Never again.
Plagiarism
With friends like that, who needs anemones?
Here's to a happy New year and hoping that we all see clearly in 2020!
Because I'm always Holo... cene.
Its unreal
My dad has trained me in the art of bad puns, and I have put that training to good use. I have four jokes in one post that are guaranteed to knock your socks off! (And maybe kill off a few brain cells)
Onto the jokes!
Lizards are never unprepared, they’ve been ready from the gecko!
How do aliens call each other? SpaceTime!
Student: Can I have a can of mutton? Teacher: I don’t know, can ewe?
What do musicians do when they get angry? Nothing, they keep their composer!
At that point it is fired and becomes an ex-Terminator.
Tell you what - never again!
They were selling chairs.
I said, “That sounds expensive”
“A six pack isn’t expensive”
I texted my girlfriend that I was done with her Valentine's Day Present early. She responds, "Damn, You're ahead!" Without hesitation, I answer "I have a body too!"
I hate myself. I am my father.
The circumstances for this joke were so specific I don't think it will ever be repeated.
Yesterday morning I stopped by my parent's house and my mom had just made coffee. She buys "raw unfiltered honey" from a local farmers market to sweeten the coffee. First she handed my dad his cup, then she was about to put a spoonful of honey in mine when she stopped and said "there's something in this honey!"
I looked at it and it was literally a bee's hairy little leg. I looked in the jar and found one more. I said "its no big deal, im sure its fine", then I picked out the legs. Just then my dad takes a big sip and makes an "Ahhh" sound like he's satisfied. He then holds up the cup and smiles at us like he's in a 1950's Folgers commercial and says "This coffee is the BEE'S KNEES!"
It was epic.
Sweet! What a dill!
He'd give props to all the people that helped him along the way?
Last night my dad was showing me a gift he picked up for our annual white elephant gift exchange with the family at my grandparents house. It was a large wooden Reindeer, with Christmas light and decorations painted on it, and huge, baby-like eyes. This is how the conversation went. Dad: "I don't think it's too bad. It's kind of different, but not a bad present." Me: "It was a good gift, I don't think it's bad at all. It's enDEERing!" He smiles, gives me an overdramatic groan and eye-roll, and then high-fives me. I love my dad.
Never again
Never again.
