Do you know what my grandmother's zodiac is?

cancer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whotachmaspaget
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
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My Grandmother invented Nair...

She's Amelia Nair.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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What do you call a grandmother sheep?

Banana

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peytonmi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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My grandmother called.

A Boomerang

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/general_zirx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Man: You buried my grandmother in the wrong plot!

Cemetery groundskeeper: I guess you can say I’ve made a grave mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.

She's 97 now and we don't know where in the world she is!

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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How tall is the world's smallest grandmother ?

One nannameter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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I just went to go visit my late grandmother buried in the cemetery, but when I went there I found her dancing!

It was quite the Plot Twist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickycthatsme
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.

She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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What do you call a pirate's grandmother?

Grammar

I'll be going now...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaoscontrol71
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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Indian Grandmothers make great bakers

I love naan bread

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eormada
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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My friend was telling me the other day that their nan's mum is still alive. She asked me "Do you have a great grandmother?"

I said "Eh, she's alright I guess."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slatersays22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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My grandmother bought some curved yellow fruit and a French pineapple.

Now nana has a banana and an ananas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepWouldBeNice
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Grandmothers are like websites

They keep telling you to accept their cookies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow__987
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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My grandmother is getting cremated in Kentucky.

Not sure if I should get original or extra crispy.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meltingXsnowman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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I've been to visit my grandmother's grave three times this week and each time someone has mysteriously covered it in gravy granules.

The plot thickens.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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My wife was worried that she was going to get fat, just because her sisters are fat, her mom is fat and her grandmother was fat. So I bought her a Peloton.

She broke the bicycle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomedjman001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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My grandmother was so kind to give me this granola bar
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATMiceli
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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Grandmother's hair sweater.

My mother just told me she was sending me a sweater made of my grandmother's hair. As if that isn't bothersome enough, she's also sending me the tool used to make it. Evidently, she expects my wife to make one as well, keeping with tradition.

"Mom," I said, "This is so awful. Please don't send me that stuff."

"But Ben," she says, "It's a family hair loom."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenTheGrey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man's heart was through his stomach,

which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ubadishnard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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What do australian teens say, when they miss a call from their grandmother?

Oh shit, my boomerang!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soft_Chicken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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What is the Italian word for grandmother?

Grandma-ma-mia

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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Big shoutout to my great grandmother!

She can't hear me otherwise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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Did you hear about the young frog whose grandmother was from Warsaw?

He was a tad Pole.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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I had to call an ambulance for my grandmother today

It came with the siren blaring β€œmee maw..mee maw..mee maw.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midget_messiah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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My grandmother was killed when she was hit by a tractor.

Yep, grandma got run over by a John Deere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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I was looking for a new grandmother, . . .

But the Margret prices are too high right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr-fuhrer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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My grandmother is over 80 and she still doesn't need glasses…

Drinks straight from the bottle, she does!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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My dad at my Grandmother's Funeral

My grandmother was cremated and we were having a service to pay our respects. I was scared and didn't want to go up to the altar alone so my dad went with me.

We stood there, side by side, and stared in reverent silence at the small simple wooden box which was holding my grandmother's ashes. After a minute or so passed my father bowed slightly, leaning in with what I assumed would be words of wisdom and said, "your grandmother was a lot smaller than I remember."

I had to fight just not to bust out laughing in a room full of mourners.

I was told to cross post this here from an askreddit thread yesterday

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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My grandmother led a great life so we made sure to cremate her

Because she urned it

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jelsen
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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I asked my grandmother how she is enjoying her new stair lift.

She said, β€œIt’s driving me up the wall!”

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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I will always remember the last thing my grandmother said to me before she kicked the bucket.

She said β€˜look how far I can kick this bucket’.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jovis18
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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My hippie grandmother has finally come up with a name for her bakery.

Flour power.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsthearistocrat
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
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I’ll remember my grandmother’s favourite phrase: β€œLosing a husband is hard....”

β€œ..In my case, it was almost impossible.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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I think my grandmother was inspired by the Chinese Communist Party.

Whenever I visited, I only got to see the good china.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
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My grandmother wanted to get breast implants.

My grandfather said "Hell no, that's like putting a chandelier inside a haunted house."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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Meet my Grandmother who has 3 girlfriends

We call her Poly Ester

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vampirecookie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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So my dad and I were moving a bedroom set for my grandmother as she was moving into an assisted living home. There was this heavy dresser and my dad said β€œLet’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said

There was this heavy dresser and my dad said β€œLet’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said β€œId rather lift it”

He gave me a funny look and sighed. My brother in law laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nakedurlrobot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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My great-grandmother always got me very thoughtful gifts for Christmas.

My so-so grandmother got me socks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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My grandmother, a very devout member of the Spiritualist church, used to communicate with departed spirits at her congregation. Unfortunately, she passed away last week. By all accounts, it was a peaceful death.

Perhaps she'll be able to tell me herself at the funeral

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boganic-alcoholic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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My grandmother recently passed away

We had a large gathering of family and friends. Everyone paid their respects, we all shared memories and stories

It was a good mourning

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thorazine222
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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I have my Grandmother on speed dial

That's what I call instagram

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/countrykev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2016
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My Grandmother invented Nair...

She's Amelia Nair

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
I asked my kids if they liked my grandmother.

They said she's a great grandmother.

πŸ‘︎ 636
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neptunejupit3r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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I asked my kids if they liked my grandmother..

They said she was a great grandmother

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datboifritz113
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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