I asked my future father-in-law for his daughter's hand in marriage.

He said I hope you take the rest of her too!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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My father in law is the master at Dad Jokes, this is my favorite he tells my son

You must be built backwards because your feet smell and your nose runs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCandle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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I found a cool rock in my father-in-law's yard. FIL- Oh that's a native American fertility stone. Me- Really! How can you tell? FIL- ....

It's a fuckin rock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plumbbookknurd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants

it was very grounding

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Queen-of-meme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bilgerat78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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I wanted to buy a $30 meal for my father, my grandfather and father-in-law. I figured they'd lump em all together and charge a reduced fee...

But no. I was charged $30 a pop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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"I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding

"Add some jam on it," he continued

(Smh this wasn't appreciated enough at r/jokes)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QueenKyoko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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Just got the Father-in-law with this one... Me: At Disney World parades they keep people in line with masking tape on the ground.

Father-in-Law: And do people actually adhere to it? Me: No, cuz they put it sticky side down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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My father-in-law (who's last name is Word) after a week of travel: Are you getting sick of the Word "family"?

Me: That's an odd word to get sick of.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dye590
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.

I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ICWhatsNUrP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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My father-in-law knows how much I love puns, so he gave me this game for Christmas
πŸ‘︎ 330
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alx924
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
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Got my father-in-law. Now he accepts that I'm ready to be a dad.

My mother-in-law and father-in-law are named Mary and Jeff. As we left their house last night on Christmas Eve, I hugged my mother-in-law and said "Merry Christmas", then hugged my father-in-law and said "Jeff Christmas".

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNamesNotTaylor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
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Walking into Lowes with my father in-law, he got my brother in-law and I good.

As we are getting close to walking into the store we walk past three gentlemen standing outside and one of them is holding some lumber. My father in-law looks at them and says "Must be having an important board meeting, carry on gentlemen".

We died laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Praefectus27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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Father in law in the store.

So we're Swedish and this joke only works in Swedish (sorry). We went to buy some food, and the word liver has 2 meanings in Swedish ( lever - live and liver) So I said (pointing at the liver) Liver. He walk up to it and stares at it... And then he says nah looks pretty dead to me...

Sorry probably not so funny for you non sweeds..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OHDEERGOAT
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2014
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Father-In-Law hit me with this after asking him about his truck

We're supposed to go pick up a jeep in his truck and I wanted to make sure the trailer wiring was the same for his newer truck

https://i.imgur.com/KKMuKue.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AtlasOffroader
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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My father-in-law told my wife that there was β€œpee” on the floor
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fishguts1001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2013
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Father-In-Law having trouble with Posts on his new Facebook account. [OC] [DadJokes] [xpost] imgur.com/a/h4UXP
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultimape
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2014
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My Father in Law, ladies and gentlemen...

Just saw this comment he made on Facebook... http://i.imgur.com/I8k3ngT.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlokeDownUnder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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My father-in-law, whenever someone injures themself

It'll feel better when it stops hurting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megabozz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2015
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Courtesy of my father in law

He was watching my son and then sent this.

something witty

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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Had dinner with the future father in law last night

And I looked at my food sighed heavily and put my face in my hands.

Him: "What's going on?"

Me: "There's just so much on my plate right now"

Then I asked for his daughters hand in marriage.

It was a yes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevingcp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
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My father-in-law posted this today. Not a typical Dad Joke, but I figured this sub would appreciate it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/solstice4l
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
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Dadjoked my father-in-law

Father-in-law gets out of the shower, says to my husband,"You're up!" I reply, "Asia!" :::crickets::: I add, "Oh, I thought we were just saying names of continents." The look of jealous contempt from my FIL was priceless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asparagusbelle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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My Father-In-Law, ladies and gentlemen
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πŸ‘€︎ u/king_crow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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My father in law stands corrected

He posted this on Facebook yesterday:

I noticed that when I stood I leaned slightly to the left. My wife insisted that I go to the doctor, against my will. He diagnosed my left leg slightly shorter than my right. Adding insoles to my shoe cured me. Debbie reminded me how I doubted her about going to the doctor. I replied, "I stand corrected."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solstice4l
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2016
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Father-In-Law just laid this one on the wife and I

So my wife is working on Genealogy stuff, and was asking her dad about some of his family history. After telling a few stories about some of his other uncles, he comes to his uncle Charles. "I was named after him, you know..." he tells us.

We look at him more than a bit incredulously, as his name is Michael.

He smiles and says "What? I sure as hell wasn't named BEFORE him..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohnoesazombie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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Take some peppermint from my garden, My Father in Law suggested

"It needs to be used before it goes bad."

Mr.Brotato responds: "Would you say it's no longer in....mint condition?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmashedBrotato
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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Repartee with father-in-law

My father-in-law is good at puns and dad jokes, and we usually just groan. However, the other day he and I had this exchange:


FIL: I'm disappointed in this sub.

Me: Would you say that it's sub par?

FIL: The lack of meatballs really torpedoed it.

Me: It would take a real hero to save it.

FIL: My buddy Hoagie, he could do it.

Me: yeah, he's a real grinder.

FIL and me: [fistbump]


Literally the first time he and I fistbumped. My wife and mother-in-law both facepalmed.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edgesmash
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2014
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My Father-in-law is a lawyer. He was going on a scuba trip.

We told him to stay safe and make sure he didn't get bitten by a shark. He said "Nah, sharks won't bite me. Professional courtesy"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tullyswimmer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
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My father-in-law just got me with this one....face palm.

How do you get down off an elephant? You don't....you get down from a duck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solstice4l
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2014
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My father in law attempted a dad joke. I ruined it.

Father in law: Have you ever seen pine nuts?

Me: Yah why?

FIL: How did you get it to spread it's legs(snickers)

Me: Log splitter (drinks beer)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/insanotard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
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Father in law on fire this Sunday afternoon

Doing a crossword with my father in law and mother in law. He told me that he completed The Times crossword (which is apparently one of the hardest crosswords) the other day all except one clue. Mother in law says "go on then darling tell me the clue I bet I'll work it out" He says the clue is "heavily laden postman" She says "how many letters" He says "hundreds and hundreds I should think" Dead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megpuss21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2016
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My father-in-law is teaching me well

He texted my wife the following (my name's Hoss)

Do you know what that motion is called when Hoss walks his Harley backwards out of the garage without starting it?

Reverse Hossmosis! :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_Not_Famous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
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[X-Post: r/DadJokes] My Father-In-Law, ladies and gentlemen
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πŸ‘€︎ u/king_crow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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My father in law's favourite joke

When someone asks him if he got a haircut he responds "No, I got them all cut!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superbok1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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My father in law is a pro

My father in law hurt his foot last week. We asked him if it has healed yet.

"Oh, it is 'healed', but it is not well, yet"

The groans in the room were deafening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevbob02
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2015
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my father in-law is the annoying king of dadjokes. pulled out this monster today

My wife was telling her mom about a story she read online about a crazy boyfriend who cut his girlfriends young sons head off. Her mom freaks out and goes omg where? Dad responds right above the shoulders where else

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaronfitz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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My father-in-law: still dad-joking, even in the emergency room

While sitting on a gurney in the ER for chest pains (he's fine, just high blood pressure):

Doctor: So, what brought you here today? Father-in-law: The ambulance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/witty_username
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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After shoveling the driveway, my father in law told me he threw his back out.

I don't know why he would do that. He's definitely going to need it still.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chadburycreameggs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2017
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My Father-in-law just dropped this one at dinner last night.

My wife: My friend broke her in ankle in 3 places! FIL: What places? She should stop going to those places.

Everyone else groaned but I laughed and congratulated him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElGuaco
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2015
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Father-in-Law got me good. imgur.com/PjNabif
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nRRe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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Dadjoked my father-in-law

FIL, MIL, wife and I are in a car looking for a parking space, FIL driving. We're in a packed parking lot and he says to everyone, "look for a parking spot."

I point to a row of cars and say "there's a bunch right there!"

Wife says "none are empty, though."

I say "Yeah, but they're parking spots!"

FIL gave me the stink eye and sighed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madprofessor8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2015
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My Father-in-Law on his death bed

The hospice nurse was asking mandatory questions of my Father-in-Law, terminal with cancer:

Nurse: Were you ever sexually abused as a child?

Father-in-Law: No, I was neglected.

Nurse: (surprised) Neglected?

Father-in-Law: No one ever loved me enough to give me any sexual abuse.

It's possible to laugh and cry at the same time. My Father-in-Law was legendary and laughed even in the face of death.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fericyde
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
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Father in law was barbecuing for labor day

I asked if he wanted to help and he said Yeah for sure, but then I said "nah forget, you can just go shuck yourself". He was proud I married into the family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TEMPLEWORKER
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2016
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My father-in-law got my 3-year-old son

My in-laws were over and playing with my son. My father-in-law put a small bucket on his head like a hat.

He looked at my son and asked, "Does this hat make me look pail?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuestionMarkyMark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2015
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You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is

The law

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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