My grown son asked me how I never seemed to lose the tv remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
When you grown up, you either become...
A: Grown adult.
B: Groan A dolt.
My wife told me I’ve grown as a person
Her actual word were “you’ve gotten fat”, but I know what she meant.
I ran into my nephew yesterday and said, “Wow! You must have grown a foot since I saw you last.”
He said, “Nope. Still have two.”
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Scientists have grown vocal chords in a Petrie dish
The results speak for themselves
I have an addiction to reading pop-up books, so I went to the library the other day to pick up some proper grown up books to look at. I have to admit there was some good stuff there, ...
... but unfortunately nothing that jumped out at me.
What do you call avocados that are grown in the Everglades?
Guacodiles
Credit to my dad
Meat Grown in Space for the First Time Ever
Did you know that fully grown deer don't like melted cheese?
Lately, I’ve grown increasingly apathetic towards eating vegetables
Some days, I just don’t carrot all
What do you call a vegetable grown in a brothel?
What do you call a vegetable grown in Russia?
Today I gave my dad some French beans I had grown in my garden.
He asked if they needed to go into quarantine!
(UK just asked everyone coming in from France to observe 2 weeks quarantine)
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my own grown barley
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains
My 4yo son was surprised I saw him doing something out of the corner of my eye. He asked how I saw him and I said, "Grown ups see all kinds of things."
"That's why it's called adult super-vision."
I grew a beard in isolation and I asked my daughter "Should I shave my beard?“ she said "No Dad, it's grown on me"
I said "Funnily enough it's grown on me too!"
A single drop of venom from inland taipan can kill a fully grown elephant.
I am glad that I am not a fully grown elephant
Adult: A person who is fully grown or developed.
Two-dult: 2 people who are fully grown or developed.
The other day I ran into someone who was shocked that I had grown a beard
To which I said, “I grew it over winter, but I’m thinking of shaving it off. Only it’s been growing on me”
“My goodness, you must have grown a foot since I last saw you!”
—-Doctor, seeing a patient again at Chernobyl.
Did you know you could have your ashes grown into a plant when you die
I'm going to have my ashes grown into an ash tree, with a grave stone that reads "he was dying to be grown this way" and in the back it will read "that pun was a grave mistake"
Johnny used to be a punk rocker in the 80’s. Now his kids are grown, he makes crocks at the pottery and loves to write jokes and puns.
He’s come full circle, he’s a pun crocker.
I watched a program on National Geographic, where they showed a huge plant which had grown papers instead of leaves.
My friend told me he had grown a beard.
But when I saw him I realised he is a bald-faced liar.
A report just came out that Peyton Manning’s forehead has grown even more since he retired from the NFL
What do you call an apple grown in an evergreen forest?
I also have a first home grown dad joke! I was driving behind a Subaru yesterday...
It didn't Impreza me much.
A female weightlifter went to the doctors and said “doctor I’ve been taking steroids and I’ve grown a cock”
“anabolic?” Asked the doctor.
“No, just the cock”
A joke my dad told me when I was little that I didn't get till I was grown for fathers day. How do you catch a polar bear
Cut a hole in the ice and surround it with peas. When the polar bear walks up to take a pee kick him in the ice hole.
As a Native American, I've grown to trust the US government
but I still have my reservations.
What did the leaf say after having grown back from being torn in half?
My husband has gradually grown to tolerate and even appreciate puns. Today he made me proud.
He made a pun in the shower, we giggled, and I noted how he's gone from hating puns to making his own. I called him my "young Padawan" and he responded, "You mean, Pun-awan?" It was seemless. I lost my shit. Just wanted to share with you guys :)
Grand-Dad Joke that I've grown up with... Seasonally appropriate
Which reindeer is the least famous?
Olive! Olive, the other reindeer!
I asked my dad if he had ever grown a beard...
"I tried once," he replied. "It was a very religious beard."
At this point my mom looks over at me and starts to roll her eyes, even as a reluctant smile creeps at the corners of her mouth. She's heard this one before, perhaps many times.
"It was holey."
You know why they call us grown-ups?
Because we groan when we get up!
Scientists have successfully grown human vocal chords in a petri dish.
The results speak for themselves
Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.
The results speak for themselves.
I saw my nephew after a long time, and said “Wow! You must have grown a foot since I saw you last!”
He said, “No. I still have two.”
Scientists have grown human vocal cords in a Petri dish.
The results speak for themselves.
Wow! You've grown a foot since I last saw you!
Oh never mind. You still have two!
I saw my nephew after a year and said, “Wow! You must have grown a foot since I saw you last.”
He said, “Nope. Still have two.”
If vocal chords could be grown in a Petri dish,
Do you think the results would speak for themselves?
Scientists have grown working vocal cords in the lab.
The results speak for themselves.
My beard has really grown on me!
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
