Big shoutout to my great grandmother!

She can't hear me otherwise.

👍︎ 76
📅︎ Dec 19 2019
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My grandmother led a great life so we made sure to cremate her

Because she urned it

👍︎ 34
👤︎ u/Jelsen
📅︎ May 14 2019
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My great-grandmother always got me very thoughtful gifts for Christmas.

My so-so grandmother got me socks.

👍︎ 13
📅︎ Dec 14 2018
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I asked my kids if they liked my grandmother.

They said she's a great grandmother.

👍︎ 637
📅︎ Aug 24 2018
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Clean kill

My grandfather, in his younger days, retired from his NASCAR dreams to do construction so he could raise a family. Fast forward 45 years to 1994. I was around 15. My grandfather, grandmother, her mother, and I were on the return trip from the Costco and liquor store just inside the no sales tax state of Oregon. My grandfather was, as usual, driving. He raced for Lincoln and they sponsored him so they gave him a really good lifetime discount. He drove a brand new Continental his entire life. He always raced down to Oregon as fast as he could and then tried beating his time while driving back. Suddenly, at about 140mph, a Pheasant committed suicide on the front end. We could see feathers occasionally come loose. Grandpa already had a couple minutes to make up. Needless to say, despite my grandma's insistance, stopping to investigate wasn't in the plans. When we got home, he was cussing an ill timed traffic light with a bored motorcycle cop parked on the sidewalk waiting for his target. M

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 19
📅︎ Jul 02 2018
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A punny story

So, I went to this garage sale advertised in my area, and these people lived on this hill, so I was driving really hoping that it was worth it. And OH. MY. GOD. I found the cutest coaster ever. It was a work of art, and I was so intrigued to find out that it was the last thing the owner's great grandmother had made. And so as I was heading back to my car, I tripped, and the coaster got sent flying down the hill on it's side, only breaking when it hit a tree on the way down. To ease up tensions, I chuckled a bit.

I laughed, they cried, it was a roller-coaster of emotions.

👍︎ 4
📅︎ Jan 06 2018
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Got my pregnant wife just now...

Background: My wife is pregnant with our first, and her great grandmother had over 20 single births. So we were talking about labour:

Me: Don't worry, love, you've got great genes for labour.

Her: Yeah, I know. : S

Me: But you're really going to have to take them off. They'll definitely get in the way!

👍︎ 140
👤︎ u/blindsight
📅︎ Oct 31 2015
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My 7y/o daughter Dad joked my dad.

He just back from driving my grandmother home from visiting her friend at the hospital. She's 87 in great health but does nothing but complain about anything and everything, even though she lives with family and has company all the time.

He walks back in the house and says "Wow I didn't even hear her complain once!"

My daughter made the megaphone with her hands and yelled "Can you hear me baba...did you go deaf!!"

👍︎ 27
📅︎ Apr 08 2015
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Met my girlfriend's family today

I went to visit my girlfriend's family for dinner tonight. The grandparents are there, parents, grandkids, everyone!

We're all sitting in the living room talking. I turn around and look at a picture on the wall from when the family was in Disney World. I had mentioned I have never been before and the following conversation happened :

Grandmother: What?! I thought everyone had been! We would of taken more trips but he (points to grandfather) is afraid of flying!

Grandfather: My arms get too tired!

Everyone groans and he and I bust up laughing!

He and I are going to get along great!

👍︎ 146
👤︎ u/Shiieett
📅︎ Apr 20 2014
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Dad got everyone with this at dinner

We're all eating dinner and my grandmother is over.

Gma: Cbreezy's brother, you look like you got really sunburned recently!

Bro: Yeah, I got it playing football, dad got it pretty bad too.

Dad: No, you got son-burn. I got dad-burn.

Que my overzealous laugh.

Edit: Format. Phones aren't great for posting...

👍︎ 8
👤︎ u/Cbreezy517
📅︎ Feb 29 2016
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The foot massage

Note: even though my great grandmother made this joke I feel it was dad-joke worthy.

While visiting my great grandmother (she's 96 yrs old during this time) recently she asked my dad for a foot massage, my dad happily obliged. She told him that he'd made her so proud in life to have a grandson like him and how wonderful he is while receiving the foot massage. My dad have the best massage he could muster for a good 30 minutes before he was too tired to continue. When my dad had finished massaging her feet he asked "how was that grandma?" Which she replied with "I haven't felt anything in my feet in 10 years" then she burst out laughing to the best that her health would allow. She passed away a few weeks later, she always played jokes on us even to her last days. Thanks for reading.

Rest in peace great grandma

TL:DR grandma needs new legs.

👍︎ 11
📅︎ Dec 07 2013
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Multilingual dad jokes!

My grandmother brought over a German fruit cake called Stollen (it's not that great).

Grandma: I don't know if it'll taste good this year, I didn't make it. Dad: You didn't make it? Does that mean it's... stolen?

He's made this joke three years in a row.

👍︎ 5
📅︎ Dec 25 2013
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Dad just dropped this at dinner

Mom: don't worry, I'll be a great grandmother to your children!

Me: I kn-

Dad: don't you have to be a grandmother before you're a great grandmother?

Then he just cracked up while I let my head rest on the table for a few minutes

👍︎ 3
📅︎ Dec 30 2013
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I asked my kids if they liked my grandmother..

They said she was a great grandmother

👍︎ 10
📅︎ Mar 10 2019
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