I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...
Is this a trick question?
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︎ Jan 16 2021
Yβall hear about that country barber who accepts venison as payment, but only does bowl cuts?
Says he just wants to give folks the most bangs for their buck.
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︎ Mar 11 2021
Just accepted new job at a bicycle factory
Gonna be their spokes person
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︎ Jan 29 2021
Self-Depreciation Society accepting new applicants
I already put myself down
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︎ Feb 02 2021
Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but Iβm holding out for a classier part...
...I will not be deterred!!
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Orcas are love spouting and accepting homosexuwhales
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︎ Dec 21 2020
I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...
It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Is it acceptable for a non-dad to post a joke here?
Or would that be a faux pa?
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︎ Jul 19 2020
My dad came out as trans so we accepted him as a man, my mom came out as trans so we accepted her as a woman.
It was honestly a surprise but at least they were both Trans-Parent about it.
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︎ Sep 29 2020
Womb-mates is an acceptable term for twins
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︎ Oct 03 2020
I heard about a politician who was caught accepting bribes from a jean company.
Heβs in the pocket of big pants.
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︎ Nov 24 2020
Kissing someone is human version of accepting germs and conditions
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︎ Sep 24 2020
Why did the egyptians have trouble with acceptance?
Because the were in de-Nile.
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︎ Nov 08 2020
I could never accept a two-year sentence. I just donβt have that much to say.
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︎ Sep 19 2020
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
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︎ Oct 30 2020
Where's the one place it's acceptable to drink and drive?
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︎ Sep 12 2020
What kind of nuts only accept credit card payments?
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︎ Aug 12 2020
Am I accepted into med school now?
I was going to a fencing tournament with my teammates. In our hotel the night before, while unpacking, one of my teammates hit her head on a lamp. Rushing over I asked her if she was ok, or if she was feeling light-headed.
(Don't worry, she was perfectly ok)
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︎ Jul 25 2020
Customer: "I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese."
Cashier: "Sorry, we only accept cash."
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Why didnβt the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?
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︎ Aug 01 2020
If you move to a Polynesian country and wonder if the natives will accept you, just know there will be
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︎ Aug 12 2020
What country does not accept cash or credit cards ?
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︎ Jul 07 2020
Please accept my Heart Felt thanks.
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︎ Apr 27 2020
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
My college friend got accepted to a social group by having to float out in the bay to mark a channel for their boats....
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︎ May 29 2020
My neighbour said he'd look after my dog if I accepted the fact that he's currently dating a punctuation mark.
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︎ Jun 07 2020
Massive protest spread across Madrid earlier today to protest the nation's Supreme Court ruling that bans tattoos.
Nobody accepts the Spanish ink decision.
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︎ Feb 27 2021
So sorry to hear your uncle was hit by a boat in Venice.
Please accept my gondolances.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
Do you accept random Facebook requests?
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︎ May 15 2020
My girlfriend just couldnβt accept my obsession with horoscopes
In the end it Taurus apart
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︎ Aug 29 2019
English sucks sometimes π
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︎ Apr 22 2020
Do you accept the cookies?
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︎ Dec 18 2019
Hi,I was told this was acceptable her
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︎ Dec 06 2019
I tried to get my wife to accept my apology after saying her skin was like leather
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︎ Jan 06 2020
I got banned from Hawaii for having a loud laugh
All they accept is a low ha
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︎ Dec 17 2020
People who died penny less didn't accept change
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︎ Dec 02 2019
When is it acceptable to react to a table?
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︎ Feb 04 2020
Is it acceptable to tell dad jokes if you don't have kids....?
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︎ Nov 19 2019
Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?
Because it lost the gill to live.
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︎ Feb 05 2020
A guy is sitting on his couch bored.
He decides he wants to spice up his day and call his dealer. He asks his dealer, "hey, do you have anything new I haven't tried?" His dealer responds, "I just got some new weed named after old cartoon characters! It's some potent stuff!" The guy accepts this and meets up with the dealer. When he gets back home, he goes to roll a joint and finds that it just doesn't want to stay rolled and keeps coming apart. Frustrated, he calls the dealer back. "This shit just won't stay rolled! What did you sell me?" The dealer responds, "that's just how the scooby doobie do!"
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︎ Feb 04 2021
PSA Don't accept friend requests from Hormel.
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︎ Jan 17 2020
I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.
So we named him Kilometers
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︎ Jun 15 2019
I am unable to support the "fat-acceptance" movement
Because they're too heavy
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︎ Sep 09 2019
Nothing runs a pun like bad spelling, accept poor grammar's.
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︎ Aug 03 2019
I just got accepted into the most popular anger management group.
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︎ Apr 12 2019
Im gonna start making batting cage business that only accepts pennies, dimes,quarters, half dollars, and dollar coins
Gonna call it Nickel-less Cage
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︎ Oct 30 2019
Why do parents have a hard time accepting their kids?
It takes 9 months to come to term
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︎ Nov 04 2019
I met a woman once at a party celebrating my father's 50th birthday.
We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.
Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.
Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"
And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Just been to a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies !!!!
Is that a trick question.
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︎ Nov 23 2020
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