I guess it’s true... a penny urned is a penny saved.
And Bob’s your uncle!
There was an Ock at the door!
She was killed by a giant crab
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
That way I would have double Aunt Endres.
What a faminest.
She liked taking a dip.
I told her not to make it a habit.
It's gives her peace of mind to kneed the doe.
Use your fork, Luke!
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye
She says that's because missing church for seven days makes one weak!
And the boy Denephew
So we were having a big family video call last night, since we're all on different continents, and my aunt was introducing us to her new boyfriend, Bill.
> Cousin: So when is Bill gonna come visit us, so we can meet him in person? > > Aunt: Oh, I don't know, Bill doesn't really fly (he's afraid of flying) > > Dad: He doesn't have to, the plane does. > > Long distance family groan
My dad: Can't she hold it in? It's Independence Day not Labor Day!
She was Bee-itchy!
Going on a small excursion tomorrow and my brother asked to go with. Texted my aunt to tell her he wanted to be a girl scout cookie tomorrow and tag along. Her response.... Smore the marrier.
It was our Monica!
My dad: "We have some hydrangeas, except the deer ate them down to one inch." My uncle: "So I guess they're low-drangeas now." I chuckled, but my aunt sighed heavily.
A few months ago, my mothers aunt had died so we went to her funeral. Before the funeral mass had started, my mom told my brother and me to go up and say hello to Aunt Beth (the woman who had died). A few minutes later, my mom comes up and asks both of us "Did you go up to Aunt Beth and say hi" to which my brother replied "Yeah, but she was a real jerk. She just laid there and didn't say anything"
I guess it's the onset of many paws.
The next tenant tried to run a KFC but it didn't do very well because it was built on an ancient Indian aerial grounds.
But I ended up bored on the sofa while my aunt and uncle had sex! It was a bit of an aunticlimax...
"We have seen the Aunty Christ."
I don't know if she's insane, but she's in Seine!
95% of conversations between me & my aunt turn into pun wars.
I was talking to my aunt who was pregnant and she was thinking of potential names: Aunt: I've narrowed it down to Winifred for a girl or Conwyn for a boy. Me: I guess it will be a win win situation either way
Neither name was picked
We were over at my dad's sister's house (We'll call her Sophie) My dad asked us (My sister and I): "Do you know whose house are we at?" My sister: "Aint Sophie's" Dad: "Well then whose is it?"
Me: Facepalm with slight chuckle
She told him she doesn't have any but she's got Aleve.
I piped up and asked "well where you going?"
In the room full of about fifteen people, I got a big mix of groans and genuine laughs
they were all cross-stitched
"It's okay, he didn't drink much!"
Aunt Jay: I'm so sorry I ruined your nice shirt!
Me: You didn't ruin it, you turned it into a tea-shirt for me!
So my mom had emergency surgery for an ovarian cyst this week. She's home since, and people are calling just to see how she is.
The day after the surgery, my mom is still weak and can't walk very well. The phone rings, so I pick it up for her, it's my aunt. After the usual "Hi, how are yous," she says to me, "So, how's her cyst-a?"
They hadn't seen me in a while so they were asking about my life..
Aunt: So how's your relationship life going? Are you seeing anyone?
Me: No.. Not anymore
Uncle: You should really get your eyes checked then! There are three of us here!
(including their beautiful daughter)