I need an adult, pls & thank u
πŸ‘οΈŽ 60
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MomentImmortalizer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27 2020
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I would get into trouble as a kid, if I swore in front of an adult.

Now as an adult, I get into trouble for swearing in front of a kid.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2020
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What do you call a young adult who can’t leave her house due to a pandemic?

Quaran-teen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DwightSchrutesGaydar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2020
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When does a adult know it’s time to stop parting and drinking?

When it becomes a parent

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Coolme07
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 03 2020
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Adult deer may not taste good covered in melted cheese

But their fawn do.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brendan_07
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2020
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When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.

Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/deathorcharcoal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2020
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My nickname in the adult film industry used to be Tri-Pod..

I was the best camera man they ever had.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BeastWhiteKid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 14 2020
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What do you call a jewish person who is too young to be considered an adult

Jewvenile

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MikeDanny
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2020
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What do you call a child trying to learn how to be an adult

Adult lessons (adolescence)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/russianpruitt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 14 2020
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You know you're an adult when you look at the ceiling after hearing a dad joke

Because you groan-up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2020
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What do you call a stationary shop that sells adult toys?

Dictionary.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hang-me-im-guilty
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 17 2020
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Why are baby cows cheaper than adults?

Because they're calf price

πŸ‘οΈŽ 58
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2020
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Even as I grew from a kid to an adult...

My kidneys are still not adultneys

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/animalmaster05
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2020
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Did you know that you only become an adult after you've heard a terrible dad joke.

You become full groan

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AcidMittens
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2020
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One thing is almost certain about the adult entertainment industry in light of covid-19:

It's going tits up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/place_of_desolation
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2020
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Adult links
πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2020
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What is the difference between a baby and an adult???

It Depends...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2020
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How would a socially awkward adult go about emerging from a lair of eternal loneliness?

(Asking for a friend)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Texas_OT
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2019
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Adult: A person who is fully grown or developed.

Two-dult: 2 people who are fully grown or developed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NairodI
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2020
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As an adult I know now that my parents were actually Santa Claus.

But I still don’t know how they got to all those houses in one night.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 46
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/blackcatice
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2019
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Chicken pox parties are for kids. Adults go to a shingles bar.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 299
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/siphodeus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 22 2019
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MOM: Look at all this work! I can't believe I have to be an adult for the rest of my life!

DAD: Not really hon. After 70 you can pretend to be senile, and be a kid again.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2019
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Yesterday, my son explained to me in very simple terms that I am an adult but he isn't...

I kid you not

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2019
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What animal is not born yet but can also be an adult at the same time

Womb bat

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ol-CAt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 26 2019
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Adults have 2 kidneys, but most children have 4.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 67
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JimmyDabomb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2018
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One of the particpants at an adult foster care home dropped this bomb.

I work at a house and take care of two gentlemen with mental disabilities who live there. One of them dropped this gem today:

Him: What would happen if I didn't have a mouth? I couldn't talk. What would happen if I didn't have a nose? I couldn't smell. What would happen if I didn't have any ears? I couldn't see. Me: Do you mean you couldn't hear? Him: No, my hat would fall down and cover my eyes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Calebshmaleb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2015
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I just turned 18 so I'm glad I'm an adult now....

I just wish my kidneys became adultneys

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/haanalisk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 10 2019
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It wasn't til I studied Spanish as an adult that learned Spain discovered Canada.

As our teacher explained it, the first maps said "AcΓ‘, nada."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Brewer1056
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 22 2019
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Somebody finally found a use for adult-only bars

Weird. I always thought they were youth-less

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rhedkiex
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 10 2019
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Simon Says for adults

Simon Says flashing orange left turn only light, green arrow left two lane lights and red light.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pumpdawg88
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 21 2019
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What do you call an adult man playing on a playground in his suit?

A lawyer on recess

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jrbjordan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2018
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Why couldn't the young pirate see the adult movie?

Two eyepatches.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/isthisusernametakenr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2018
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Adult Cereals. imgur.com/EcU2P18
πŸ‘οΈŽ 244
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Disco_dog
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2014
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What the Fonz' favorite adult beverage?

Chardonn-Aaaay!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/caferreri11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Not only does it make sense to get a job as an adult

It makes dollars.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 50
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LEGOF
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2018
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An adult finds a lost kid and asks him β€œDo you know your mom’s number?” The kid says he does and then tells him

β€œMy mom is number one”.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Papau_Dude
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2018
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Studies show that 55% of North American adults will fail eighth grade math.

For the remaining 55% of us, it is a piece of cake.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2018
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Why can’t baby ants walk to the store to get milk, but adults can?

Because they lack toes in toddler ants.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BigRike
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 28 2018
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Did you hear about the new adult math store?

You can go and watch MΓΆbius strip.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/larmoejr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2017
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Yesterday, my son explained to me in very simple turns that I am an adult but he isn't...

I kid you not

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2019
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What do children have 4 of but adults only have 2 of?

kidneys

πŸ‘οΈŽ 98
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/campbell6315
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2016
🚨︎ report

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