They just found a planet practically identical to earth, but it has two suns.
TIL that Jackie Onassis Kennedy has a famous sister. She is practically a household name.
May Onassis, she married into the Helmanns family.
This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
My son thought males and females were practically the same...
I told him there was a vas deferens.
inspiration < looking at things practically
I live in an apartment building, and my neighbour, Nami, on the floor above me, managed to flood my entire apartment! There are practically tidal waves in my kitchen. She refuses to pay for the cleanup, too.
I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.
I was practically in a coma last night after eating a boatload of doughnuts for Father’s Day.
I went out with a glaze of glory.
Every single time we go to the movies and the theater is practically empty
"Aw man all the good seats are taken!"
I could practically hear my boyfriend's eyes rolling.
Hungry boyfriend: i want ribs.
Me: (touches his ribcage) but you already have some!
Eating a free hot dog.
Friend: How does it taste?
Me: Quite good, frankly.
Friend: Do you practice puns?
And that's the proudest I've ever felt.
What kind of self-defense does a Jewish Trump supporter practice?
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
because It didn't habenero . .
My wife has been telling me to put a stop to my animal impressions for a while now. Today, she furiously told to me stop a flamingo impression I had been practicing for a while now.
I realized that was it, and I had to put my foot down.
They say practice healthy eating…
Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year's Eve?
Unlike Judaism, a ceremonial ritual for slaughtered food is not practiced in Christianity.
That's separation of church and steak.
Did you hear about the queue for practical jokes?
It was a great punch-line.
I started practicing complementary medicine.
I told my bowmen that I would pay anytime they need to get some practice in at the course.
They’re free range archers now.
What do you call a killing before yoga practice?
A man walks into the doctor's office
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's.. erm .. well ... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Ah ok. How do your trousers fit?" asks the doc.
"Like a glove."
Dad to his son; “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?”
Son; “Go on, then.”
Dad growls; “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”
Son; “That’s Superman.”
Dad; “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
Making pennies is very practical...
My son had a rough time at little league practice - after striking out three times, he lost interest and wouldn’t stop smelling the dandelions in the outfield, getting one stuck in his nose.
A samurai decided to become a shepherd.
He is now practicing the art of Bu-sheep-do.
I’m not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.
It helps me speak boulder.
What do you call a polar bear living in Florida?
A solar bear
Bonus: what do you call a bear that practices dentistry?
A molar bear
My army instructor told me he didn’t see me at camouflage practice today.
“Thank you, sir!” I replied.
I'm not a dad yet, but I'm practicing for when I am (should be in about 20 years)
Me: "I've been getting better at biking with no hands"
Mum: "That's a handy skill"
Me: "Actually it's a no handy skill"
I was pondering some of the practical arts that are dying out like silversmithing and coppersmithing.
One of the most tragic is the art of hand making exit signs which is really on the way out.
Why did Ghandi hate flatbread?
Because he practiced naan-violence.
I had a minor accident at the practice
Accidentally played a major
Everyone keeps telling me to practice social distancing,
but when am I supposed to stop practicing and actually do it?
My boss wants me to sign up for a 401K...
I’m not sure how he expects anyone to run that far!!!
I may not be a dad for a while, but I’m getting some good practice in.
My wife is studying to become a massage therapist
All she wants to do is study and practice. I’ve got to cook; I’ve got to clean. It’s tough.
But I have to say, at the end of the day, it does feel nice to be kneaded
I like people in theory...
....but, not in practice .
What do you call it when a bowler knocks down all the pins in a practice frame?
What do you call sick highschoolers who practice social distancing?
A queen went travelling to a foreign land. She asked her two ladies in waiting to clean for each other while she was gone, so they wouldn't be out of practice when she got back. When she returned, the two had fallen in love and gotten married.
They were maid for each other.
I was having trouble playing a song on guitar and my teacher said "practice to a tick"
It didn't work at all and now I have Lyme disease
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery
Because it didn't habanero
Why couldn't the Green Pepper practice Archery?
because it didn't habanero
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
. . . because it didn't habanero!
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