just came across this pun thread from an eternity ago, seriously,, it was worth Peru-sing
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︎ Aug 27 2020
What do you get if your lovers soul was trapped in a sword for all eternity?
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︎ May 04 2020
I was complaining about being pregnant, saying I felt like I would be pregnant for all eternity.
To which my dad replied, "You mean all maternity?"
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︎ Oct 20 2019
After waiting in line for what felt like an eternity, I started to feel like a bad doctor.
I just kept losing my patience.
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︎ Apr 08 2019
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!
Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"
"Yes you are"
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︎ Jan 07 2019
And the Lord said unto John, โCome forth and you will receive eternal life.โ
But John came fifth - and won a toaster.
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︎ Apr 07 2021
Jesus told Peter, "Come forth and ye shall have eternal life"
But Peter came fifth and won a toaster
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Drip is eternal
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︎ Jan 13 2020
How would a socially awkward adult go about emerging from a lair of eternal loneliness?
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︎ Nov 19 2019
Never get caught behind Satan in line at the post office.
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︎ Oct 21 2020
Eternal Damnation
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︎ Jan 20 2019
Why do vampires seem sick?
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︎ Sep 02 2020
I asked my math teacher why dad jokes last forever...
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Today I learned I will assume my final form and will he becoming a dad in December.
Probably name my kid Luke so I can remind him who I am for the rest of eternity.
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︎ Apr 14 2020
Bob Hope captured in the air on film. We now know for certain that Hope springs eternal.
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︎ Sep 24 2015
What happens to hillbilly buddhists when they die?
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︎ Jul 19 2017
A man storms into a crowded bar with a loaded handgun...
Enraged, he raises the pistol into the air and shouts, "which one of you bastards had sex with my wife?!"
The bar falls silent. After what seems like an eternity, a man in the back replies:
"You don't have enough bullets!"
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︎ Jun 24 2019
What does a toeless veteran dad say to his son?
He has lack-toes intolerance.
I-I'll see myself out.
Just like the dad on his eternal quest for milk-
Sorry, I need to stop milking this joke.
Feel free to kick my dairy-ere out the door.
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︎ Apr 21 2020
Dad's joke about a socially awkward friend
talking with parents after a gathering
Mum: I feel bad for John, he's so antisocial.
Dad: Yeah, he's like an eternal flame!
Me: Eternal flame? What?
Dad: He never goes out!
Mum and I burst out laughing while dad grins proudly
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︎ Jan 10 2014
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
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︎ Jul 27 2019
I bought some cologne
It was called Eternity but I had to return because it didn't last forever.
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︎ Jan 17 2019
Jesus said unto John. Come forth and receive eternal life.
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
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︎ Aug 21 2020
And god said to John โcome forth and ye shall receive eternal life.โ
But John came in fifth and only got a toaster.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
And god said to John, come forth and receive eternal life
But he cane fifth and won a toaster
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︎ Jul 30 2020
And the Lord said unto John "come fourth and receive eternal life"
But he came fifth and won a toaster.
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︎ Jul 30 2020
...and God said "come forth and I will grant you eternal life."
But I came fifth and just got a toaster.
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︎ May 26 2020
And Jesus said "Come forth and receive eternal life."
But Peter came in fifth and won a toaster.
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︎ Jun 27 2019
And the Lord said unto John: Come forth and you will receive eternal life.
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
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︎ Dec 12 2019
God said to John " come forth and receive eternal life"
But he came fifth and won a toaster
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︎ Aug 06 2019
Jesus said "come forth and receive eternal life"
But Paul came fifth and got a toaster
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︎ Aug 22 2019
The Lord said to John: Come forth and receive eternal life.
But, John came 5th and got a toaster.
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︎ Nov 28 2019
The Lord told John to come forth and he will receive eternal life
He came fifth and got a toaster
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︎ Sep 11 2019
And god said to John come forth and receive eternal life
But he came fifth and won a toaster
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︎ Jul 30 2019
The lord told John to come forth and he shall have eternal life.
But he came in fifth and got a toaster.
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︎ Oct 01 2019
And the Lord said onto John " Come Forth and ye shall receive eternal life."
But sadly John came in fifth and only received a toaster.
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︎ Dec 09 2018
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life".
John came fifth and won a toaster.
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︎ Oct 15 2019
God said to John, "come fourth and you will receive eternal life",
John came fifth and won a toaster.
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︎ Feb 23 2019
Then God said to John "Come forth and receive eternal life"
He came fifth and won a toaster.
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︎ Jul 14 2019
God said: come fourth John and win eternal life
John came fifth and won a toaster!
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︎ Jul 20 2019
God told John come fourth and receive eternal life...
But John came fifth and got a toaster
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︎ Oct 21 2018
God said to Tom "Come fourth and receive eternal life."
Instead Tom came fifth and received a toaster
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︎ Jan 17 2019
Jesus said, come forth and I'll give you eternal life
Peter came fifth and he won a toaster.
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︎ Oct 13 2018
And God said unto John, "Come fourth and receive eternal life."
But John came fifth and ended up with a toaster.
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︎ Oct 13 2017
And the Lord said unto John; "Come forth and receive eternal life!"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
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︎ Jul 18 2017
*...and the Lord said unto John, "Go forth and you shall have eternal life."*
....but John got fifth and won a toaster.
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︎ Aug 09 2017
God said "Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life"
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
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︎ Dec 27 2016
And The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life"
...but John came in fifth and won a toaster.
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︎ Jan 16 2014
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