How tall is the world's smallest grandmother ?

One nannameter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
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Grandmothers are like websites

They keep telling you to accept their cookies.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow__987
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
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My grandmother bought some curved yellow fruit and a French pineapple.

Now nana has a banana and an ananas.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepWouldBeNice
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
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My grandmother is getting cremated in Kentucky.

Not sure if I should get original or extra crispy.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meltingXsnowman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
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My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.

She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
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I've been to visit my grandmother's grave three times this week and each time someone has mysteriously covered it in gravy granules.

The plot thickens.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
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Grandmother's hair sweater.

My mother just told me she was sending me a sweater made of my grandmother's hair. As if that isn't bothersome enough, she's also sending me the tool used to make it. Evidently, she expects my wife to make one as well, keeping with tradition.

"Mom," I said, "This is so awful. Please don't send me that stuff."

"But Ben," she says, "It's a family hair loom."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenTheGrey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
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My grandmother was so kind to give me this granola bar
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATMiceli
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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What is the Italian word for grandmother?

Grandma-ma-mia

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
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My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man's heart was through his stomach,

which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ubadishnard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
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What do australian teens say, when they miss a call from their grandmother?

Oh shit, my boomerang!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soft_Chicken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
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Did you hear about the young frog whose grandmother was from Warsaw?

He was a tad Pole.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
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Big shoutout to my great grandmother!

She can't hear me otherwise.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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I had to call an ambulance for my grandmother today

It came with the siren blaring β€œmee maw..mee maw..mee maw.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/midget_messiah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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My grandmother was killed when she was hit by a tractor.

Yep, grandma got run over by a John Deere.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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I was looking for a new grandmother, . . .

But the Margret prices are too high right now.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr-fuhrer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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A young woman was rummaging through her grandmother’s belongings, and she came across a mysterious lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, Rick Astley appeared before her and said, β€œI will give you three wishes.”

A young woman was rummaging through her grandmother’s belongings, and she came across a mysterious lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, Rick Astley appeared before her and said, β€œI will give you three wishes.”

She thought for a moment and said, β€œFor my first wish I would like to end world hunger.” β€œAn admirable request. Consider it granted!” Rick said.

β€œFor my second wish, I would like world peace.” β€œAh, this is a very difficult request, but it has been done. And for your final request?”

She thought for a moment and decided to make this a selfish wish. β€œAs a movie buff, I would like a copy of every movie in the world in my own private collection.” The genie a bit taken back . . . . paused and said, β€œThis I cannot do . . .” β€œWhy!?” The women exclaimed. β€œ You can fix world hunger and end all wars, but you cannot complete this simple task?!” The Genie looked away and said, β€œI can, but your collection will not be complete . . . you see . . . I’m never gunna give you Up!”

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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My grandmother is over 80 and she still doesn't need glasses…

Drinks straight from the bottle, she does!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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I asked my kids if they liked my grandmother.

They said she's a great grandmother.

πŸ‘︎ 641
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neptunejupit3r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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My grandmother led a great life so we made sure to cremate her

Because she urned it

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jelsen
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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I asked my grandmother how she is enjoying her new stair lift.

She said, β€œIt’s driving me up the wall!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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I will always remember the last thing my grandmother said to me before she kicked the bucket.

She said β€˜look how far I can kick this bucket’.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jovis18
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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My dad at my Grandmother's Funeral

My grandmother was cremated and we were having a service to pay our respects. I was scared and didn't want to go up to the altar alone so my dad went with me.

We stood there, side by side, and stared in reverent silence at the small simple wooden box which was holding my grandmother's ashes. After a minute or so passed my father bowed slightly, leaning in with what I assumed would be words of wisdom and said, "your grandmother was a lot smaller than I remember."

I had to fight just not to bust out laughing in a room full of mourners.

I was told to cross post this here from an askreddit thread yesterday

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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I’ll remember my grandmother’s favourite phrase: β€œLosing a husband is hard....”

β€œ..In my case, it was almost impossible.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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My grandmother wanted to get breast implants.

My grandfather said "Hell no, that's like putting a chandelier inside a haunted house."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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So my dad and I were moving a bedroom set for my grandmother as she was moving into an assisted living home. There was this heavy dresser and my dad said β€œLet’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said

There was this heavy dresser and my dad said β€œLet’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said β€œId rather lift it”

He gave me a funny look and sighed. My brother in law laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nakedurlrobot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Meet my Grandmother who has 3 girlfriends

We call her Poly Ester

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vampirecookie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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I think my grandmother was inspired by the Chinese Communist Party.

Whenever I visited, I only got to see the good china.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
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My great-grandmother always got me very thoughtful gifts for Christmas.

My so-so grandmother got me socks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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My hippie grandmother has finally come up with a name for her bakery.

Flour power.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsthearistocrat
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
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My grandmother, a very devout member of the Spiritualist church, used to communicate with departed spirits at her congregation. Unfortunately, she passed away last week. By all accounts, it was a peaceful death.

Perhaps she'll be able to tell me herself at the funeral

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boganic-alcoholic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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My grandmother recently passed away

We had a large gathering of family and friends. Everyone paid their respects, we all shared memories and stories

It was a good mourning

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thorazine222
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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I have my Grandmother on speed dial

That's what I call instagram

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πŸ‘€︎ u/countrykev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2016
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My grandmother went to the doctor and found out she has a tumor but still went to bingo right after.

It was B9, after all

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yvonnescence
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
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My grandmother with dementia said this completely seriously and I died laughing.

So I'm poring my grandma a bowl of cereal, I spilt some on the floor, when I moved to pick it up I stepped on a bunch of it. My grandma looks me straight in the eyes and says "look now you're a cereal killer"

I started dieing laughing, she didn't get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnjoiMe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2016
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What did Ira Glass say to his dying grandmother...

Stayyyyy with-us.

( first post , father of twins , original joke )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TigerStyleRawr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2017
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My grandmother was a soldier in the second world War.

She was a real Gramma nazi!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kovehshteeble
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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My grandmother recently lost a finger in a table saw accident

While visiting our house she was trying to reach something on a tall shelf. My dad helps by saying, "I would give you a hand, but it looks like you only need a finger."

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2017
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Which system of government had the biggest problem of people always questioning their grandmothers?

The Weimar Republic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diego_godean
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
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Dad Joked My Grandmother's Funeral

Me: Will anyone be at the funeral home to help us set up?

Mom: No one this early.

Dad: Grandma will be there... but I don't think she will be much help!

That was a good laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Max_Rivers
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2014
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I used to go over to my grandmother's house in the middle of the night and drink earl grey with her. It was our ritual. I called this evening out of habit, forgetting she had passed away, and her ghost answered.

I guess you could call it a boo-tea call.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NWmba
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
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My grandmother has many religious statues, crosses, and cats in her house.

No doubt she's a Cat-holic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/23farendheight
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2017
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What is the grandmother from New Orleans favorite food?

Gran-nola bars

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obi1DidntHave2Die
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2017
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First Dad Joke. - I got my 92 year old Grandmother at the nursing home with this one.

My wife and I brought our new daughter to meet my grandmother who lives in a nursing home in another state. This nursing home has a cat and two dogs that also reside there. I only saw one of the dogs, but my grandmother told me that the other one has no tail. I asked "why not?" she said "It's mother bit the tail off." - I said "What a bitch!" It took a moment, then she said. "She IS a bitch." - We both laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/libertydan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2016
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The retirement center where my elderly grandmother lives has an annual 4th-of-July ball for the residents.

We call it "In Depends Dance Day."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoGators2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
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I was at my grandmother's house, she was in the local paper recently

She was insisting she looked aweful in the photograph, "I can't take a good photo!" She said

My father looked up, "It wasn't you that took it, someone else did!"

He chuckled away to himself while my grandmother explained the joke to my aunt

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2016
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My Grandmother Currently has Laryngitis.

She's become a hoarse whisperer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2013
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Walk into a restaurant with my family and Grandmother asks, "Do you serve crab cakes?"

My dad jumps in and says, "Sit right down ma'am - we serve everyone!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnideOctopus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
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I got my grandmother on the topic of Chinese destiny.

My grandmother was getting rid of a box of books, one of which was titled "I Ching." I asked her how to pronounce that word (like e-ching) after which she asked if I knew about it at all. I then responded with "No, but I am I Ching to hear about it!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakesOfMilk
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2015
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Got my grandmother today in the car

So I'm driving my grandmother around so she can go Christmas shopping. Her: I wish I had a date for New Years Eve. Me: You do, December 31st! It took her a few minutes for her to actually realize what I said.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poop-Bandit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2014
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The trifecta: My grandmother is a Dad who enjoys bathroom humor

(Talking about the differences between generations)

Grandma: What generation am I in then?

Me: I don't know, the old fart generation?

Grandma: Well, sometimes I make new farts too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ObserveWithHasty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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I don't know if my grandmother got me or herself.

(Showing her the cookbook I made my fiance. Her camera was not on)

"Here is the cookbook I made for mrs. Peabo721 to be"

"Wow Peabo721, that looks awesome!"

"Why thank you grandma"

"You are welcome! This is my favorite dessert cookbook"

"I can't see you right now grandma"

"I know, I'm holding a cookbook in front of me. long pause Nevermind"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peabo721
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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My grandmother just told me this story; I must have been born a dad.

So I'm driving back from the store with my Grandma just now, and she tells me about this time when we were driving around when I was, in her words, "just a tiny little shit."

Young Me: hey! Look at those geese!

Grandma: Why do you think one side of the V is longer than the other one?

Me: More geese.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boschkaa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
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My grandmother brought my metalhead dad and I to explore some cemeteries

There were about 5 or 6 cemeteries we went to.

Dad: "so you think after today we've experienced..."

Dad: ...

Dad: "...megadeth"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickarli1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
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My grandmother and I get it.

Sitting in the kitchen talking about oysters for Christmas Eve dinner and mother is rolling dough for christmas cookies.

Mom: Man, oysters are really expensive. Me: I bet those oysters are gonna cost you a few clams (Granda sees mom struggling with dough) Grandma: You're sure gonna have some mussels by the time you're done with that dough

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoundtheBrolarm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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Went to see my grandmother post-surgery

"How do you feel, grandma?"

rubs fingers together

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/d1woodbury
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2014
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My brother just dad joked our grandmother right now.

Grandma: "ΒΏDe dΓ³nde vienes?" (Where do you come from?) My brother: "Pues, de mi 'ama." (Well, from my mom.)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slutallitits
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2014
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I asked my kids if they liked my grandmother..

They said she was a great grandmother

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datboifritz113
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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