It was a great punch-line.
It just makes cents.
One of the most tragic is the art of hand making exit signs which is really on the way out.
In theory, there is no difference.
I'm so gonna be Fehling the test
This gift sucks.
These are some of the practical jokes my dad would do while driving to "entertain" us:
-
Driving slow next to a jogger, turning down the window and asking "You seem to be in a hurry. Need a lift?" I would usually hide under a seat in shame.
-
On a hot day in a car without AC, he'd use the standard question "Hot enough for everyone?" which just gave him groans and a loud "yes". - "Well, in this case I can turn down the thermostat again". (Of course, he'd just been turning it up right before his question without anyone noticing)
-
Instead of driving right in a roundabout and taking the third exit, he'd drive left and take the first "to save gas", creeping the shit out of everyone. This was out on the countryside with no cars anywhere to be seen.
Any other stories you guys have?
Because they like to pollo leg.
Friend: How does it taste?
Me: Quite good, frankly.
Friend: Do you practice puns?
And that's the proudest I've ever felt.
Because he didn't habenero!
Botulism
Krav MAGA.
At first I couldn't get it, but it's coming back to me now.
Did they stick their fingers in an electrical socket?
"No... Why..?"
Well, then, how do you know if they were good conductors or not?
I realized that was it, and I had to put my foot down.
Times Square.
I teared up, after all these years she still doesn't know my name is David.
That's separation of church and steak.
It’s a constant sun set.
May Onassis, she married into the Helmanns family.
So this is a true story, and maybe I’ll go to hell for telling it, but I expect I’ll meet the actual perpetrator there:
At baseball practice last night, a coach asked if I’d seen the rabbit — the dead one. What? He had me look by a fence where there wasn’t a dead bunny, but HALF of one: Literally (and eerily) just the bottom half, with the top completely missing. Still shuddering over this.
Properly disposed of it and was feeling unsettled, but sprung right back to true dad form when he jokingly accused me of harming the rabbit. I told him that he knew it couldn’t have been me — I’ve never been one to split hares
You are really smart!!
They’re free range archers now.
A pre-meditated murder
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's.. erm .. well ... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Ah ok. How do your trousers fit?" asks the doc.
"Like a glove."
Son; “Go on, then.”
Dad growls; “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”
Son; “That’s Superman.”
Dad; “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
It helps me speak boulder.
He really whiffed hard.
“Thank you, sir!” I replied.
Me: "I've been getting better at biking with no hands"
Mum: "That's a handy skill"
Me: "Actually it's a no handy skill"
Accidentally played a major
but when am I supposed to stop practicing and actually do it?
I said “thanks, I’ve been practicing.”
I told him there was a vas deferens.
A solar bear
Bonus: what do you call a bear that practices dentistry?
A molar bear
I’m not sure how he expects anyone to run that far!!!
because It didn't habenero . .
Because it didn't habanero
because it didn't habanero
Because it didn't habanero.
Because it didn't habanero.
. . . because it didn't habanero!
