She said, “Yeah.”
I said, “I knew it!”
They’re a big fan of gross domestic products.
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
My response: Not sure son, that’s kind of a grey area.
She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, “where do I drop it off?”
She says, “Go in the front door and there’s a little desk that you -“
“Don’t you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?”
... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!
"Fair enough," I shouted back, "which one does he want to read?"
Well, what can i say, kids his age are irrational
Because they love to arrr-gue and never sea eye-to-eye(patch)
Her: Yes
Me: I knew it!
He laughed and shouted, "Pilgrims!"
... so I sent my niece downstairs with the Nirvana album.
It was a wurst case scenario.
Dad: No, I'm going to put it up on that wall
One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.
The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right up and began play.
There was no doubt that the octopus was an excellent guitar player.
The man paid his handler $50 and sat down.
Another man brought a saxophone to the octopus.
The octopus took it and stared for a bit.
After a minute or two the octopus began playing a deep and soulful jazz solo.
This man paid his $50 and sat down.
The bartender went into the back and brought out a set of bag pipes.
The bartender said, “I’ll bet $100 that the octopus can’t play these bagpipes.”
The man agreed and handed them to the octopus.
The octopus sat there eyeing the bagpipes up and down for quite awhile.
The handler began to get nervous so he said to the octopus, “Hurry up and start playing the thing”
The octopus spewed, “Play it?! I wanna marry her!"
His name is Jack
I had just got my hair cut nice and short and been dropped around at my mate's house by mum. As i walk in: Mate's Dad: Hey bonya, who did ya hair cut? Me: (slightly confused) My hair didn't cut anybody...
They're calling them microchips.
Why?
Because the steaks were very high!
Ella.
Their relationship really had it’s ups and downs.
Don’t believe me? Just watch.
So I was working on a beard for a show I was in on the time, and it was starting to come in well. We were sitting together and leans over and goes, "Ya know, the beard is really growing on me." I thought about it for a second and said, "No...it's growing on me."
Disclaimer: not a regular dad joke.
My wife (+ step kids) and I split up earlier this year and I told my stepdad I was feeling pretty bummed out with it being Father's Day and me now kidless, so I rode my motorcycle to the beach to get some wings. He said "don't worry about it, if I had the choice between being a father or getting wings, I would have gotten wings too." Can't decide if I should feel better or worse.
I came back with this http://imgur.com/9KgUeRK
Dad jokes are the best medicine
It would be mulch appreciated
"Well, it's in bread."
