I thought I won an argument with my wife on how to arrange the dining room furniture

But when I got home the tables were turned.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ubadishnard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been donating a lot of dining room sets to people in need lately.

I guess I’m just feeling very chairtable.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What should you do right after you have sex in a large formal dining room?

Tablespoon

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I were looking at a new apartment today. It seemed nice, but I was disappointed by the lack of furniture in the dining room. "What do you think?" She asked.

I replied, "Notable."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I was tidying up the dining room when I dropped a coaster...

It rolled away and I exclaimed, β€œLook, a rollercoaster!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/McCleavage
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
As my friend Richard sat at my dining room table, I went to the kitchen and poured him a glass of milk and mixed in some brown powder from the yellow box in the pantry. That is how...

...I got Rich Quick.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Walked into the dining room to find my kids eating burnt cookies

My son says "daddy look, mommy made cookies!" Knowing it meant being kicked out of the kitchen, I still said, "actually son, those smell like OVERcookies to me"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Monechetti
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
🚨︎ report
My dog was chewing on the dining room leg

So I told him "hey, just because it's A table doesn't make it E table"

The filthy look he gave me made me think this qualifies as a dad joke

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Puskathesecond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2016
🚨︎ report
My in-laws have a dining room table that converts from a square to a round brother-in-law said it was a transformer...

I said it was Oaktimus Pine...

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the__blank
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm still in awe by my fathers' genius.

I'm sitting at the dining room table with my mom just chatting about nothing in particular, when my dad walks with this shit eating grin holding something behind his back. Now for a little background info, my dad NEVER does surprises. And I mean never. So I immediately knew something was up. My mom turns around and asks him what's going on. He tells her to close her eyes and hold out her hands because he got her a surprise. At this point my mom gets really excited and asking, "what is it?! What is it?!" To which my dad replies,

"Do you remember when we went out the other day and you were looking at those new running shoes, but you decided not to get them because they were too expensive?"

To which she responds, "ahhhh! Yes I remember!!"

He then says, "well I saw how much you liked them so I decided to get you a pear."

And he puts a fresh pear in her hands.

She still won't talk to him.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/laxerado1313
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
🚨︎ report
Parents come to my boyfriend's house for dinner

My bf's dad tells my parents to "take a seat" as we enter the dining room. My dad promptly takes a chair and exits, then proceeds to bust up in the next room.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimbajab
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad joked while doing a crossword.

My mom was doing a crossword over breakfast with my dad at the dining room table and I overheard her asking him for help on one of the clues.

"'Uplifted' is the clue... Could it be something like 'elified'?" She asked.

Dad quickly replies, "'El-if-I know!"

"God...." My mom groans. I almost spit the milk I was drinking out. He doesn't make dad jokes often, so it took me by surprise :)

πŸ‘︎ 772
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2015
🚨︎ report
Channeling The Beatles

So my wife and eldest daughter are in the dining room and I’m in the kitchen. They are talking about parking a car at school, and getting the ticket that allows this from the office. I step into the room:

Me: β€œYou guys are talking about a ticket to park?”

Kid: β€œYeah”

Me: β€œBut I thought Paul McCartney said it was a ticket to ride...”

Wife: β€œShut up dear”

I look at the kid and point to my wife:

β€œShe don’t care.....”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trazom28
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I've had this joke for 10 years, finally able to use it.

My kid sister came into the dining room, asked if I wanted to do yoga. "Namaste here."

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OnlyLogic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
🚨︎ report
Just 5 minutes ago to my wife...

There was a loud noise from the dining room. I walk in to see my wife slumped over the table. She answers my inquisitive look with "I just clocked my knee."

"How fast was it going?"

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AngryBaldWhiteMan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
🚨︎ report
When your dad misses no opportunity for a joke

So, my dad could be considered a regular jokester. He had his dad jokes, his dirty jokes, clean but provocative joke, setup jokes, everything. He never missed a chance to turn something into a joke for hinself, even, and perpahs especially, if it only amused himself. I found out at an young age that no situation is too serious for him.

I was around 9 years old and I was in the cub scouts, and it was box car derby season. I was in the dining room, carving away at my block of wood when the blade in my right hand skipped the wood and carved my left thumb. It fucking hurt and bled like a sonofabitch. I immediately starting screaming and my dad raced into the room and found me covered in blood, my left hand now with two thumbs. We get it wrapped and he drives me to the emergency room. By the time we got there the bleeding had stopped and I have stopped crying. As we pull up, my dad looks st me, shakes his head and says "We can't go in there like this, we'll end up waiting forever to see

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBossOfWhat
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad joked tue fiancΓ© this evening

I was laying down when she came up and asks me, "Could you help me pick up the living room and dining room?"

I looked at her and told her, "I'm not sure I can do that."

She looks back at me with a raised eyebrow, "And why us that?"

"Because," I told her, "those are the two heaviest rooms in the house."

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LongTallTexan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Seriously though, what time is it?

Me (in dining room with no clock nearby): Dad! What time is it in there?

Dad (in kitchen with a clock in front of his face): Same time as it is in there.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pmwilkins
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Not my best but satisfying to dad joke my father-in-law.

Father-in-law Text: You left your sunglasses on the dining room table. Me: That was not very BRIGHT!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pickled_Ramaker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Kid's birthday party

My earliest recollection of a dad joke is when I was about 6/7 years old.

We'd just waved bye to the last guests at my party. Understandably, my parents were beyond exhausted, but tidied up anyway. After all was done, we sat in the living room and my dad pulled out a chair from the dining room. He then brought another, and placed it next to it. He did the same again. I had no idea what was going on, until he sat across all three, threw his hands in the air and shouted:

"Three chairs for dad!"

Absolute quality, textbook dad.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rio_wellard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Mother's Day

I was at the diner with my family on Mom's day. My step brother looks around the packed dining room and says, "Damn it's crowded in here!" to which I reply "Yeah, everyone and their mother is here today."

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SalivatingMoron
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad just hit me with this one.

So I was eating dinner with my brother and his S/O in the dining room as my dad was in the kitchen doing dad things, and as I was telling a joke my dad walked in and told me that my joke wasn't funny. I retaliated with "alright, let's here a joke then."

This is when he looked at my brother and I and said "the only jokes I have is the two sitting at the dinner table"

Fuckin' dad

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sleepz33
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Spanish Class

At the dining room table, younger sister is talking about her intro to Spanish class and I passively mention "I was never really good at rolling my r's."

Right after I say this, my stepdad begins sliding in a circle in his chair. When I finally say "What are you doing!?" he responds:

"I'm rolling my arse."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TackleMeElmo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad got got by granddad Christmas breakfast.

Dad upon entering the dining room: "oh! where am I going to sit?"

Granddad: "Well hopefully on your butt!--ho ho ho." And with a wry grin surveys the room.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/patmedick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2015
🚨︎ report
So I was eating an improperly cooked pudding...

For dessert we'd made something called a queen of cakes which involves a custard and breadcrumb base and a meringue topping. The custard hadn't set properly and as eating I said, "This hasn't set properly, it's like curdled custard!" seconds later my dad replied with "Was that in the dining room with the candlestick?" I was the only one that got it, I must say I'm impressed, just finished a game of cluedo with the family.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/curryhouseindia
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend made a dad joke yesterday...

I had wrapped up a sandwich from the dining hall and put it in my winter hat so I could sneakily carry it out...so when we got back to my room, I took the sandwich out and there was lettuce in my hat.

My friend says, "I guess you could call it a head of lettuce"

Groan...

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpiffyArmbrooster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2013
🚨︎ report
Witnessed my first real dad joke at the nursing home where I work. Told by The Grand Master of Dad Jokes himself.

In the dining room during lunch after giving my elder residents desert which was Angel food cake, everyone noticed that the cake was very flat and thin.

One of the ladies said "This is no angel food cake, this is...."

Without missing a beat, this old man with a patch on his right eye interrupts the little old woman and says at the top of his lungs in a raspy, yet clear tone , "I'll tell you what this is!. It's a fallen angel!"

Everyone in the dining room laughed uncontrollably. Not him. He just shakes his head and digs into the cake.

I immediately thought of you guys.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JxWayne
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
🚨︎ report
Help with shoes

I was sitting in the dining room waiting for the family to get ready to go out. My oldest son came up to me and said, "Put my shoes on?", wanting me to help put them on him. I replied, "But they won't fit on me, son." He walked away and came back a few minutes later asking the same question. This time when I told him they wouldn't fit me he said, "No, on me!" Laughed my butt off and still laugh at it today.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gsettle
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Told to my Daughter This Morning as She was Practicing Piano

Back when I was younger I had a Canadian friend who had little kids. I came over one day and there was a blanket over the dining room table.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Oh," he said, "the kids are playing blanket forts. That's their table fort, eh?"

"Ah," I said, nodding wisely.

We went into the family room and they had a blanket over their sofa. My friend said, "That's their sofa fort, eh?"

Then we went into the living room. They had a blanket over the piano.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/srt19170
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2013
🚨︎ report
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture...

But when I got home, the tables were turned...

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture.

But when I got home, the tables were turned .

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.