What human body part is long, hard, bendable, most useful when erect, and contains the letters p,n,e,s,i?
finally, high school Spanish has become useful!
A man should always carry a knife. It can cut your food, open beer bottles, be a screwdriver, or even be used as a toothpick. It works great for cleaning your fingernails, and it's quite useful in an emergency situation
like when you have to change someone's mind.
Part of me thinks cognitive dissonance can be a useful coping mechanism
... but another part of me disagrees.
My wife and I had this giant argument about which vowel is the most useful.
Who is the most useful man
The Czech Republic makes the most useful machines.
They're very Praguematic over there
Stopwatches are useful for a short time.
As things go, green traffic lights are useful.
Duct tape is useful for almost everthing, if only it worked for emotions
Windows 10, and just as useful.
While considering buying a portable tool organizer, I told my GF, "It would be useful if I had to carry it around...
...but it's not my case."
Dad jokes can also useful be for when you're with girls
- Girl: My phone has bricked itself
- Me: really, is it much heavier now?
- Girl: ...... *groan........
and then slowly but surely starts giggling her head off
What do you call the people who disciplines others who use puns?
What do you call a serial killer who frequently uses puns?
Why do dad jokes often use puns?
Uses Pun, It's Super Effective
Me: Let me see your fan.
Friend: *shows me fan*
Me: I'm much bigger than that. Some might even say your biggest...
Friend: I need you to leave.
Using puns in your marketing campaign?
Never try to prove a point using puns.
You are committing the logical fallacy of argument ad homonym.
I'm writing a story about a minotaur who uses puns.
He cows his enemies with bad jokes.
[Request] Need puntastic suggestions related to flail!
Hi punterific people!
I'm a YouTuber that loves puns and use puns regularly in my videos when I play games. I'm having some new graphics donr for my channel and I want to change my 'saying' to reflect the punny part of... Well.. Me :)
The new art depicts my avatar (Game kNight) weilding a shield and a flail - and I want the saying to reflect something in that regard. I persistently play games to win (as if anyone did otherwise) and don't like failing (like most other gamers?);
Thoughts up until now:
Flailure is not an option - for me! (but for the enemies I face is implied)
Flailing is an option (because facing me will get you flailed)
I will not flail you!
Hope you can help me out!
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills
I was taught to never use the Oxford comma
by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. I’m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
Why did NASA use numbers instead of letters for the Apollo series?
Because if Apollo-F crashed, they’d have to make an Apollo-G.
Why is “beefstew” an unsafe password to use?
Because it’s not Stroganoff.
been a moment since i used the tea-rex meme template
I used to be scared of speed bumps.
I’m slowly getting over it
What should you use with Batman shampoo?
Why can't athiests use exponents?
Because they don't believe in a higher power.
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
My son asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”
I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”
I used to work at a calendar factory
But they fired me for taking a couple of days off
I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD.
Now days, people don't use the name Lance very often
In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot
What's everyone been using to scrape ice off their cars? I have been using a discount card.
Only been getting 25% off.
I use a lot of the jokes from here, but I always tell folks where I got them.
Just giving cReddit where it's due.
My dad used to annoy me with bird puns.
But now I realize toucan play that game.
I was told I can't use eBay anymore.
I don't know why exactly, they just said it was for biddin'
Pre- means before. Post- means after. To use both prefixes together,
I still remember my childhood quite fondly, when dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
I asked the trainer at the gym, which machine I should use to impress the ladies?
He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine. "
So yall know how people used wooden dentures in the 19th century? I wonder if women ever tried or thought of using the same idea to increase boob size.
That would be something, now wooden tit?
"I used to hate facial hair..."
"but then it grew on me."
Curse the creator of autocorrect! I asked my friend what the best shampoo to use was, and he replied “Panettone”.
That was last Tuesday, and I still haven’t got all the crumbs out of my hair.
My dad always used to say ‘out with the old and in with the new’.
Lovely man, terrible antiques dealer...
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
Why don’t people use bulls to travel?
Because they go when the stop light is red!
(Sorry if this was bad)
We used to have a Teacher’s assistant named Ruth, but one day she left.
After that, our teacher became ruthless
My dog has learned out to use the TV remote...
All she does is paws and unpaws.
I used to play the triangle in a Reggae band but I left though
It was just one ting after another.
I used to be a man stuck inside a womans body....
are there any Sheep Puns that could be used to name a Sheep?
Names such as:
John Sebastian Baach
I have never actually used a professional telescope in my life.
It’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
What kind of glue can you use to hold ice blocks together?
What does a dyslexic war general use for his bad breath?
Which tree wishes things were more like they used to be?