A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Batman Forever on Netflix.

I said, β€œNo, only for the next couple of hours.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I hope that the universe keeps on expanding forever so all the heat runs out some day. It means that eventually things are gonna be 0 K
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B_Baerbel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Wooo tang is forever.
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZachTF
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
People live forever

Or they die trying

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PreeIsAlive
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why does it take forever for pirates to learn the alphabet?

Because pirates can spend years at C.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Takes me forever to answer letters. I have a snailure to communicate.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
It's been forever since I've been on this sub

I reckon it was last year

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it it forever
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ManWithoutNoPlan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I cricked my neck a few weeks ago and it’s changed my life forever.

I haven’t looked back since

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tackit286
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my math teacher why dad jokes last forever...

His answer was p*eternal

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dleewee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Beauty and the Beast is a great story about a beast who is almost condemned to be stuck as a beast forever but gets...

saved by the Belle

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make pie last forever?

Remove the 'e'

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MakeMeADonut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets off Amazon but delivery took forever...

She says it was worth the weight.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/creativedamages
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Lisa will forever be remembered after she divorced Mark

She has left a Mark.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Nothing is forever.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/r96340
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Will you be mine forever ?
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puggzu
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend works in a bread factory. We’re gonna be struggling forever, but at least we have carbs. v.redd.it/xeiwkctcich41
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ebiki
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Finish college and forever a loan.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes will be with us forever

They're Paternal

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Romnonaldao
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
(OC) I’m graduating tomorrow, this is my cap. Forever a loan
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Forever in love with one of my favorite puns : Tea Rex
πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnappyKoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cave man who takes forever to get anywhere?

A meanderthal

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ph0enixR3born
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my friend I don’t see color. He was shocked and said,”But you’ve known me for forever and you’re saying you don’t know I’m black?” Then I said,

β€œI don’t know man, you look kinda gray to me.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ApUmKinFaCe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the old surfer do right before he disappeared forever?

Waved goodbye

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
To keep the virus away, I'm taking forever to open the door, refusing to change the temperature and only playing games in single player mode.

In other words, I'm doing everything I can to be a bad host.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
my favourite pun forever
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatbitchrose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If your girlfriend borrows your sweater forever

Did she jacket?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cornelius_M
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted to go as a streetperformer for Halloween. It took me absolutely forever to find a mime shirt...

But the pantomimes were pretty easy to pick up!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Forever Alone
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnknownRoman18
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
🚨︎ report
It took me forever to find out what β€œIDK” means

Every time I asked someone they would say β€œI don’t know”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yabopskeebop
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I think it's TIME to bring back cat memes. They're just too adorable! Fluffers forever!
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the stars who had been together forever finally decide to break up?

They needed their space.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trollcitybandit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Forever 21 declared bankruptcy.

Guess it should have been called Temporary 21...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what's longer than forever?

Five-ever.

Irony: I was told this by the lady.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LanceTheMan16
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you say to the waiter who takes forever to bring your fancy pastry?

β€œHey!! Torte us!!!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What's longer than forever?

Fivever.


Thanks for all the upvotes! This is an original, so thanks to you guys I'm quitting my job and leaving my family to pursue a career in comedy! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy234H5YDlFASQfx6mLWLg

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2015
🚨︎ report
After Ordering the Charmin Forever Roll... reddit.com/r/Nswietsmbid/…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlameKissedBacon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I went into this video shop, and the man asked if I’d like to rent Batman Forever.

I said "No, just for the night."

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thewargingned
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My kids were taking forever to finish their breakfast, so I had to quote Kanye West to them.

I said, β€œOmelette you finish.”

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad can string this joke out forever. I've seen it go for 20 minutes.

A man gets a new job at the zoo.

On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.

"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"

The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.

After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.

Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.

He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.

A pair of eyes lock with his.

It moves closer.

He knows this is it.

He begins to pray.

Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!

It leans in close.

He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth

He can smell the lion's breath

It opens it's mouth

And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.

"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."

πŸ‘︎ 656
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2013
🚨︎ report
Forever a loan
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Platypushat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
🚨︎ report
When I was little I thought when the sun went down it was gone forever

And then it dawned on me.

  • My History Teacher
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DexterLeWolf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m gonna live forever

or die trying

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm going to live forever

or die trying.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm going to live forever.

Or die trying.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drake15296
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I've decided to live forever......

Or die trying!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/denandbil
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dad joke that goes on forever?

A paternity.

πŸ‘︎ 110
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eldowns
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.