-teen

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.

Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deathorcharcoal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My nickname in the adult film industry used to be Tri-Pod..

I was the best camera man they ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeastWhiteKid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a jewish person who is too young to be considered an adult

Jewvenile

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeDanny
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are baby cows cheaper than adults?

Because they're calf price

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
You know you're an adult when you look at the ceiling after hearing a dad joke

Because you groan-up.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a child trying to learn how to be an adult

Adult lessons (adolescence)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/russianpruitt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stationary shop that sells adult toys?

Dictionary.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hang-me-im-guilty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Even as I grew from a kid to an adult...

My kidneys are still not adultneys

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/animalmaster05
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that you only become an adult after you've heard a terrible dad joke.

You become full groan

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AcidMittens
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
One thing is almost certain about the adult entertainment industry in light of covid-19:

It's going tits up.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Adult links
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Chicken pox parties are for kids. Adults go to a shingles bar.
πŸ‘︎ 297
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siphodeus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a baby and an adult???

It Depends...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How would a socially awkward adult go about emerging from a lair of eternal loneliness?

(Asking for a friend)

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texas_OT
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
As an adult I know now that my parents were actually Santa Claus.

But I still don’t know how they got to all those houses in one night.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackcatice
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Adult: A person who is fully grown or developed.

Two-dult: 2 people who are fully grown or developed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NairodI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
One of the particpants at an adult foster care home dropped this bomb.

I work at a house and take care of two gentlemen with mental disabilities who live there. One of them dropped this gem today:

Him: What would happen if I didn't have a mouth? I couldn't talk. What would happen if I didn't have a nose? I couldn't smell. What would happen if I didn't have any ears? I couldn't see. Me: Do you mean you couldn't hear? Him: No, my hat would fall down and cover my eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calebshmaleb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Adults have 2 kidneys, but most children have 4.
πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmyDabomb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
MOM: Look at all this work! I can't believe I have to be an adult for the rest of my life!

DAD: Not really hon. After 70 you can pretend to be senile, and be a kid again.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, my son explained to me in very simple terms that I am an adult but he isn't...

I kid you not

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What animal is not born yet but can also be an adult at the same time

Womb bat

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ol-CAt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I just turned 18 so I'm glad I'm an adult now....

I just wish my kidneys became adultneys

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haanalisk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
It wasn't til I studied Spanish as an adult that learned Spain discovered Canada.

As our teacher explained it, the first maps said "AcΓ‘, nada."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brewer1056
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Somebody finally found a use for adult-only bars

Weird. I always thought they were youth-less

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rhedkiex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Adult Cereals. imgur.com/EcU2P18
πŸ‘︎ 242
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Disco_dog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Simon Says for adults

Simon Says flashing orange left turn only light, green arrow left two lane lights and red light.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pumpdawg88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an adult man playing on a playground in his suit?

A lawyer on recess

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrbjordan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the young pirate see the adult movie?

Two eyepatches.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Not only does it make sense to get a job as an adult

It makes dollars.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LEGOF
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What the Fonz' favorite adult beverage?

Chardonn-Aaaay!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caferreri11
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Studies show that 55% of North American adults will fail eighth grade math.

For the remaining 55% of us, it is a piece of cake.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Here s a list of Adult Cereals

50 shades of grain

porn flakes

rice frisky

weeniabix

captain munch

special D

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keney001
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, my son explained to me in very simple turns that I am an adult but he isn't...

I kid you not

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report

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