Dwelling House Puns

It's 3am. Rain lashes down, wind howls fiercely. Lightning periodically illuminates the countryside. A ramshackle house stands alone in a field, the only sign of human habitation for miles around.

Lancelot furiously bangs on the door of the decrepit hovel. "Awaken! I am in need of assistance in the name of king and country!"

An elderly man sleepily opens the door.

"Good sir, I have been riding at full gallop for hours with an urgent message for King Arthur. My valiant steed has collapsed with exhaustion from under me. I must take your horse to further my ride. You will be compensated, but time is of the essence!"

The old man says, "I am a poor and humble peasant, unable to afford a horse. I live here alone, but for the company of my lifelong companion Toby." He gestures towards the low embers barely glowing in the fireplace, and Lancelot sees an enormous English sheepdog, wheezing fitfully in its sleep. Even a cursory glance is enough to see that Toby has had a long and not particularly easy life. What hair is left around the mange is matted. He stinks. He is asthmatic.

Lancelot does not hesitate for an instant. "That beast must carry me far enough to get to the next dwelling. I know not whether he will survive the ordeal, but I have no choice."

The old man recoils in horror. "In faith, you must jest... I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this!"