An essay had a picture of a young sheep. Nowhere did the writer cite where he got it from.

Where's the lamb source!?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoruscareGames
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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What was Lloyd cited for?

Lloydering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adjustablenow
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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My English teacher gave me a D on my literature essay. Among other things, my Works Cited page was apparently β€œtoo short and informal”.

His words, not mine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cylasbreakdown
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Why don't eggs tell jokes?

They'd crack each other up, and that wouldn't be so egg-citingly egg-celent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PersonWalker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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Why did the student stop citing references?

Because he had his appendix removed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pawailq
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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When writing papers, I used to have problems citing works by many authors. Now I have no trouble et al.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/celt1299
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2015
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what did the egg say as he was about to hatch?

this is so egg-citing!

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Quite an EGG-citing story

The other day I was working at a restaurant as a cook. Someone ordered a salad that typically has a sliced egg on it with extra egg salad on top. As I made it, I looked over to my coworker and said, "this is a little EGG-sessive."

We spent the next 2 hours making egg puns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edgeblackbelt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2014
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New road in Iceland to be halted citing concern for elf habitats.

I was reading through current articles of world news today and came across this relatively lighthearted article. My Father's response made it even better.

Iceland will halt construction of a new road as they have received concerns about the safety of elf habitats.

My father determined that the department responsible for this decision was the "Department of Elf and Safety".

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27907358

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πŸ‘€︎ u/calum231
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2014
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Bad collection of puns

Remember, only come here for cringe, Because this is the ultimate Pun Collection.

  1. What does McDonalds say to the tray when it betrays them? "You traytor!"
  2. Does Spider Man live in an egg? Because i heard he lives in New Yolk.
  3. These puns aren't very eggciting.
  4. lettuce taco bout it?
  5. I will asalt you with puns!
  6. What if your problem involves telling a phone? JUST TELEPHONE ALREADY!
  7. What if Jake stands close to Johnny when talking? He Here's Johnny!
  8. Stop asalting my hard with your judging pursesonality!
  9. I'll play the Yandere Simulater later.
  10. You herd about that show? It's called Spongebob Swearpants.
  11. Why did you diss stew me? (kinda hard to get, but just say it out loud.)
  12. What does someone say sarcastically in the middle of an intense war that was caused by someone? TANKS TO YOU!
  13. What type of plane that loves bounce? Boeing!
  14. How many money did we owe? It said it on the letter right? I don't know, you should've reddit!

I'm sorry for the cringe...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titanium_Steel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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I saw a student getting arrested by the police for plagiarism.

It was a cite to behold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ratboid314
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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What happens when two bibliographies go on a date

Love at first cite

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Did you hear about the collection of related network web resources identified with a common domain name that has nothing but quotes and their authors?

It's a web-cite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Did you hear about the dog that gave birth in the park?

She was cited for littering!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Looks like my BF is getting ready to be a dad

Me: Aww, that dog has three legs! BF: Well, most dogs have three legs. The only dogs that don't have three legs are dogs with two, one or zero legs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pbries
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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I tried to register slimshady.com, but it turns out that it is owned by the US Government.

They cited Eminem Domain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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My 6yo daughter dadjoked me (her dad) this weekend

"Are you excited to color eggs?"

"I guess you could say I was egg-cited! Wah-wah-WAAAAAH!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trevize1138
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2014
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The government forcibly took over Marshall Mathers’ childhood home.

They are citing Eminem Domain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Researchers have just found out that diarrhea is influenced by genetics

Citing the evidence that it runs in your jeans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deutschbag17
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2013
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Dadjoked by a math textbook.

This is just in the middle of a chapter and isn't even acknowledged by the surrounding passages. It's pretty baaad if you ask me. But really, thanks to this picture I will never forget what a shear transformation does.

Textbook is Linear Algebra and Its Applications by David C. Lay, since for some reason I feel like I should probably cite it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tananda7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2014
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Made a legal dad joke!

I work part time as a court clerk.

So I'm sitting in with the judge and another employee about a citation for a person who had a dog off leash and out of a fenced area cited for "running at large" so I asked "so if it's a small dog are they cited for 'running at small'?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DontNeedNoBadges
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
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The US Government Just Stole My Website Name!

They cited eminent domain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DirtieHarry
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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I tried to go on slimshady.com, but it turns out that the US government has taken it over.

They are citing Eminem Domain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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My grandpa sent me this email. King of dad jokes.
  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

  14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

  15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

  16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

  17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

  18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

  19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  21. A backward poet writes inverse.

  22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

  23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

edit: formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattybreit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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