But the steaks were too high
It didn’t do as well as hoped. Maybe they set the bar too high.
Seated at the bar is an elderly lady, mid eighties.
The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
It was a golden opportunity.
I'm half inclined to agree with them.
sectionally transmitted diseases!
Person 1: Neat! Are you visiting or living there?
Me: Living here, but as an expat.
Person 2: Why'd you change your name?
Me: What do you mean?
Person 2: Well it used to be Pat, and now you're an ex Pat.
A good friend of mine walked in and told me that he had to study for an algorithms final exam in the morning.
I responded that I heard that class wasn't very difficult, isn't that just a class where former presidential candidate Al Gore shows up and lays down some beats for a few minutes?
Edit: Winner:- https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/knrrk1/rpuns_best_of_2020_nomination_thread/ghx6xyy
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Comment below the links of posts/comments that were exceptional.
Post/comment must have been made in the year 2020.
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All the best!!
It was like nothing I've ever seen. Truly loungendairy!
Sry I'm a mom that makes awful jokes
I got my kids with this one. While driving through the neighborhood looking at Christmas decorations, we passed an unusual light display.
Kid: Why is there a banana sitting in a chair?
Me: What, do you expect the banana to stand up all night?
(Note: I have no idea why there was a decoration that looked like a banana sitting in a chair)
Walked into the teacher's lounge and I just had to.
I work at a school with many buildings. I was in the second floor of a building in the teachers' lounge and two other teachers were talking about how the photocopier in that room sucks. One mentioned that she's only ever going to use the one downstairs. The other teacher said that he refused to use that one. When the first asked him why I couldn't help but say, "Because it's beneath him."
...We were walking through the lounge room with the cord still plugged in to my belt and I said to my wife, "Hey baby! Look at me! I'm a walk-man!"
My fiance had a grudge over someone and mid argument I thought it was funny to blurt out:
me: "Why can't you just be like Elsa?" fiance: "What?!" me: "Let it go.."
Currently setting up the sofa in the lounge
There was a little boy who absolutely loved tractors, so for his 3rd birthday, his father bought him a little toy one. The boy thought this was the best toy he had ever gotten, and ignored all his other gifts to focus on the tractor, pushing it around the lounge whenever he got the chance, making tractor noises etc.
As the boy grows a little bit older, he comes to his 10th birthday, when his dad says "Alright son, you're a little older now, so here you go" before giving him a push-along ride-on tractor for their backyard. The boy thinks this is even better than his now quite old toy tractor, and is taking days off school and everything just to ride around the house and neighbourhood on his push-along tractor.
He gets a little older again, and lo and behold, it's now his 18th birthday. His dad comes up to him during the party and says "Ok son, you're a man now, so here you go" before unveiling a fully functional tractor for his son. "Wow, thanks Dad, this is amazing!" says the son, before taking it for a quick test drive. The tractor becomes his main transport, as he goes to the grocery store and just generally cruises in his brand new tractor.
He decides to take the tractor on it's first proper outing, and goes into the middle of nowhere, with no cell service or house to be seen for miles, and the tractor of course breaks down. It takes him a while to get in touch with AAA and his Dad to come and help him out, so he decides after that experience that maybe it would be a better idea to invest in a car than a tractor after all.
Lo and behold, a few years later, the now adult son is driving down the same road in his new car, although there's now a house there that is engulfed in flames! A lady comes out, screaming "Help! Help! Call 911, my baby is trapped inside!" The man simply stops and says "It's ok, mam, I've got this." He takes in a massive gulp of air, and the entire fire just disappears! The lady says "Wow, that's amazing! How did you do that?!" before the man responds with "Well, you see mam, I'm an ex tractor fan."
I was sat in the lounge and my dad walked in. He said to me "I've got some news for you!"
And then handed me a small scrap of newspaper.
I was at a hotel for my best friend's wedding. After the rehearsal dinner we were in the lounge drinking (with permission from the hotel staff) and I went to the bathroom.
The bathrooms on the lobby level were right next to the ice machine, and we'd heard from another guest they were really fancy. I get back and my friend asks me how they were.
I showed him this picture and said "they were pretty cool"