Domestic Skills

When my wife came home yesterday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me on the couch having done nothing but eat chips and watch TV all afternoon.

She shook her finger at me, "You better watch this lazy attitude you've had lately, mister, or you're gonna to make me do something I'll regret!"

"Wow," I thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a bj out of this."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
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During lockdown my origami skills have improved...

Tenfold

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
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Son, it's time I teach you a very important skill

Making instant coffee in a slow cooker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roy55514
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
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Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?

I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
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Three fruits decided to have a dragrace match. The Lemon prepared by practcing driving skills, the orange by studying the appropriate tecniques, the grape by relaxing in the sun. Who won?

The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
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Just watched a great documentary on Netflix regarding Chewbacca's porcelain skills...

It's called - Hairy Potter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ May 17
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My English skills and mental health need improvement, but my math skills are fine.

Me grammar sucks and i is imaginary.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdiscer
πŸ“…︎ May 20
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What do you call a member of law enforcement who likes to show people his skills on the Guitar?

A share riff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
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Not my first pun but second pun here. Don't WINE about my Photoshop skills.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/c_lassi_k
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
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Just saw the new Netflix documentary about Chewbacca's porcelain skills...

It's called "Hairy Potter".

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
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Those brother in law pun skills
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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Have you heard about the disease named after a baseball skill?

It's catching.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
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I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, β€œYou’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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What do I call it when you're working on honing your sexual skills?

Horning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
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Those brother in law pun skills
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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I told my mom to teach my kids her skills in making bread and pasta from scratch

They knead it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/puggernault
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?

Its tests the ears of its corn-testants

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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I used my carpentry skills to fix a creaky stair.

I mean, screw that noise.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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I asked my wife what she thought of my peeing skills, on a scale of 1-10...

She said β€œurinate”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoosierdaddiesx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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I brought my skills learned in the army to my new job, working to fix animals...

I'm a military vet!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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I asked my friend to rate my listening skills and he said, "You're an 8 on a scale of 10"

Really don't understand why he told me to urinate on a skeleton.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDPhoenix-8632
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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My skills at sharpening my knives are atrophying...

I really need to hone them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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My boss said my math skills are average.

That's just mean.

πŸ‘︎ 964
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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Advanced reading skills
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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My door to door fruit delivery business failed terribly because of my horrible interpersonal skills.

I was driving people bananas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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I wanted to impress my friends, so I learned how to improve my guitar skills.

It was A Major task but I can only C Minor improvement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealJeemboo
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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You're no match for my smash skills
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sreksworb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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Making external auditory sensors for automobiles is an employable skill

You can make a car ear doing it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdfariello
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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My magnum opus. Even though the Photoshop skills are something quite atrocious. (Pic)

http://imgur.com/p8zGyin

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeywithanr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2016
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What do you call a green onion with mad rhyme skills?

A Rapscallion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/petertmcqueeny
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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My wife was filling out a skill testing question using my back as a table.

She was have trouble with the question so she just googled the answer and wrote it down. I told her that I was leaving her. Why she asked me. I told you I would leave you if you ever cheated on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catonmyshoulder69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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What skill does a herb farmer need to perfect?

Thyme management

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lepantswizzard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2016
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I'm quite insecure about my home baking skills, though people kept complimenting me on my home made bread.

"Thanks" I said "I kneaded that"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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Today at work I was practicing my forklift skills v.redd.it/qxa702uc5ju11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dyeoncanvas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
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His pun skills are top notch
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashT19
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
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Chalk it up to my artistic skill
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CCplusplus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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Dad teaching me culinary skills.

"Let me show you how to make an egg roll, son."

Picks an egg

"Take an egg, put it on the table, and just push it!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steelpan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
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Forklift skills v.redd.it/vlbqf27hueu11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Armyman365
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam has a father who was known for his skills as a Jedi and military leader.

They call him Darth Vedder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stratospher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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My origami skills are in creasing.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr36251
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
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I used to brag about my Photoshop skills to my friends.

But when I was about to show them, the software crashed midway and I could do nothing about it.

It destroyed my image.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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What's the difference between someone who bought a house and someone who practices their electrician skills?

One's a home owner and the other's an ohm honer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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I saw two chess masters in the hotel lobby, and they were bragging about their skill.

They were chess nuts boasting in a open foyer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KitonePeach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
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Which geometrical instrument has the most leadership skills?

A ruler

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelawofD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
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Tilt shift is a hard skill to master
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hookedonbrooke
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
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My dad calls his teeth "skills"

so every night he could go brush up his skills

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2016
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I finally passed my writing skills test.

Good writtens!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrsilbert1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2017
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My snow skiing skills are going downhill fast!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokesig
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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I asked my girlfriend what her opinion was on Pete Townshend's guitar playing skills.

She replied "Literally who?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghdust2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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What is someone with bad social skills doing on a conference?

Notworking

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoTomArrow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
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Link was showing off his boomerang skills.

It was a stunning performance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KelvinShadewing
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2017
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Raising a puppy is sharpening my skills...

[Mom, dad, SO, I eating Chinese food before Billy Joel concert]

[Finishing up, dad notices bunch of fortune cookies left in the box to be thrown out]

Dad: "You gonna throw all these away?"

Mom: "...are you gonna eat all of them?"

Me: "No reason to throw them out, they're worth a fortune.........."

.......It sounded much better before I typed it all out, I hope it comes across as good as it did that night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thenatureboy_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2016
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I walked into an underemployed martial arts dojo today and offered my skills.

In no time, I was HI-YA'd!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacecadet24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
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Did a presentation on beginners carpentry skills today.

Nailed it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmoffitt15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2016
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My brother is in town, and has forgotten the skills of our Dad.

Brother: Hey, can I take a shower?

Dad: As long as you put it back when you're done with it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haferflocken
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
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My parking skills

Are unparalleled

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scamperly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
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Telekinesis is not a handy skill.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxwellSinclair
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2015
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Doing the laundry with my roommate when my Dad-skills activated

On the weekends, my roomie and I head to the cleaners to do our laundry. We were folding our clothes and towels away when he commented on how fancy I fold my towels, similar to how some hotels chains have theirs folded. He asked where I learned to fold towels like that when I said "Oh, its just a natural towel-lent of mine"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Left4dinner
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2016
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So, this is a little bit unoriginal but it's my first own dadjoke that I came up with on the spot, so I was proud to know I might hone my skills in the future to be a great/horrible dad.

Friend: Text me when you have time.

Me: When you have time.

Friend: ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shockingnews213
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2015
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Two gunslingers of equal skill had a face off, what do you think happened?

It was a draw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DR_PORNBODY
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2016
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Dadjoke at my beginner programming skills

My dad asked me how my very first arduino program was going.

Me: "I made an LED blink!!"

Dad: "Wow, I think I would definitely lose a staring contest with an LED."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mobiwobi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2014
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My 4 year old is honing her dad joke skills.

My wife and I were enjoying coffee this morning when I asked her what kind it was. My daughter said "It's hazelnut coffee! Right, Mommy?" My wife said "No. Way off." To which my daughter replied "Way off coffee?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdlyons81
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2015
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This app/game has really put my Dadjoke skills to the test, but I love it!

The app is called "Punfound".

http://imgur.com/zesPnQZ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/calix_xto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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Dad making fun of my math skills

Last Mother's Day, I surprised my parents by making an unannounced day-trip back home from college (3 hours away). When I got home, my sister had just gotten off work and needed to be picked up. She texted my dad, "Send someone to pick me up." My Dad sent me to get her from work, and she obviously wasn't expecting me. On the drive back, unbeknownst to me, my sister had texted my dad "Trieclipse doesn't count." Suddenly my sister bursts out laughing. My Dad had texted back, matter-of-factly, "He can count to 10."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trieclipse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2013
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I admit defeat to her dadjoke skills

We decided to give beer necklaces to my friends who are graduating, when she said,

"We can write, 'BUD, you're WEISER'". I could do nothing but admit defeat and give her the dadjoke crown...for now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YearRoundLurker
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
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