Do you know what my grandmother's zodiac is?
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︎ Jan 19 2021
My Grandmother invented Nair...
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︎ Jan 12 2021
What do you call a grandmother sheep?
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︎ Dec 24 2020
My grandmother called.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Man: You buried my grandmother in the wrong plot!
Cemetery groundskeeper: I guess you can say Iβve made a grave mistake.
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︎ Oct 07 2020
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 now and we don't know where in the world she is!
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︎ Sep 20 2020
How tall is the world's smallest grandmother ?
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︎ Jul 09 2020
I just went to go visit my late grandmother buried in the cemetery, but when I went there I found her dancing!
It was quite the Plot Twist
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︎ Oct 07 2020
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited.
When she passed away I fulfilled my promise.
Sheβs dead and berried.
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︎ Feb 02 2020
What do you call a pirate's grandmother?
Grammar
I'll be going now...
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︎ Sep 14 2020
Indian Grandmothers make great bakers
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︎ Sep 29 2020
My friend was telling me the other day that their nan's mum is still alive. She asked me "Do you have a great grandmother?"
I said "Eh, she's alright I guess."
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︎ Sep 22 2020
My grandmother bought some curved yellow fruit and a French pineapple.
Now nana has a banana and an ananas.
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︎ Jul 05 2020
Grandmothers are like websites
They keep telling you to accept their cookies.
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︎ Aug 03 2020
My grandmother is getting cremated in Kentucky.
Not sure if I should get original or extra crispy.
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︎ Jul 23 2020
I've been to visit my grandmother's grave three times this week and each time someone has mysteriously covered it in gravy granules.
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︎ Jun 15 2020
My wife was worried that she was going to get fat, just because her sisters are fat, her mom is fat and her grandmother was fat. So I bought her a Peloton.
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︎ Jul 08 2020
My grandmother was so kind to give me this granola bar
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︎ Jan 03 2020
Grandmother's hair sweater.
My mother just told me she was sending me a sweater made of my grandmother's hair. As if that isn't bothersome enough, she's also sending me the tool used to make it. Evidently, she expects my wife to make one as well, keeping with tradition.
"Mom," I said, "This is so awful. Please don't send me that stuff."
"But Ben," she says, "It's a family hair loom."
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︎ Apr 17 2020
My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man's heart was through his stomach,
which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.
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︎ Jan 27 2020
What do australian teens say, when they miss a call from their grandmother?
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︎ Jan 16 2020
What is the Italian word for grandmother?
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︎ Mar 12 2020
Big shoutout to my great grandmother!
She can't hear me otherwise.
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︎ Dec 19 2019
Did you hear about the young frog whose grandmother was from Warsaw?
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︎ Jan 21 2020
I had to call an ambulance for my grandmother today
It came with the siren blaring βmee maw..mee maw..mee maw.β
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︎ Dec 27 2019
My grandmother was killed when she was hit by a tractor.
Yep, grandma got run over by a John Deere.
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︎ Dec 11 2019
I was looking for a new grandmother, . . .
But the Margret prices are too high right now.
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︎ Nov 30 2019
My grandmother is over 80 and she still doesn't need glassesβ¦
Drinks straight from the bottle, she does!
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︎ Oct 22 2019
My dad at my Grandmother's Funeral
My grandmother was cremated and we were having a service to pay our respects. I was scared and didn't want to go up to the altar alone so my dad went with me.
We stood there, side by side, and stared in reverent silence at the small simple wooden box which was holding my grandmother's ashes. After a minute or so passed my father bowed slightly, leaning in with what I assumed would be words of wisdom and said, "your grandmother was a lot smaller than I remember."
I had to fight just not to bust out laughing in a room full of mourners.
I was told to cross post this here from an askreddit thread yesterday
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︎ Apr 24 2014
My grandmother led a great life so we made sure to cremate her
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︎ May 14 2019
I asked my grandmother how she is enjoying her new stair lift.
She said, βItβs driving me up the wall!β
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︎ Feb 27 2019
I will always remember the last thing my grandmother said to me before she kicked the bucket.
She said βlook how far I can kick this bucketβ.
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︎ Mar 23 2019
My hippie grandmother has finally come up with a name for her bakery.
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︎ May 14 2018
Iβll remember my grandmotherβs favourite phrase: βLosing a husband is hard....β
β..In my case, it was almost impossible.β
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︎ Mar 29 2019
I think my grandmother was inspired by the Chinese Communist Party.
Whenever I visited, I only got to see the good china.
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︎ Oct 07 2018
My grandmother wanted to get breast implants.
My grandfather said "Hell no, that's like putting a chandelier inside a haunted house."
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︎ Mar 04 2019
Meet my Grandmother who has 3 girlfriends
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︎ Dec 27 2018
So my dad and I were moving a bedroom set for my grandmother as she was moving into an assisted living home. There was this heavy dresser and my dad said βLetβs tackle this now rather than laterβ I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said
There was this heavy dresser and my dad said βLetβs tackle this now rather than laterβ I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said βId rather lift itβ
He gave me a funny look and sighed. My brother in law laughed.
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︎ Feb 10 2019
My great-grandmother always got me very thoughtful gifts for Christmas.
My so-so grandmother got me socks.
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︎ Dec 14 2018
My grandmother, a very devout member of the Spiritualist church, used to communicate with departed spirits at her congregation. Unfortunately, she passed away last week. By all accounts, it was a peaceful death.
Perhaps she'll be able to tell me herself at the funeral
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︎ Dec 07 2018
My grandmother recently passed away
We had a large gathering of family and friends. Everyone paid their respects, we all shared memories and stories
It was a good mourning
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︎ Nov 08 2018
I have my Grandmother on speed dial
That's what I call instagram
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︎ Dec 26 2016
My Grandmother invented Nair...
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︎ Jan 12 2021
I asked my kids if they liked my grandmother.
They said she's a great grandmother.
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︎ Aug 24 2018
I asked my kids if they liked my grandmother..
They said she was a great grandmother
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︎ Mar 10 2019
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