Habitation Puns

"SHHH" "What - I'm just trying to ask a question!"

Vacuum cleaners have been gathering dirt on us for years.

Pulp fiction.

Nunavut.

A Transistor

They didn't like it when I retaliated with...

"Daughturds"

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."

I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.

Father-in-law

It was nail-biting

But I never got the chants.

Bad Minton.

I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.

Nun-sense!

My son hates it... he always likes to tell me “dad! Stop! Smoking causes cancer”... I’m always disappointed to inform him, “No son. Smoking causes ashes”

I hate to see someone Anne employed.

But in the end, it doesn't even matter

Doctors are calling it Munch housin’ syndrome.

Out of habit.

A Roamin' Catholic

I probably shouldn't have become a tattoo artist.

I told them I can't help it, old habits DIE HARD.

I'll read it tomorrow

Because they're creatures of habit.

It was just too time consuming

You could say I've got an appetite for destruction

you can buy them from a boot sale at a convent.

It’s quite the CoNunDrum

It's a deeply rooted issue.

....but don't get into the habit.

Knock on wood.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

Yesterday he scaled Mount Everest.

He replied that he prays everyday religiously.

He claims he can stop it at any time.

Bad minton.

Of not finishing the

Nunavut

It's a deeply rooted issue.