Great Aunt Puns

And one okay one

So as my great aunt and uncle are showing me and my girlfriend around their neighbourhood.

"and to the right, we have the dead centre of Croydon" as we pass a crematorium. He's a great dad

http://imgur.com/qusMgtD She makes apple sauce too so I think that's what got him to make the association. This wasn't the only victim of his use of the free stickers that come with everyone's iPhones, though.

Im a photographer and was telling her about an assignment to photograph a woman and her early 20th century car and that the woman would be wearing authentic era clothing for the portrait.

Me: And she'll be wearing period appropriate clothing. Girlfriend: So she'll be wearing sweatpants?

My first son was recently born 5.5 weeks early (he's doing great!)

As such, we hadn't set up a crib or nursery room yet in our apartment. Sitting around with my wife and aunt last night talking about how stressed we were bringing a new baby home to an apartment where we had no place to put him inspired the following exchange.

Wife: "It was kind of like the baby Jesus...no room at the inn kind of situation." Me: "Yeah, we ended up having to have him spend the night with our goat."

(Pause)

Me again: "I felt really bad for the kid. And our son too."

My great aunt died recently. My mom called and told me at school. I guess my aunt had fallen asleep on the couch and never woke up. She had an enlarged heart, the doctors said, and it gave out on her while she was sleeping.

I didn't really know my aunt, but my mom grew up with her. So I asked my mom if she was okay.

"Yeah I'm okay," she said. "I will miss her, but she died peacefully. She was a good woman. She had a really big heart."

We were celebrating my vegetarian uncle's birthday out at Sweet Tomatoes, which is a salad buffet restaurant. They have other things too, like pastas, breads, and soups.

My uncle settles down at his table, and loudly remarks to my aunt:

Uncle: "You know, this place is great and all..."

Her: "Yeah? What's wrong?"

Uncle: "I don't know. By the time I get all my food together from the buffet line..."

Aunt: "...what?"

Uncle: "My salad gets cold!"

Groans were heard all around.

One of the distant aunts is walking around to each table taking pictures with her iPad for the couple the reception is for. She asks:

"They would like a picture of each table" father in law chimes in... "Just the table or could I be in it too?" She laughs and holds up the iPad for the picture. Father in law sounds out "Great, now she's reading her tablet instead of taking pictures"

Classic.

My aunt went to ask my elderly, hard-of-hearing, great aunt if she was allergic to peanuts. So, she walks over and says, "Hello, Aggie. Do you have trouble with nuts?"

This is where my grandpa dad joked us all. Without missing a beat, he goes, "I don't know about her, but I sure do."

My aunt was talking about the reading she had just gotten done by a medium.. aunt: I thought the medium I went to was okay, I've had better readings before. dad: well I went to the large, I got a great reading.

My dad to his sister "Did you hear about the two antenna that got married?" "no." "Oh, the wedding was alright, but the reception was great!"

My aunt and I lost it. The rest of the room filled with groaning.

I had the day off work so I went home to visit my grandma and my great aunt who are in town. My great aunt asked if I was vegetarian. I said no, but I don't eat it too often. My grandma then said, "I tried being vegetarian and I started leaning toward the sun."

Background: We are at my great aunts house when my uncle comes in with his dog Stretch. We then return home after dinner. Me: Grandpa stretch kinda reminded me of your old dog. Grandpa: That's a stretch.