Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.
Wife: "you should probably read this when I am done so we can be on the same page."
Me: "how will we be on the same page if you've already finished the book?"
I think I already have this dad stuff down.
I don't know how to play chess.
So, it's service week at my school and I decided to serve locally at a nearby elementary school. I was assigned to a 3rd grade class. On the second day, the whole class was setting up Google Classroom, and after completing it, one of the little buggers looked at me said with a huge smile
"I'm done!"
Being a man of culture, I naturally responded with
"Hi Done! I'm [Dakkadence]."
The little girl looked at me, groaned, and facepalmed. She whined
"That's my dad's joke!"
With kids getting such an upbringing, I'm slowly regaining my faith for the next generation.
Edit: A word.
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
When I was first born, I didn't speak to them for 2 years.
......And I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.
We couldn't afford a dog.
....when you let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the table, infront of her kids.
They said the sky is the limit.
One Buck.
Because it's just a Bat, man!
Me: Cats. Cats love fish.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
Because they could elope.
A+ Honorable child
Because parents become Trans-parent
They told me "You're the doctor and this wasn't funny the first time".
Having two you are a referee
They haven’t noticed yet... but the thyme is cumin.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
What can I say? I've got my father's jeans.
They rocket.
Thy probably don't like each other.
Now I’ll never hear the end of it.
You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."
Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.
Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.
Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."
Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)
Let me be Frank
Bernie.
Their wifi password is " our40yrsoldbaby", i mean come on I'm 45.
Because they were Ma 'n' Da Rin.
So I could have twice as many dad jokes.
He was just a common-tater.
...putting words in my mouth
I told her “we already watched that together, don’t you remember?”
I had no idea what to get them. But after a long brainstorming I finally decided to get the a new fridge.
It's was actually so satisfying to see their faces lit up as they opened it.
“I’m in bread”
They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of “ask your mother”.
So I told Her,"No.I'm half German and half Irish."
I originally posted this in r/MaliciousCompliance, but several commenters thought it would be good here as well. I hope this isn't a re-run for too many of you.
This was years ago when my son was starting middle school. I was transporting him and a group of his new friends. One of the friends was French, and spoke French at home. My son mentioned that I had taken French in high school, and so one of his friends asked me to say something in French and see if French girl could understand me.
Before I go on, a note on parenting style: we joke around with our kids all the time. I know that not all parents joke with their children; some of my kids' friends enjoyed to a dad who makes a joke, and some would look at me like I grew a second head.
So I said to the French girl, «quelque chose». Immediately the friends turned to French girl and asked "What did he say?"
I waited, wondering whether she would join my joke.
A sly smile crept across her face as she said, "he said...something". The rest of the trip, the friends tried to convince her to reveal what it was that I had said. «quelque chose» is the French phrase for "something".
It's true, before he was the batman, Bruce was the bat boy!
Martha was burning with curiosity
That kid didn’t help me at all.
They had raised her butter.
"They become brain-dad!"
Having two, makes you a referee.
I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French
