Grandma Birthday Puns

I said that's awesome, but you can't really have much of a party in a minute and a half.

A pair of aargh-yle socks.

"You're going to use up all the film taking so many pictures!"

Every year my father think's it's hilarious to say "It's amazing, you were born a day before Jesus and are still with us."

Diddly squats

Grandpa: What should I get grandma for her birthday?

Me: A watch, can't go wrong with a watch.

Grandpa: Nah, there's a clock on the stove

My grandma has started using facebook this year and she loves to post things like this on my wall:

"I wanted to send you a Fairy Tale for your birthday, but they tend to Dragon." ""Tis better to have loved a short person than never to have loved a tall." "Two left feet? It wasn't until the mid 19th. century that shoe manufacturers began making right and left shoes. Clarks was the first to do so. Before that, our ancestors who walked a lot had sore feet. Those poor souls!"

She's got a million of them, and is apparently determined to post all of them

I just got back in town for the holidays and my family was taking my grandmother to her birthday party. As we were getting in the car my dad asks my grandma, who was in the back seat directly behind him, if she had enough leg room.

Grandma: "Oh, I've got more than enough room. There's a foot between us!"

Me: "That's strange, I'm pretty sure there should be two feet between you..."

My extended family was all at my grandparents house talking about visiting the family burial plot on my great grandmas birthday (she passed years ago).

This is when grandpa said he sold his burial plot. Grandma looked at him a little confused and surprised because they were going to be buried next to each other.

Grandpa smiles and says, "What? Till death do us part. After that you're on your own!"

About a minute of laughter ensued.