I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...

Is this a trick question?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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Why didn't the Justice League accept the Adobe Sponsorship?

Because it would have required them to kill Flash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoDragonsPlz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Y’all hear about that country barber who accepts venison as payment, but only does bowl cuts?

Says he just wants to give folks the most bangs for their buck.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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Just accepted new job at a bicycle factory

Gonna be their spokes person

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πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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I hear astronaut schools are now accepting cats, and it only costs $2...

It's a catastrophe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NGEddie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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Self-Depreciation Society accepting new applicants

I already put myself down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but I’m holding out for a classier part...

...I will not be deterred!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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Orcas are love spouting and accepting homosexuwhales
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartianGlassner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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I got fired today because a customer wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese....

I told them we only accept cash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeetsampat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...

It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Is it acceptable for a non-dad to post a joke here?

Or would that be a faux pa?

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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My dad came out as trans so we accepted him as a man, my mom came out as trans so we accepted her as a woman.

It was honestly a surprise but at least they were both Trans-Parent about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elemental55555
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Womb-mates is an acceptable term for twins
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvl100mafia_boss
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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Kissing someone is human version of accepting germs and conditions
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TickleLife
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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I heard about a politician who was caught accepting bribes from a jean company.

He’s in the pocket of big pants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Why did the egyptians have trouble with acceptance?

Because the were in de-Nile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Reader91-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I could never accept a two-year sentence. I just don’t have that much to say.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/equiinferno
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley

He was in Denali.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbwaeguk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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Where's the one place it's acceptable to drink and drive?

The golf tee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanjosRuleDude
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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What kind of nuts only accept credit card payments?

Cashews

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πŸ‘€︎ u/soloazn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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Am I accepted into med school now?

I was going to a fencing tournament with my teammates. In our hotel the night before, while unpacking, one of my teammates hit her head on a lamp. Rushing over I asked her if she was ok, or if she was feeling light-headed.

(Don't worry, she was perfectly ok)

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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A man can fly

So there was a man and woman at a bar. The man says "I bet you 5 bucks this magic water will make me fly!" the woman clearly didn't believe him so she accepted the bet. Sure enough the man jumps off the roof and flies for a bit until he gently goes back to the ground. The girl was amazed! She said "You should market this stuff." "You could make millions!" Still in shock she asks for a drink. She takes a swig and a small crowd forms because this girl is about to jump off of a building. She jumps off and falls onto the pavement. The guy is laughing his head off. Suddenly someone shouts from the crowd "You're a mean drunk superman!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoesMemories
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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Why didn’t the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?

He was asimptomatic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sinnoh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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If you move to a Polynesian country and wonder if the natives will accept you, just know there will be

Samoans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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What country does not accept cash or credit cards ?

The Czech Republic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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Please accept my Heart Felt thanks.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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My college friend got accepted to a social group by having to float out in the bay to mark a channel for their boats....

He was a frat buoy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.

We got a long well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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My neighbour said he'd look after my dog if I accepted the fact that he's currently dating a punctuation mark.

He's a comma dating.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Do you accept random Facebook requests?

Asking for a friend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Massive protest spread across Madrid earlier today to protest the nation's Supreme Court ruling that bans tattoos.

Nobody accepts the Spanish ink decision.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Somethinggood4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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My girlfriend just couldn’t accept my obsession with horoscopes

In the end it Taurus apart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewwap
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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So sorry to hear your uncle was hit by a boat in Venice.

Please accept my gondolances.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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English sucks sometimes πŸ˜‚
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mohammed_ziyadh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Do you accept the cookies?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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Hi,I was told this was acceptable her
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dankestmemes2021
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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I tried to get my wife to accept my apology after saying her skin was like leather

But she's not suede

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinema_King
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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People who died penny less didn't accept change
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainCarterX1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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I got banned from Hawaii for having a loud laugh

All they accept is a low ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solanimus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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When is it acceptable to react to a table?

Periodically.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrispyMiner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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Is it acceptable to tell dad jokes if you don't have kids....?

....or is it a faux pa?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeeBitVideo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?

Because it lost the gill to live.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.

So we named him Kilometers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/byebyebyecycle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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PSA Don't accept friend requests from Hormel.

Could be spam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeltaGolfDelta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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I am unable to support the "fat-acceptance" movement

Because they're too heavy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaxyCat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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A guy is sitting on his couch bored.

He decides he wants to spice up his day and call his dealer. He asks his dealer, "hey, do you have anything new I haven't tried?" His dealer responds, "I just got some new weed named after old cartoon characters! It's some potent stuff!" The guy accepts this and meets up with the dealer. When he gets back home, he goes to roll a joint and finds that it just doesn't want to stay rolled and keeps coming apart. Frustrated, he calls the dealer back. "This shit just won't stay rolled! What did you sell me?" The dealer responds, "that's just how the scooby doobie do!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahh-potatoes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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Nothing runs a pun like bad spelling, accept poor grammar's.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neversaiddie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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I just got accepted into the most popular anger management group.

It’s all the rage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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Just been to a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies !!!!

Is that a trick question.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Customer: "I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese."

Cashier: "Sorry, we only accept cash."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report

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