Why don't professional boxers have sex before a fight ?

Thy probably don't like each other.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure.

Good players are hard to find.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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I have never actually used a professional telescope in my life.

It’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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What do positively charged particles have in common with professional sumo wrestling teams?

They're both protons.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fecalfettucine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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I’ve considered becoming a professional horse groomer.

It would be a stable job

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/designerd101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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I became a professional fisherman...

But discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Why do referees in professional rugby always give penalties against chickens?

Because they always award against professional fowls.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RasberryOnline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Why do some types of healthcare professionals only care about themselves?

Because they're nurse assists.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hysnbrg4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Professional librarian.
πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashthesharma
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Professional procrastinator
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sci_man_scimon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Amazon delivered my new Ninja professional blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...

It keeps giving me mixed results.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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What do you call medical professionals who don't feed their patients after an overnight stay in the hospital?

Doctors without boarders.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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My dream of becoming the first professional boxer/pirate were crushed....

The boxing commission said my right hook was illegal.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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My friend is a professional skydiver.

He really throws himself into his work.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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My wife, Ming, told me, "You would look more professional without that funny bow tie." I have to wear it though. I explained to her, "My jokes aren't funny without...

my comedic tie, Ming."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Did you hear about the professional bowler who was also a gymnast?

She did splits well!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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The guy who did my urinalysis made way too many jokes to be a professional

It was a complete pisstake

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tasty69Toes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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My dog decided to become a professional at barking

I think I'll get him a subwoofer

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotTooSavage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Ordering pizza with my 3 year old.

Me: do you want ranch or blue cheese? 3yr old: ranch is for horses

Little guy Caught me off guard lol

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjorazi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..

You keeled my father. Prepare two die.

*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?

^(What a freaking professional)

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calvinweight
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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I want to hire a group of professional hackers

To antagonize a local QT and mess with their registers. That way I can get a snack, wait in line and every five minutes say, punctually, "Man, this quick trip is taking a long time."

It'll be my entertainment for an afternoon.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brydaro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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My friend is a medical professional who does circumcisions for a living.

He doesn't get paid much, but at least he gets to keep all the tips.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rajdhagat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Hats off to all the doctors and health care professionals
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harami_nobita
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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What’s the Highest Level of Competition That a Semi Professional Sauerkraut Pickler Aspires To?

The Briner Leagues.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/du_bekar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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I hope it does
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stont753
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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I was going to make a joke about a professional Boxer

But he blocked my punch line

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stormtrooper7509
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Security professionals advise to never use β€˜beef stew’ as a password

It isn’t stroganoff

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-m-meeseeks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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I once got my toe nails professionally trimmed. They used a hardened steel tool for smoothing my clipped nails...

In other words, a pedi-file.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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My wife dated a professional clown before we started going out.

I had some big shoes to fill.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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How much money do professional ice skaters make in a year?

Eight figures but unfortunately they can't access it because their accounts are frozen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickC-249
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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Steve Tyler has quit the music business and become a professional fletcher...

His shop is called Arrowsmith.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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What’s the one thing professional poker players and plumbers can agree on?

A royal flush is better than a full house

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WarningOutOfMind
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the professional skier who started to use performance enhancing drugs?

He went downhill real fast.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RicoCat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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I once tried to be a professional juggler

I had to quit, there was just too much up in the air at the time

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/g3ars1997
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend was a professional opera soloist...

It was her aria of expertise.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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I got some devastating news from the hospital today. My dad was pronounced dead.

I can’t believe I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all this time.

Edit: this joke was straight up stolen from professional comedian Nick Nemeroff. I heard it on the radio so I didn’t have his name handy and thought it was awesome for this sub and had to post it before I forgot it. Thanks to Nick for commenting here below so that I could give him credit.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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My friend is a professional sewer inspector

Truly a connoisewer

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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Those who cry professionally,

Give a whole new meaning to good mourning.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr-fuhrer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
It would be impossible to host a professional hide n seek tournament

Since good players are hard to find

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-k_i_l_r_o_y-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I dreamed of becoming a professional fisherman

But I found out that I couldn't live on my net income

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TehFuriousKid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is organizing a professional hide-and-seek tournament hard?

It's hard to find good players.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KomodoJo3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it was a complete disaster.

Good players are hard to find.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to be a professional fisherman

Then discovered I couldn't live on my net income

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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My idea of a professional Hide and Seek tournament failed miserably.

Good players are hard to find.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife dated a professional clown before she met me.

I had some pretty big shoes to fill.

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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