Tried some viagra in the bedroom with my wife but it got stuck in my throat

I've had a stiff neck for a week

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/Snozzcumberbatch
📅︎ Apr 18 2021
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As we drove past Ikea, my dad began one of his rants “Why do people want Swedish furniture? The fancy closet in my bedroom was built by a good ol’ fashioned local carpenter, none of this foreign import rubbish!” He was surprisingly vocal...

For a closet racist.

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/Dongwaffler
📅︎ Apr 24 2021
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My bedroom now has a stained glass window.

A pigeon just flew right into it.

👍︎ 16
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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Mar 31 2021
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Whats the thing your teacher can say in classroom and bedroom

It's wet so we are eating inside

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/knight_furrie
📅︎ Apr 07 2021
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A ghostly apparition of the rock band Procol Harem appeared on my bedroom wall.

I turned A Whiter Shade of Pale when I saw it.

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/glezgatoon
📅︎ Apr 11 2021
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I'm having a sale in my bedroom

and my clothes are 100% off

👍︎ 14
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👤︎ u/dwele_music
📅︎ Feb 28 2021
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So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
👍︎ 18
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👤︎ u/Lovina9
📅︎ Jan 09 2021
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Child walks past the parents bedroom, peaks inside and mumbles....

"And you want to send me to a psychologist for sucking my thumb."

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Feb 21 2021
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Shouldn’t the bedroom be called the Restroom instead of the bathroom?
👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/ForestValkyrie
📅︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I used a performance enhancer in the bedroom with my wife last night.

I wore a blindfold.

👍︎ 12
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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Jan 17 2021
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My wife said there was a large fly buzzing around our bedroom and told me to go kill it. I rolled my eyes and said she should call 911. She asked why.

I responded: So they can send the swat team.

👍︎ 459
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👤︎ u/OfficerBarbier
📅︎ Sep 18 2020
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Wife walked in to the bedroom as I was pulling off my Boxers...

...she said "you love those dogs more than me".

👍︎ 8
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👤︎ u/tardiusmaximus
📅︎ Dec 04 2020
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I walked into the bedroom today and tripped over my wife’s bra.

It was a booby trap.

👍︎ 58
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📅︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
When you buy a bigger bed, you have more bed room but less bedroom

That's a very important fact I just read and wanted to share with you guys. Buying beds is a serious topic.

👍︎ 76
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👤︎ u/FattySuperCute
📅︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just had a mirror fixed to my bedroom ceiling...

....so I can see my wife having a headache.

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say when your wife is so envious of your peanut butter obsession she wants to put it on herself in the bedroom?

DON'T BE JELLY!

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/bearnakedgamer
📅︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a pirate take when they've got doldrums in the bedroom?

Sea-alis.

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/Musicferret
📅︎ Sep 06 2020
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My girlfriend wanted to spice things up in the bedroom

I hate when she eats on the bed! Hot sauce stains, Woman!

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/whoaswows
📅︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning when my wife closes the bedroom door in our 1-bedroom apartment I tell her...

Have a great day at work hunny.

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/ReddiTurret
📅︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My bedroom light just went out.

I have no idea where it's going.

👍︎ 100
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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife asked why I left a ladder in the bedroom.

I told her it was to help me get up in the morning.

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/NotSoSasquatchy
📅︎ Jun 26 2020
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Bedroom seasoning

Babe & I tried to spice things up so as to improve our sex duration

But as a 2 mins guy I came on thyme, as usual

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/Farmzy_
📅︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
You should not date an American woman if she hangs the flag of China in her bedroom

That is a big red flag.

👍︎ 14
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👤︎ u/atom644
📅︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I looked outside my bedroom window and wondered why it was so dark outside

and then it dawned on me

👍︎ 25
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👤︎ u/Burning_Toast998
📅︎ Mar 26 2020
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I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up…

Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, 'Dad'.

With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad.

She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.

She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.

I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home!"

👍︎ 8k
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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Jun 01 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife treats me like a baby, both in the bedroom and out.

She's my significant other mother.

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Murdering your brother is fratricide, and your father would be patricide, but in the bedroom is...

Mattress-side.

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/Jakeprops
📅︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the young genie who got a job and moved out of his parents' lamp to a one bedroom necklace?

He was independant.

👍︎ 567
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👤︎ u/NickNail5
📅︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
There was this kinky burglar who would sneak into people's bedrooms to give them a pedicure as they slept. .

He was a clip toe maniac

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/AustralianGroan
📅︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I woke up in the middle of the night to see the ghost of Gloria Gaynor in my bedroom

At first, I was afraid. I was PETRIFIED

👍︎ 36
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📅︎ Oct 06 2019
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When you have a clap light in your bedroom

rough sex also becomes a rave...

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/ice2257
📅︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Tree: Hey, Boulder, what do you think I should be when I grow up? Boulder: You would make a wonderful bedroom furniture set.

Tree: Yes. Yes I wood. Thanks Boulder, you rock.

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/baconaboot
📅︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Carried our dog into the bedroom where my daughter was on the playstation today...

... said to her with a very sad look on my face "I'm going to have to put the dog down". She looked horrified and almost in tears and asked "why?"... "Because she's getting heavy" I said as I put the dog on the floor and walked away.

👍︎ 206
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👤︎ u/NZOC
📅︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
How do I make my wife moan and groan in the bedroom at night?

I read her r/dadjokes

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/Phroedrick
📅︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me why I was taking his bedroom door off the hinges.

We've updated our privacy policy.

👍︎ 988
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👤︎ u/fukhed69
📅︎ May 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I've been thinking of adding a bedroom and a bathroom on top of my house,

but that's another story

👍︎ 17
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📅︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife walked into our bedroom while I was napping and yelled "It's time to leave, get up!"

I said "Sssshh! These are my sleeping quarters" and pointed to some change I had on the bedside table. She was stunned, then she groaned and walked out.

👍︎ 3k
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👤︎ u/WrexKwonDo
📅︎ Jun 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Know what my kids' bedroom and soccer player Lionel have in common?

They're both Messi.

👍︎ 8
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👤︎ u/CAdamH
📅︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I tripped over my wife's bra left on the bedroom floor last night...

Damn boobie traps

👍︎ 103
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👤︎ u/dacs1306
📅︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I just finished replacing the glass in my bedroom window

It was a real pane

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/Payasin70
📅︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
LPT: If you can't afford to heat your bedroom there are some places in the room that are warmer then others.

The corners for example are always 90 degrees

👍︎ 20
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👤︎ u/diviner_of_data
📅︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I got an early flight home so I decided to surprise my wife. Got home about 10 PM. Walked in my bedroom, and to my COMPLETE surprise, there is my wife in bed with my best friend. I couldn't believe it.

I then yelled for my dog to get off the bed.

👍︎ 18
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📅︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
In a one story house the walls are blue, the chairs are blue, the floor is blue, the lights are blue, the living room is blue, the bedrooms are blue, the kitchen is blue, even the air has a blueish tint. What color are the stairs?

The house is ONE STORY it has no stairs.

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/RICK-THE-STICk3
📅︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....

A pigeon just flew right into it.

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into my bedroom and stepped on her bra

It was a boobie trap

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/agarcia128
📅︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report

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