Constantine
She can't even.
That's when I realized it is pointless.
Always rolling their I's instead of their R's.
Assaulting a salty teen with saltines
My dad just told me this one- hope you guys liked it 💖
Peenagers
Because he wanted to make a skate bored!
Because they are in the noughties list.
Because they just can't even.
Because OMG they can’t even.
What are you doing up so oily?
Whoremoans
Cuz they like can’t even
Because they can't even.
He responded: None, son. I was born with two and never grew any more.
Especially when you're a teenage male.
Sticky Notes
A canteen.
But my mummy wouldn't let me.
"Your son has what we call a lazy eye," said the doctor.
"Oh dear," I answered, "it's obviously spread from the rest of his body."
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
I told her I thought it was a bug bite and she asked 'But where did I get bitten?' and I said 'On your hand.' :D She even laughed! True story!
"Wow! I didn't think you'd like rap music!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".
....First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
He asks her out, and he needs to plan, so first, he needs his tuxedo.
So he goes to the tuxedo shop, and there's a huge line of people there, so he waits for 30 minutes, then an hour, and he finally gets his tuxedo.
Then, he needs to rent a limo, to look nice and formal and everything, so he walks into the limo rental shop, and again, there's a huge line, so he waits for 30 minutes and then an hour goes by, then 2, and he finally gets his limo.
On the night of the prom, he pulls up to her house with the limo, and she gets in, and on their way to the prom building, a huge traffic jam happens! So they wait, and then 30 minutes goes by, then an hour, and they finally arrive at the building!
So they walk in, take some pictures, and dance for a bit, and after a while, the girl asks, "hey can you get us some punch?"
So the boy walks over to the punch bowl and guess what?
There's no punchline.
Because “adolescent” rhymes surprisingly well with “I don’t listen”.
And I always reply 'with your eyes, silly!'
Teenage Mutant Ninja Puns
Me: Hey, have you seen the last east episode of TMNT?
Friend: Yeah, I have! It was turtally awesome!
Me: ...Are you seriously gonna keep reusing that one, or should I expect something new? You’ve been using that one for awhile.
Friend: Oh, I’m sorry, do you want me to shell out some more puns? I’ve got a million of 'em, folks! I’ll be here all week!
Me: sighs in exasperation
We never made it.
I have no idea why he hates bees so much.
He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.
My job involves me giving presentations to large groups of teenagers. Today, I was telling them about different workshops we have on offer, including African drumming and DJ workshops.
So I said - 'I'd love to tell you a bit more about the DJ workshops, but I'd barely scratch the surface.'
Ever seen 200 teenagers groan and roll their eyes? Glorious :D
A roux teen.
I replied, "My apologies I mistook you for my daughter, have a good day Pregnant."
A sigh borg.
... But hey !! Take a look at me now.
Because they can’t even
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
Hormones
