What did aunt Jemima say when she ran out of pancakes?

Oh how waffle

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MRPOOPYBH69
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 21
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Who is the penguins favourite aunt?

Aunt Arctica

๐Ÿ‘︎ 44
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AJ-Naka-Zayn-Owens
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 05
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How did spiderman know it wasn't his Aunt May in front of his house?

There was an Ock at the door!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 14
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Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...

Deodorant?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CommenceAwesomeness
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 18
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What do you call your aunt in the shower?

Deodor-Aunt.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Vipertho
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 28
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My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.

Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 47
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hellomynameispants
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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My aunt's astrological sign was cancer, funny to consider how she died

She was killed by a giant crab

๐Ÿ‘︎ 200
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xxbiggeorge69xx
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 21 2019
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My aunt always put a wad of Copenhagen between her cheek and gun before swimming...

She liked taking a dip.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04
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I really loved my Aunt Endre, so I decided to clone her.

That way I would have double Aunt Endres.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 35
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sadam_Houssodomiser
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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My aunt has been inviting several unmarried female friends over to study the Bible and pray a few times a week.

I told her not to make it a habit.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/huuhhhh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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My aunt says that men should eat less.

What a faminest.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Irontiger2014
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My aunt makes female deer meat tender by putting it on the floor and saying her prayers.

It's gives her peace of mind to kneed the doe.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Carpenter ants or aunts?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 38
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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Penn's mother's sister had a pie shop. The menu was simply called "The pie rates of Penn's aunt."
๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ro_Yo_Mi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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What did Aunt Beru have to remind Luke at dinner?

Use your fork, Luke!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/stubob
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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My very religious Aunt attends mass daily.

She says that's because missing church for seven days makes one weak!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/badpunforyoursmile
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes

Dad: Son, where's my glass eye

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Wyrdrink
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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My aunt is having twins. Dad thinks she should name the girl Denise.

And the boy Denephew

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/titsucker99
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 02 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Andy's aunt on The Andy Griffith Show got poison ivy on her arm and all she did was complain...

She was Bee-itchy!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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Dad is very welcoming of aunt's new boyfriend

So we were having a big family video call last night, since we're all on different continents, and my aunt was introducing us to her new boyfriend, Bill.

> Cousin: So when is Bill gonna come visit us, so we can meet him in person? > > Aunt: Oh, I don't know, Bill doesn't really fly (he's afraid of flying) > > Dad: He doesn't have to, the plane does. > > Long distance family groan

๐Ÿ‘︎ 787
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/llirving
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Just had this exchange with my aunt

Going on a small excursion tomorrow and my brother asked to go with. Texted my aunt to tell her he wanted to be a girl scout cookie tomorrow and tag along. Her response.... Smore the marrier.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rotinaj31
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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What do elephants call their aunts and uncles?

Relephants

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tallpapab
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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So my pregnant aunt began to have contractions...

My dad: Can't she hold it in? It's Independence Day not Labor Day!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/legoalpha321
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
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I used to have an aunt who played the mouth organ.

It was our Monica!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Willfreckles
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I have two great Aunts

And one okay one

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JDilla22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My uncle, aunt, dad and I were in the car talking about our house back home

My dad: "We have some hydrangeas, except the deer ate them down to one inch." My uncle: "So I guess they're low-drangeas now." I chuckled, but my aunt sighed heavily.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 215
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fantasiaflyer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 03 2015
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Your 50 year old aunt just got herself a couple of cats.

I guess it's the onset of many paws.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kellzone
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Who is the Penguin's favorite Aunt?

Aunt Arctica

๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/buckeyespud
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
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Our aunt made a religiously-themed painting. After looking at it, my brother told me we're going to hell.

"We have seen the Aunty Christ."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/desireewhitehall
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
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My twin brother at my mom's aunt's funeral

A few months ago, my mothers aunt had died so we went to her funeral. Before the funeral mass had started, my mom told my brother and me to go up and say hello to Aunt Beth (the woman who had died). A few minutes later, my mom comes up and asks both of us "Did you go up to Aunt Beth and say hi" to which my brother replied "Yeah, but she was a real jerk. She just laid there and didn't say anything"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 195
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DickButtButt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
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My aunt ran an aerial yoga studio for 30 years, then shut it down.

The next tenant tried to run a KFC but it didn't do very well because it was built on an ancient Indian aerial grounds.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ZigguratOfUr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why did my crazy Aunt jump into the river in Paris?

I don't know if she's insane, but she's in Seine!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Tysciha
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 02 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Some people think puns are derivative, my Aunt & I take them pretty series-ously

95% of conversations between me & my aunt turn into pun wars.

Enjoy!

https://i.imgur.com/aGooknb.jpg

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/blissando
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My aunt was talking about baby names

I was talking to my aunt who was pregnant and she was thinking of potential names: Aunt: I've narrowed it down to Winifred for a girl or Conwyn for a boy. Me: I guess it will be a win win situation either way

Neither name was picked

๐Ÿ‘︎ 51
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/andrewvilla09
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
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My uncle had a headache and asked my aunt for a Tylenol

She told him she doesn't have any but she's got Aleve.

I piped up and asked "well where you going?"

In the room full of about fifteen people, I got a big mix of groans and genuine laughs

๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JonSnuhhh
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 21 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Southerners pronounce Aunt "Aint"

We were over at my dad's sister's house (We'll call her Sophie) My dad asked us (My sister and I): "Do you know whose house are we at?" My sister: "Aint Sophie's" Dad: "Well then whose is it?"

Me: Facepalm with slight chuckle

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Venkerman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 20 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My aunt taught me to do religious scenes in needlepoint when i was young.

they were all cross-stitched

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kneescotts
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My grandpa's comeback when my aunt complained about having a bug in her drink

"It's okay, he didn't drink much!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RichardBehiel
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I showed up over dressed to a family member's party and my aunt spilled sweet tea all over my dress shirt. She solved my clothing problem

Aunt Jay: I'm so sorry I ruined your nice shirt!

Me: You didn't ruin it, you turned it into a tea-shirt for me!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HeroHurtya
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 12 2014
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Phone call from my aunt.

So my mom had emergency surgery for an ovarian cyst this week. She's home since, and people are calling just to see how she is.

The day after the surgery, my mom is still weak and can't walk very well. The phone rings, so I pick it up for her, it's my aunt. After the usual "Hi, how are yous," she says to me, "So, how's her cyst-a?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BlueBackedRobin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 02 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My Aunt and Uncle - brand new parents - came to visit me today..

They hadn't seen me in a while so they were asking about my life..
Aunt: So how's your relationship life going? Are you seeing anyone?
Me: No.. Not anymore
Uncle: You should really get your eyes checked then! There are three of us here!
(including their beautiful daughter)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cascatherine
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 26 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Aunt and Dad hit us with the 1, 2 punch

My aunt texted my mom "did you hear about the kidnapping at school?" And my mom was talking to us wondering which school my aunt was referring to. Then my aunt responds:

"It's okay, he woke up."

Noooooo. My mom tells my dad what my aunt said and pointed at my mom's foot and then his leg and said "Corn knee."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yessadobbyisfree
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 30 2015
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My aunt is now an honorary dad.

This just happened. My cousin was talking about a girl in her class who decided not to walk during their graduation. My aunt asked her what the girl's name was. When my cousin said "her name is Eileen or something" my aunt replied with "Oh, the girl with one leg?" She got a lot of groans.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/deck-neep
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2015
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This one comes from my aunt's dad...

My aunt's bathroom is shaped like a hallway, long and narrow. I found out when she moved into her house, her dad told her she should repaint the bathroom with silver paint. When she asked him why, he said, "Well then you could call it the Long John Silver."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DaRatmastah
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Telling my aunt about bacon I made and had with friends

Her: "Did you guys smoke it?"

My Dad (who was in the room): "No, they ate it."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cheeseable
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My aunt once asked my uncle to turn on the light

His response:

"Hey baby, how's it going? You look sexy tonight. Positively stunning! Oh yeah babyโ€ฆ"

From then on she asked him to flip the light switch on or offโ€ฆ

Now she just doesn't ask him.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jbh007
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I dadjoked my aunt pretty hard

We were about to take the dog for a walk when I asked if I could just use the restroom before we left.

She said "Sure, I'll just go get some poo bags", to which I replied "No that's alright, I think the toilet will do just fine"

Se was confused for about two seconds before she finally groaned.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lisdenso
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 03 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Told a Dad joke to answer my aunt's question

We were camping and setting up a tent thing to cover our food.

her: i wonder which way the rain will fall (meaning which side it'll hit)

me: ...uhh down?

her: ...wow

mom: go ahead and slap him

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tajacama
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 20 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Aunt killer

My jeep has quite the ant problem so I got some Terro Ant killer. My girlfriend asked if it actually was actually going to work since she is tired of getting bitten. I said "It doest't work to well on uncles but the ants will definitely be gone." She was not amused as always.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/reddwood
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dad let this one go in front of my religious aunt. Needless to say, we we're uninvited to Easter dinner.

Did you hear, Jesus and a couple of 2x4s walked into a bar. They got hammered together.

I don't know what her problem was, I think dad nailed it.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/barthm1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 18 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dadjoked by my aunt (who is my dad's sister, runs in the family)

Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Aunt Kim: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!

Spent Spring Break with them, this was all I heard. :)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Altessa
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 17 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
While staying with my great aunt and uncle

So as my great aunt and uncle are showing me and my girlfriend around their neighbourhood.

"and to the right, we have the dead centre of Croydon" as we pass a crematorium. He's a great dad

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kippos21
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad recently became a grandpa, and I became aunt. I'm glad dad jokes never 'bug' me.

http://imgur.com/6kIrWp5

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/blue_effect
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 03 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad told me this at my aunt's funeral to boost my spirits.

What did one casket say to the other casket?

Is that you coffin?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WiBorg
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dad-joked my aunt

My aunt sent a mass-text this morning to the family, but misspelled a key part of her message.

http://i.imgur.com/M23qKgy.jpg

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/butteredtoast69
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad got his aunt at thanksgiving yesterday.

They were sitting next to each other at the dinner table.

His Aunt: Hey, can you reach that butter for me?

Dad: reaches over and touches butter Yes I can!^ha^ha^ha^ha

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Visiting my grandparents when my aunt arrives...

My dad to his sister "Did you hear about the two antenna that got married?" "no." "Oh, the wedding was alright, but the reception was great!"

My aunt and I lost it. The rest of the room filled with groaning.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/landlubber12
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad decided to spruce up a jar of my great aunt's homemade pickles

http://imgur.com/qusMgtD She makes apple sauce too so I think that's what got him to make the association. This wasn't the only victim of his use of the free stickers that come with everyone's iPhones, though.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ChriSe7en
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Just heard this gem from my dad talking about my aunts new cat.

Dad: I see you guys got a new cat.

Cousin: yeah her name is allie.

Dad: is her last name cat?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MusicMan69854
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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