A list of puns related to "Working From Home"
But I guess it is better than being in Office 365
But that's okay, I love working with my dog.
She will be so happy when she finds out I ordered a new one.
All lawyers have become in-house attorneys.
Which explains why he is now catcher on the local baseball team.
It was rough.
today was ruff
I was in a fowl mood.
After discovering he'd been given a parking ticket, the giant exclaimed in disappointment as he approached his house. This startled a burglar inside, causing him to flee from the property but not before trapping his stubby digit in the door, causing him to leave blood at the scene. Thankfully, the giant's powerful nasal abilities allowed him to aid police as he was able to detected the exact nationality and gender of the robber in question. When interviewed, the giant simplified the story for us by saying,
"Fee, Fie, Foe, Thumb, I smell the blood of an English Man."
She still regrets letting me name the twins.
Now his sails are through the roof.
So I walked upstairs to my wife, whose lipstick was smudged, her skirt a mess.
I said, "Honey, I never knew our parrot was gay."
Dad responds "So I take it you haddock-good day?"
(Note: This actually happened today.)
His sails went through the roof
Sails have gone through the roof
He had a wee cough.
“Really?” the coworker asks. “What showed you she really loved you?”
“She was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. “Like when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
She's still angry she let me name the kids
As are many people these days, I am at home with my kids all day long.
Kid: I asked you a question!
Me: I didn't hear you.
Kid: Three times, too!
Me: Six.
I was deeply touched.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
“You rotten bastard," says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!”
This evening’s definitely looking up
When I'm working from home, I sometimes put a blanket over me.
You could say, I work undercover.
Roll out.
My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
I thought, "How irresponsible can you be? Almost making me drop my beer."
At that moment my wife flashed before my eyes.
I took them up on it because earlier in the season I went for a pretty nice slide. It's like that old saying. Once skidding ice shy.
How dairy!
Why do you beehive like this?
"Huh. Must be from all that flying you did"
Dads asks “what are you playing son?” Son seems aggravated by being interrupted and answers, “Minecraft. “
Dad replies “so one could say you’re practicing for a career in the mining business.”
Kid says, “why don’t you mine your own business and leave me alone!”
Daughter: Let's hear it. Dad: M pa konnen. Daughter: What's it mean? Dad: I don't know.
There isn’t another soul on the street.
Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.
He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.
Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.
He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer.
Bump…bump…bump.
The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man’s horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk.
He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly.
BUMP…BUMP…BUMP!
He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps.
He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath.
Bump…bump…bump.
There is a moment’s silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe.
Suddenly…. Bump…bump…bump…Bump…
BUMP! BUMP!
BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!!
He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges.
Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after.
BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP!
Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin — a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp — but the coffin keeps coming!
BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down!
His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too!
The coffin stops.
I asked if it wanted anything to eat. It said, Brr grr
Credit: my 8th grade English teacher
So I hit her over the head with my X-Box...
I put it down before leaving the store, though. Wouldn't want to get into the habit of shoplifting.
He had shingles.
Dad: "HI MAYBE!"
"So, I put a paper in the mailboxes of a few teachers."
"Oh jeez. What did you do this time?"
"I typed a Word Document that said 'Please fill out this form' and left the rest of the page blank. dad cackle
You shoulda heard what they were saying: 'Why did they give ME one? Did YOU get one?' Everyone was losing their minds!"
She is still mad about the names I gave our kids.
I think she still regrets letting me name the kids.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins...
I think she regrets letting me name our kids.
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