I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.
When I was 15 my parents told me I was adopted.
And that I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” after a swear word...
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
An Italian man loses his hands from bike accident. What did his parents ask the doctor?
“Will my son able to speak again?”
The inventors of the first successful aeroplane's parents were Asian
I guess two Wongs do make a Wright.
Those parents must be nuts
Do unfit parents have to exercise a lot to get their children back?
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
Learn from your parents mistakes....
I've always had a difficult relationship with my parents.
When I was first born, I didn't speak to them for 2 years.
When I was a kid, my parents used to make me walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.
You know you've failed as a parent....
....when you let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the table, infront of her kids.
How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark’s parents?
As a child, I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents didn't allow it.
They said the sky is the limit.
Why does a baseball bat have no parents?
Because it's just a Bat, man!
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
Why did the melons run away and get married instead of have a big church wedding like their parents wanted?
Because they could elope.
I called my parents and told them not to worry, but I'm in the hospital.
They told me "You're the doctor and this wasn't funny the first time".
Whom does Asian parents love more than A honorable child ?
why do children have trouble looking at their parents after a gender change?
Because parents become Trans-parent
Having one child makes you a parent...
Having two you are a referee
I was at my parents house over the weekend. As a joke, I swapped all the labels around on their herbs and spices.
They haven’t noticed yet... but the thyme is cumin.
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
Having gay parents must be horrible
You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."
Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.
Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.
Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."
Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)
I crack bad jokes about having to borrow my parents old clothes because my job doesn't pay well...
What can I say? I've got my father's jeans.
I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.
Now I’ll never hear the end of it.
How do astronaut parents soothe their baby to sleep?
What was the first thing Sinatra said to his parents when he was born?
The parents that started the wildfire with their gender reveal party announced what they will name their baby.
I often wish I'd been adopted by gay parents.
So I could have twice as many dad jokes.
I need to move out of my parent's house
Their wifi password is " our40yrsoldbaby", i mean come on I'm 45.
How do you know Rin Tin Tin's parents were Chinese?
Because they were Ma 'n' Da Rin.
A girl potato told her parents she was marrying Tom Brokaw, but they forbid it because...
He was just a common-tater.
When I was little my parents always have me alphabet soup claiming that I liked it but they were just...
...putting words in my mouth
I feel bad for children of gay parents
They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of “ask your mother”.
It was around Christmas and I had bought gifts for everyone except my parents.
I had no idea what to get them. But after a long brainstorming I finally decided to get the a new fridge.
It's was actually so satisfying to see their faces lit up as they opened it.
I went to my parents house for dinner and when I walked through the front door my mom asks,"Are you hungry?"
So I told Her,"No.I'm half German and half Irish."
For years, my parents sent me to a child psychologist
That kid didn’t help me at all.
How does a baker with siblings for parents describe his occupation?
Little known fact: Bruce Wayne's parents owned a baseball team.
It's true, before he was the batman, Bruce was the bat boy!
Martha had always listened to her parents when they said ‘stay away from fire’, but today, her interests got the best of her and she intentionally lit herself on fire just to see what it felt like.
Martha was burning with curiosity
Why were margarine's parents disappointed in her?
They had raised her butter.
I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...
When I was 15, my parents told me that I was adopted....
......And I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word.
I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French
Having a child makes you a parent.
Having two, makes you a referee.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” after a swear word...
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
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