My son is taking part in a social experiment. He has to wear a "GO VEGAN" t-shirt for 2 weeks and see how people react. So far he's been spit on, punched and had a bottle thrown at him! I'm curious to see what happens once he goes outside.
With a cat, you have a glimpse into marriage.
Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.
Wife: "you should probably read this when I am done so we can be on the same page."
Me: "how will we be on the same page if you've already finished the book?"
I think I already have this dad stuff down.
I don't know how to play chess.
So, it's service week at my school and I decided to serve locally at a nearby elementary school. I was assigned to a 3rd grade class. On the second day, the whole class was setting up Google Classroom, and after completing it, one of the little buggers looked at me said with a huge smile
"I'm done!"
Being a man of culture, I naturally responded with
"Hi Done! I'm [Dakkadence]."
The little girl looked at me, groaned, and facepalmed. She whined
"That's my dad's joke!"
With kids getting such an upbringing, I'm slowly regaining my faith for the next generation.
Edit: A word.
My dad asked, "so you like both men and women?"
I responded with, "yeah, but I'm not seeing anyone right now"
He said, "so you must be on stand-bi"
so I guess that means I’m not actually their sun.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
"You're grounded!"
At least make sure the song they're listening to is in triple time first.
Secretly (when my wife was out), I'd ask her "who do you love more?", and praise her when she said "dadda!". This has been going on for weeks now.
The other day, my wife got home and I wanted to show her my little 'trick'. So I asked our daughter, "Who do you love more?", in which case she replied "dadda!" and ran towards my wife (which is very clearly her favourite btw).
My wife, who didn't care much for the new thing I taught our daughter, bent down and picked her up to cuddle with her. Her facial expression changed a bit, then she laughed. She looked at me and said "well, she ran to me as she said that, and her diaper is full... so clearly she was full of crap when she said that!"
My wife is now in on the dad jokes and won this one!
Edit: Bolded the text to emphasize what part of this story was the dad joke...
Final Edit: My wife was surprised at how much this blew up! She says thanks to everyone, but she has no idea what the awards are for (since she doesn’t use Reddit). 😂
scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering Luke's questions that he just dies.
THIS REALLY ANNOYED MY YOUNGER SISTER.
Dad said he didn’t like my tone.
I would have a daughter
So they enveloped.
She packed up her bags and right.
Seriously, any tips are welcome
Then I got Antidepressants
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.
...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
Nani?
It's a dad-ly disease.
I told her I was just completely sunburnt
Now he's a full rack developer.
These were the most awkward 40 minutes of my life
That's just not how I roll.
And that I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
Beacuse they were trans-parents
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
My dad doesn't like her.
One Buck.
It was the darkest day of my life.
I guess you could say they're transparent.
“Will my son able to speak again?”
"And you want to send me to a psychologist for sucking my thumb."
When I was first born, I didn't speak to them for 2 years.
Their parents weren't happy.
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
