Nailed my brother with an excellent wood working pun on Sunday night.
He was over for dinner, asking me about making a simple wooden box. Once he's finished describing what he wants to do and how he thinks he'll do it I reply with "Yeah, that wood work".
Why do women have a difficult time working for the postal service?
I don't think the surge protector on my toaster is working...
Whilst I was making crumpets it told me to wake up, asked why I don't put on a little makeup, why did I leave the keys upon the table..
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation.
It doesn’t make any cents.
What happened when the stove stopped working?
Working in a mirror factory...
...is something I can totally see myself doing.
A group of ant's working together is called
I'm working on a device that can read minds
I'd love to hear your thoughts
Working on a home construction project and felt like relaxing with drink. Of course it's unsafe to mix alcohol with power tools.
Which is why I mixed my drink with a spoon instead.
An American is working out
“This workout is intense!” He huffs to his friend. “My heart is pounding!”
“Huh?” Says the friend.
“Oh, sorry, I forgot you’re European. My heart is ‘kilogramming’.” He replies.
Did you know Apple is working on an EV?
Has anyone seen it? I am looking for some iWitness’s
A minute ago my calculator was fine and now, mysteriously, it's not working.
Something just doesn't add up.
It must be tough working in the shipping and receiving department of a zoo.
No one ever addresses the elephant in the room.
As the detective examined the crime scene at the carnival he came upon the man working the “Guess your weight” booth. The detective had the man arrested as an accomplice to the criminal.
He was charged with helping the criminal get a weigh.
i'm working on puns and wordplays for my inktober. This is handburger
What similar to working at McDonald’s and being a archeologist in Athens
You will smell like ancient Greece
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
If this new 'dynamic armour' thing they're working on involves electrical charges between plates...
... can we just call it e-mail?
How does a T-Rex feel after working out?
Kindasoar.
Boyfriend told me this after we discussed our workout today 🥲
"I'm always working hard"
Add therapy dogs considered working dogs?
If so, would they be white collar workers?
I spent so much time working on this
This happened with me today morning. My phone's headphone jack isn't working so I asked my dad what to do about it.
He said, "Let's get a headphone Jill, then!"
Why did the valet hate working in an alternate universe?
Because it was all parallel parking!
McDonalds is working with Apple to create a huge gaming computer
They're calling it the Big Mac
I was working in our store when my son called me over and said, “Two guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar bills.” I asked. “What did they look like?” He replied...
i am deaf on both ears after working at the metal factory
I guess heavy metal is not good for my ears
I was working my 9-5 at the paint supply warehouse, I just asked my boss for a raise
He handed me a ladder and asked if that was good enough
Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumor is they’re working on a self driving boat as well.
They’re going to call it the iAye
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1001 cures for itches."
I guess, I've got to start again from scratch.
I’m working on my patience...
Good thing I’m not a doctor, you don’t want that many patients.
I don’t understand why my calculator just stopped working.
Son: Dad, can you see if my turn signals are working?
Dad: YES... no...YES...no...YES...no...
Our cooking teacher gave us a notice about the part of our upcoming exam where we'd be working with cheese wheels...
"It'll be grated on a curve."
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...
I work with beet boxes and I wrap!
Working from home isn’t always great,
But I guess it is better than being in Office 365
I was working behind the bar today when two guys came in and tried to pay with a couple of counterfeit £10 notes. When I told the manager, he asked what they looked like..
“Like £10 notes” I told him
I've been working on not mansplaining and instead saying something positive. How has been going?
Working on a cannabis based beef marinade.
The steaks have never been higher...
I went parachuting with a friend, and my parachute wasn't working
He laughed, and I said I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation!
The guy working in the factory was told he was not strong enough to do the job
He decided to quit by handing in his too weak notice
What happened when the stove stopped working?
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, without explanation.
It doesn't make any cents!
I can’t understand why my calculator just stopped working
I can't understand why my calculator just stopped working
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