If dad’s Russian in the kitchen, what is he in the bedroom?
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
Tried some viagra in the bedroom with my wife but it got stuck in my throat
I've had a stiff neck for a week
As we drove past Ikea, my dad began one of his rants “Why do people want Swedish furniture? The fancy closet in my bedroom was built by a good ol’ fashioned local carpenter, none of this foreign import rubbish!” He was surprisingly vocal...
Whats the thing your teacher can say in classroom and bedroom
It's wet so we are eating inside
So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
I used a performance enhancer in the bedroom with my wife last night.
Wife walked in to the bedroom as I was pulling off my Boxers...
...she said "you love those dogs more than me".
What do you say when your wife is so envious of your peanut butter obsession she wants to put it on herself in the bedroom?
What does a pirate take when they've got doldrums in the bedroom?
My girlfriend wanted to spice things up in the bedroom
I hate when she eats on the bed! Hot sauce stains, Woman!
Wife asked why I left a ladder in the bedroom.
I told her it was to help me get up in the morning.
Every morning when my wife closes the bedroom door in our 1-bedroom apartment I tell her...
Have a great day at work hunny.
You should not date an American woman if she hangs the flag of China in her bedroom
My wife treats me like a baby, both in the bedroom and out.
She's my significant other mother.
Murdering your brother is fratricide, and your father would be patricide, but in the bedroom is...
I woke up in the middle of the night to see the ghost of Gloria Gaynor in my bedroom
At first, I was afraid. I was PETRIFIED
How do I make my wife moan and groan in the bedroom at night?
LPT: If you can't afford to heat your bedroom there are some places in the room that are warmer then others.
The corners for example are always 90 degrees
I just finished replacing the glass in my bedroom window
In a one story house the walls are blue, the chairs are blue, the floor is blue, the lights are blue, the living room is blue, the bedrooms are blue, the kitchen is blue, even the air has a blueish tint. What color are the stairs?
The house is ONE STORY it has no stairs.
Be careful when dating someone who has the flag of the USSR in their bedroom
What does the sex hungry mechanic do in the bedroom?
Went to see my French friend, but when I got there he said there were no bedrooms left and I had to sleep in the basement.
Decided to turn things up a notch in the bedroom by seasoning my junk.
Turns out it's just a waste of thyme.
What is an aging magician's best friend onstage and greatest enemy in the bedroom?
Intense in the Bedroom
My fiance and I were getting ready for bed. I was the first one to climb under the covers. For some reason it seems to be really cold when I first climb in, so I start rolling around frantically to generate some heat.
My fiance walks into the room and gives me a puzzled look.
> Her: Wow. You're looking intense, honey.
> Me: I'm not intense! I'm in a blanket!
The look on her face and the long groan was priceless.
How do tiny bakers spice it up in the bedroom?
In the bedroom, you can call me a mischievous seafaring Trojan on a quest
Because I like to get Argonaughty
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