(My Grandma called me just to tell me this one): Why did the farmer bury a lightbulb?
He wanted to grow a power plant
As a family we couldn't decide whether to have our grandma buried or cremated ...
I’m ready to share my Grandma’s special Gold soup recipe: first you boil the water,
At my grandma’s funeral there was a bowl of her favorite candy on the table.
Your grandparents are planning their funeral arrangements in advance. Grandma wants to be transported in a horse and carriage grandpa wants a Ferrari.
Setting up to be a real race to the finish but I think Grandpa is winning this one.
What do call a Grandma on speed dial?
Accidentally knocked my grandmas ashes into a fog machine....
I decided not to go to Grandma’s funeral
I’m not really a mourning person.
Just got this one from my 90 year old grandma: when does a joke become a dad joke?
... when it is full groan!
(Glad she still has her sense of humor at her age; gives me hope for my future!)
My grandma is very cheap .
When she dies, she'll probably walk towards the light and turn it off.
At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.
She's 92 now. We have no idea where she is.
From My grandma: what’s the slipperiest country?
My grandma has to get hip surgery.
I didn't know she would go to such great lengths to stay hip.
What did 50cent say to his grandma after she made him a sweater?
Just got my grandma good, and made my father proud
After eating dinner with my parents and grandma, I got a bag of Little Bites Fudge Brownies from the pantry. My grandma asks me if they were from the box. I hold them up and point to the package and say “no they’re from the bag”
My dad and I lost it and started crying. Pray that we find it soon.
What do you call an Indian grandma?
My grandma told me Holocaust jokes aren’t funny.
I took my grandma to one of those fish spas where the fish eat all your dead skin.
So much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
I accidently dropped grandma's ashes into my fog machine.
I got my grandma a new walking frame made by NASA and she's starting to get the hang of it...
It's one small step for Nan....
My grandma had a terrible seizure this morning....
My grandma turned 102 today...
When I asked her, "Whats your secret?"
She looked me straight in the eyes and said, " God is punishing me."
My grandma died peacefully in her sleep...
...unlike the rest of the people in the car who probably died screaming, “Irene! Irene! Wake up! Wake Up!!
What do you call a pagan grandma?
Grandma texted to say my cousin named her baby girl Hadison.
Grandma came out of the closet today.
We were looking for her all day yesterday.
My Grandma is 96 years old and she still doesn't need glasses
She drinks straight from the bottle
Did you hear about the Grandma that was lost in the Alps?
The while searchers were looking for her they would call out “little-old-lady-whooo”
My Grandma was talking about the good old days and said “in my day we could leave the door unlocked and not worry about it!” and “we grew up with nothing but we were happy”...
I replied “Well Grandma, I hate to break it to you, but you grew up with nothing because you kept leaving the door unlocked!”
What did Grandma say when her dentures fell out after watching watching a bad movie?
Hey Grandpa! I need motif!
We took Grandpa sledging the other day and he caught a terrible cold. Grandma put goosefat all over his chest.
He went downhill pretty quick after that.
My grandma was famous for her delicious strawberries. She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so everyone could visit and enjoy them. I fulfilled her wish.
Grandma took my weed so I took her wheelchair.
Neither of us is rolling.
My neighbor told me about his grandma's farm
He said he was sad because he used to hate avocados and she used to have many trees. The farm was sold and now they're all gone to make room for condos.
I corrected: avocondos
I put my grandma's no. On speed dail, I call it insta-gram
Without a tallow source, I improvised quickly after remembering my grandma's recipe...
My friend’s grandma died while making spaghetti sauce.
I guess she just ran out of thyme.
My grandma thought of this
Where did Noah keep the bees in the arkhive
What do you call a sheep grandma?
Zac Earphone (It's what my grandma calls him)
What do you call Bruce Wayne's Grandma?
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.
To which I said, “That doesn’t make cents.”
What does Grandpa call Grandma when she's crabby?
My grandma got cooler after surgery.
Hip replacement. Surgeon gave her a bigger size. She's a lot more hip now.
Your grandma used to teach English at school...
...and that’s why she’s always grandmatically correct.
I put my grandma on speed dial
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