Carpenter aunts
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thehawkplays
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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At every family wedding my Aunt keeps on asking , " Are you next , are you next ? ""

So now at every family funeral I ask , " Are you next , are you next ? "

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tryhard_cadmua
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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My aunt Marie has been keeping track of her frozen dinner purchases.

It's Marie's Marie Callender's calendar.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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My blonde aunt broke her leg raking leaves.

She fell out of the tree.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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My Uncle and Aunt Send Me Money From England Every Year On My Birthday

Now my wallet weighs 31 pounds.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allstar_WoRlD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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My Aunt Penny keeps coming back to life after her cremation

I guess it’s true... a penny urned is a penny saved.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Just wait until you aunt marries Robert,

And Bob’s your uncle!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zachpledger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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Who is the penguins favourite aunt?

Aunt Arctica

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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What did aunt Jemima say when she ran out of pancakes?

Oh how waffle

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MRPOOPYBH69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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My aunt's astrological sign was cancer, funny to consider how she died

She was killed by a giant crab

πŸ‘︎ 202
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxbiggeorge69xx
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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How did spiderman know it wasn't his Aunt May in front of his house?

There was an Ock at the door!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.

Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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I really loved my Aunt Endre, so I decided to clone her.

That way I would have double Aunt Endres.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...

Deodorant?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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Carpenter ants or aunts?
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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My aunt says that men should eat less.

What a faminest.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irontiger2014
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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What do you call your aunt in the shower?

Deodor-Aunt.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vipertho
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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My aunt always put a wad of Copenhagen between her cheek and gun before swimming...

She liked taking a dip.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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My aunt has been inviting several unmarried female friends over to study the Bible and pray a few times a week.

I told her not to make it a habit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/huuhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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My aunt is having twins. Dad thinks she should name the girl Denise.

And the boy Denephew

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/titsucker99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2015
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My aunt makes female deer meat tender by putting it on the floor and saying her prayers.

It's gives her peace of mind to kneed the doe.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Penn's mother's sister had a pie shop. The menu was simply called "The pie rates of Penn's aunt."
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ro_Yo_Mi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes

Dad: Son, where's my glass eye

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wyrdrink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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What did Aunt Beru have to remind Luke at dinner?

Use your fork, Luke!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stubob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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My very religious Aunt attends mass daily.

She says that's because missing church for seven days makes one weak!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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Dad is very welcoming of aunt's new boyfriend

So we were having a big family video call last night, since we're all on different continents, and my aunt was introducing us to her new boyfriend, Bill.

> Cousin: So when is Bill gonna come visit us, so we can meet him in person? > > Aunt: Oh, I don't know, Bill doesn't really fly (he's afraid of flying) > > Dad: He doesn't have to, the plane does. > > Long distance family groan

πŸ‘︎ 788
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πŸ‘€︎ u/llirving
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
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So my pregnant aunt began to have contractions...

My dad: Can't she hold it in? It's Independence Day not Labor Day!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legoalpha321
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
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What do elephants call their aunts and uncles?

Relephants

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallpapab
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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Andy's aunt on The Andy Griffith Show got poison ivy on her arm and all she did was complain...

She was Bee-itchy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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Just had this exchange with my aunt

Going on a small excursion tomorrow and my brother asked to go with. Texted my aunt to tell her he wanted to be a girl scout cookie tomorrow and tag along. Her response.... Smore the marrier.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rotinaj31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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I used to have an aunt who played the mouth organ.

It was our Monica!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Willfreckles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
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My uncle, aunt, dad and I were in the car talking about our house back home

My dad: "We have some hydrangeas, except the deer ate them down to one inch." My uncle: "So I guess they're low-drangeas now." I chuckled, but my aunt sighed heavily.

πŸ‘︎ 214
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fantasiaflyer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2015
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I have two great Aunts

And one okay one

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDilla22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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My twin brother at my mom's aunt's funeral

A few months ago, my mothers aunt had died so we went to her funeral. Before the funeral mass had started, my mom told my brother and me to go up and say hello to Aunt Beth (the woman who had died). A few minutes later, my mom comes up and asks both of us "Did you go up to Aunt Beth and say hi" to which my brother replied "Yeah, but she was a real jerk. She just laid there and didn't say anything"

πŸ‘︎ 199
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DickButtButt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
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Your 50 year old aunt just got herself a couple of cats.

I guess it's the onset of many paws.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kellzone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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My aunt ran an aerial yoga studio for 30 years, then shut it down.

The next tenant tried to run a KFC but it didn't do very well because it was built on an ancient Indian aerial grounds.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZigguratOfUr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2016
🚨︎ report
Who is the Penguin's favorite Aunt?

Aunt Arctica

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
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Our aunt made a religiously-themed painting. After looking at it, my brother told me we're going to hell.

"We have seen the Aunty Christ."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/desireewhitehall
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
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Southerners pronounce Aunt "Aint"

We were over at my dad's sister's house (We'll call her Sophie) My dad asked us (My sister and I): "Do you know whose house are we at?" My sister: "Aint Sophie's" Dad: "Well then whose is it?"

Me: Facepalm with slight chuckle

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Venkerman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2013
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My aunt was talking about baby names

I was talking to my aunt who was pregnant and she was thinking of potential names: Aunt: I've narrowed it down to Winifred for a girl or Conwyn for a boy. Me: I guess it will be a win win situation either way

Neither name was picked

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewvilla09
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
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Why did my crazy Aunt jump into the river in Paris?

I don't know if she's insane, but she's in Seine!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tysciha
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2017
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Some people think puns are derivative, my Aunt & I take them pretty series-ously

95% of conversations between me & my aunt turn into pun wars.

Enjoy!

https://i.imgur.com/aGooknb.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blissando
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
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My uncle had a headache and asked my aunt for a Tylenol

She told him she doesn't have any but she's got Aleve.

I piped up and asked "well where you going?"

In the room full of about fifteen people, I got a big mix of groans and genuine laughs

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonSnuhhh
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2016
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My grandpa's comeback when my aunt complained about having a bug in her drink

"It's okay, he didn't drink much!"

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichardBehiel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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