I was lucky enough to witness the first narcoleptic contestants ever to compete at the World Pie Eating Championship.
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︎ May 05 2021
Found out that my nanna used to compete in banana eating competitions until she was caught cheating...
... Then they had to ban nanna
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︎ Mar 23 2021
Did you hear about the nudist who competed in the Marathon?
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︎ Mar 15 2021
Seems the Weekend had compete creative control for the halftime special and brought in his own production team.
I guess Everybody's Working For the Weekend.
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︎ Feb 08 2021
Did you hear that U.S. Mail is starting a freight delivery service to compete with FedEx and UPS?
Itβs called βS Cargoβ.
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︎ Nov 11 2020
My friend tried opening up a driving range to compete with Top Golf.
Not sure if he pulled it off but I know it took a lot of balls to do it.
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︎ Nov 13 2020
Did you hear about the naked toddler competing in the Olympics' 100m dash?
He was running a little behind.
(I believe this to be original; but I wasn't willing to risk searching for the key terms required to determine if someone else came up with it... apologies if I'm repeating a long ago joke)
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Whenever I am in a running competion i end up in Finland.
Because i am running to the finnish line.
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︎ Sep 05 2020
The nurse at the sperm bank asked if I wanted to masturbate in the cup
I replied: I know I am pretty good, but I donβt think Iβm ready to compete just yet
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︎ Apr 27 2021
What do you call the pressure Microsoft is under to compete with iPad?
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︎ Jun 26 2020
Elon Musk just completed his SpaceX warp drive, and Blue Origin can't compete.
He's light-years ahead of the competition now.
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︎ Jun 15 2020
Did you hear about the team of white guys that tried to compete in an all vietnamese soccer league?
They didnt Nguyen a single game
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︎ Feb 01 2020
I was in a contest where you lost if you talked.
It was quite the competion, to say the least.
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︎ Feb 06 2021
I told the cop, βYou canβt give me a ticket. Iβm running a marathon tomorrow.β
The cop said, βSir, thatβs not how you play the race card.β
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︎ Oct 27 2020
I tried to compete in a stair climbing competition, but I lost in the first round.
I guess I better step up my game.
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︎ Sep 21 2019
Can any others even compete?
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︎ Jun 27 2018
If you buy Disney stock, and wait till they start competing with Netflix in November, you won't want to go to Disneyland or Disney World.
The stock itself will give you enough of a roller coaster ride.
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︎ Jun 08 2019
My friend is competing with others to become a prison guard...
He is a con-tender contender.
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︎ Mar 10 2019
When competing on a bird-related pun battle....
Owlways remember that Toucan play this game.
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︎ Aug 14 2016
Did you hear about the three bears that were competing for the same job?
It was a grizzly competition between polar opposites but, in the end, one was way more koalafied.
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︎ Jun 16 2018
Me and my brother, Victor, competed in a food eating contest...
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︎ Apr 09 2019
There should be a movie about a Jamaican curling team that competes in the Olympics.
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︎ Feb 11 2018
Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:
"......gneiss guys finish last."
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︎ Jul 05 2017
So there are these twins with dwarfism who compete in marathons together.
I hear short legs run in their family.
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︎ Apr 14 2018
Why couldnβt the bicycle stand up?
Because it was two tired.
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︎ May 25 2020
The O.Henry Pun-Off is back βON!β - Tongues of puns linger
- Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museumβs famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings theyβve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
- Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
- Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.
[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition
This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.
The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words youβve ever heard.
The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
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︎ Jun 08 2014
Did you hear about the recent race to send a cow to space?
The steaks will be higher than ever
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︎ Feb 11 2020
I own a business where two folks jump from a plane and compete to hit the most targets as they fall to Earth.
It's called Pair a' Shooters
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︎ Feb 02 2018
TIL in the late 2000s RIM was developing a voice interface to compete with Appleβs soon-to-be revealed Siri.
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︎ Feb 01 2018
The last Czar challenged Santa Claus to compete against him in a marathon...
It was the closest race ever.
The entire time, they were Nick and Nick.
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︎ Feb 07 2017
The quarter pounder was alright, but it can't compete with my quarter pounder with cheese
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︎ Sep 05 2013
The card game
A few years ago, was playing a card game with my frisbee team. We were competing in a frisbee tournament for spring break, and we had discs lying all around the Airbnb we were sleeping in. After playing the first few hands, I realized I didn't know what to do with my old cards.
I asked my teammate where I should put my used up cards. They pointed to some cards lying in a frisbee.
It was a disc card, discard pile.
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︎ Sep 09 2020
Did you hear that there were two competing titles for the new Star Wars movie?
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︎ Dec 07 2016
I know on the outside I look competent, but deep down I have a debilitating fear that I'm actually in a bowl of spaghettiβ¦
I guess you could say I have In-pasta Syndrome...
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︎ Jan 31 2017
Sony had a PlayStation product to compete with the WiiU...
... called the PU.
Was never successful.
Everyone thought it stank.
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︎ Sep 07 2015
Which playing cards are the best dancers?
The king and queen of clubs
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︎ Apr 15 2020
I applied to be a sperm donor recently and the nurse asked me if I could masturbate in the cup.
I told her Iβve done it a few times before but I donβt know if Iβm ready to compete in a tournament.
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︎ Sep 09 2019
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︎ Jul 12 2015
My Dad got me when I was 16, bleeding in a field and in agony.
I was 16 and at a rowing regatta I was competing in. It was middle of the day and very hot everyone was under these massive gazebo/tent structures with big guide wires and these huge rusty steel tent pegs sledgehammered into the dirt.
Anyways I was running late for my race and my crew were yelling at me so I started running. The shortest way was through the spectator area on a big downhill towards the water so at full pace I went that way.
About halfway the top of my barefoot trips on the rusted top of one of these steel pegs and I fall face first and tumble through the dirt with my foot and ankle split open.
People run from all directions, medical staff etc someone holds a towel over my head for shade and I see my dad. He's looking down at me but it's hard to see through the dirt in my eyes and people around.
He asks "bloody hell mate, what happened?".
In agony I manage a "I kicked a tent peg".
He knelt down beside me, looked me in the eye and said "how far did it go?"
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︎ Dec 03 2014
Humanlike machinery has been discovered in Africa. These machines make funny African related puns, which some humans feel threatened by.
But if Botswana compete with me, that's fine.
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︎ Oct 07 2018
That's an Oddly Shaped Pie
There was a village that had four competing pie shops, each inhabiting their own corner of the town. One of these shops was named "The Circle".
The Circle wanted to gain an edge on the other shops, they wanted to stand out. They realized they could transport more pies in their boxes if they made the pies square instead of circular, so they would stack better. The only place in the village to have these oddly-shaped pies is at The Circle.
So, for the area of The Circle, the pie are squared.
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︎ Mar 14 2017
[Request] Puns for spay/neuter veterinary surgery team.
Hello, I'm in Vet school and just can't seem to compete with some of my fellow students' surgery team names. As students, we work together to do spays and neuters for shelter animals. We like to use funny pun names.
Ideas that have already been taken: "Ovarian Cysters" "Dogtors at Your Cervix" "Eggs Ovary-Z"
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︎ Jan 31 2018
Need help with a pun!
I recently posted a picture of a peaceful looking, meditating waldo with a title that reads "Plot twist. Waldo finds himself".
My uncle replied with the awesome pun: "Waldo is my "om" boy!"
I need a pun to compete! Thanks for any help.
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︎ Mar 21 2015
Help! I need puns about puzzles!
Context: There is an upcoming 250 piece puzzle-making competition at work where teams compete to be the fastest puzzle-solvers. It is a corporate activity. I'm writing the invitation to be distributed and I want to get people participating. Help!
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︎ May 18 2017
The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...
I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just
yet."
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︎ Jul 24 2018
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