The sky looked a bit foreboding this morning, so I asked Siri "Surely it's not going to rain today?" Siri replied "It is, and don't call me Shirley."
I must have left my phone in Airplane mode.
He's surely gotten a head of himself, hasn't he? 🤔
With recent political developments, the world with surely fall into...
Kid: Surely You cant be serious
Dad: I am being serious and don't call me shirley
Surely, you can finish this joke for me...
If avocados were to have a serious recall, it would surely be the end..
It would be.. the a-guac-alypse.
Surely other Dads have dropped this zinger.
Dad: Whatcha reading?
Me: Reddit
Dad: Why you readin it if you already reddit?
And I’m sure he felt the burn too!
Sure, I drink brake fluid
I'll make sure to control my anger next time
Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
I’m not sure why people refer to women’s privates as a flower
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent
How can you be sure you want to buy a particular style of stool?
Where ever my dad is right now I'm sure he's looking down at me
He's not dead or anything, just very condescending.
My wife asked if I wanted wine with dinner. I said sure. She said, do you want a stem or stemless glass?
"Doesn't matter to me, I am bi-stemual".
Absolute silence.
I just bought a new treadmill today and I’m not sure how to process this monumental purchase.
I guess I’ll take it one step at a time.
Here’s a little early access to a pun I made. I’m not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
Two atoms walk into a bar, one says to the other “Dang, I left my electrons in the car.” The other replies, “Are you sure?”
Are you sure you know what gaslighting means?
“Can you help me with the curtains? I need to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.”
And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!
I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, “Can you describe the symptoms?” I replied, "Sure..."
“They’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”
My mother is much smaller than me. I'm not sure how tall she is...
...But I know she's the minimum height.
When visiting Poland make sure you don't look faded.
You might run into the polish police.
I only like two deodorants, Sure and Right Guard
Feel free to disagree, that’s just my two scents.
If i could, I’d make sure everyone had a dolphin.
Because everybody needs a porpoise to their life
Saw this on r/unexpected, thought it was funny so here we are :) I’ll be sure to add the link to the OG post in the comments incase you wanna see it
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
At our restaurant, we make sure to buy our pickled cabbage from a variety of vendors.
We've discovered the value of kraut sourcing.
I’m not sure if it’s true or false that he is the Prime Minister of Canada, but that his name is Justin
Aro sure he can see where he’s going?
With the holidays near, to set a festive atmosphere at your table, be sure you have a shiny chrome plate to hold your condiment sauce. Why?
Because there is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
I sure got a kick out of seeing the comedian perform.
I would have preferred a handshake, though.
An atom called the cops to report he had an electron stolen. The cop asked, "Are you sure?"
And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...
I am sure you've heard of Murphy's Law, but have you heard of Cole's Law?
It is thinnly sliced cabbage.
My dad (67) just sent this to me. It's literally a dad joke. Some of us might not get it though I'm sure.
What does the Pink Panther say when he knocked over an ant hill?
Dead ant... dead ant... dead ant dead ant dead ant... dead ant dead ant....
I'm not sure why pirates are so interested in this...
I'm thinking about buying a new mattress, but I'm not sure.
I think I'll sleep on it.
My kid wasn't sure if he wanted eggnog or not.
You might say he's eggnostic.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Not sure how my wife views my hunter’s outfit.
Says she can’t see me in camouflage.
Dwayne Johnson is a really nice guy, so he always makes sure he's as close to the wall as possible...
He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.
Those Duke boys sure do like to jump their car over things...
... General Lee speaking.
I don’t trust stairs
They’re always up to something.
I was so sure my new hire was Spider-Man
Because his resume said he was a web designer.
Found it on facebook. Nor sure if it was posted here before
My missus asked Siri. "Surely it's not going to rain today?"
Siri said "Yes it will rain, and don't call me Shirley".
I think she forgot to take her phone off Airplane mode.
Just asked siri "Surely, it won't rain today?"
She replied "It certainly will, and don't call me Shirley."
Forgot i was on airplane mode.
Sure, I drink brake fluid.
Make sure that your left leg is up before the clock hits midnight tomorrow.
That way you start 2021 on the right foot.
Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg.
That way you will start the new year off on the right foot.
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